


my brother's friend

by ultraviolentae



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Fluff, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2019-06-20 19:46:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 50,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15541650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultraviolentae/pseuds/ultraviolentae
Summary: Renjun has a secret. One he has been keeping for quite some time.





	1. winter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thebluesweater](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebluesweater/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I'm never changing partners, Renjun and i are perfect for each other.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yknow im pissed off bc ao3 doesnt let me add my own tags anymore this is an offense for peeps who suck at tagging.... smh... but okay anyways
> 
>  
> 
> one thing to note: Sicheng and the rest of his group are 2 years older than Renjun (also Chenle & Hyuck),, there's both aged up characters and aged down but this means Jeno is older than Renjun in this AU ehe

**R** enjun has a secret. One he has been keeping for quite some time. It started years back, when his brother Sicheng brought some of his friends home for a few days before Christmas and one of them stood out from everybody else. He was calmer, quieter and more importantly; didn't make Renjun want to smack him across the face for disturbing his peaceful vacation.

From then on, every time Sicheng mentioned his friends coming over, Renjun would perk up and feel his heart beat faster inside his chest. It was against his will, really. He just couldn't help but feel excited at the thought of seeing _the_ boy.

 

He found out his name a year after they had first come over during Christmas vacation, it seemed it had become a ritual of theirs. They'd come over for one or two days and disturb Renjun’s peaceful lifestyle and then leave again just before Christmas.

At some point during one of their games, _the boy_ had made his team lose and one of the other friends, face red with his fists up in the air threateningly, screamed at the top of his lungs: “Jeno i will murder you!” And so there it was, the boy finally had a name. _Jeno._

 

Last year of high school was stressful, his Christmas vacation seemed to have to be spent inside his room revising for his upcoming exams.

Renjun tugs at his hair, frustration running through every fibre of his being after his fourth time trying to make sense of the stupid math problem staring back at him. He hated feeling dumb and helpless, but those seemed to have started to become recurring emotions inside of his tired brain. “What am i doing wrong?” He grumbles and then closes his eyes to rest for a minute or so.

A loud scream makes him jerk in his chair in shock, he couldn't quite process what could've caused it for the longest time. It's only minutes later that he remembers the date, it was the twenty third of December. Sicheng’s friends seemed to have arrived for their yearly vacation. With all the mess and stress of that school year Renjun had forgotten entirely about that small inconvenience.

He stays stoic in his seat, there was no way in hell he was going to greet them unless told to do so. Not even if his body begged for it, he didn't want to look desperate even if nobody seemed to care enough about his presence to notice his true intentions. Either way, he refused.

It doesn't take long for his mom to call him from downstairs to greet the guests, and _maybe_ Renjun jumps out of his seat in a millisecond towards the bathroom just in front of his room with how excited he felt. He analyses the reflection carefully, his hair was a mess but at least his skin wasn't breaking out with the stress. Once the boy feels ready enough mentally to face everyone, he opens the door and casually makes his way down the stairs.

In the distance, the sound of laughter makes him start to become nervous once again. He wondered how Jeno looked now, it had been a few months since he had last seen him and deep down he had missed him more than he had let himself admit. It wasn't the type of missing where you think of them everyday, just sometimes they pop in your head and then don't leave for the rest of the day. He wondered how he was doing, if everything was okay, if _well..._  he had gotten himself into a relationship.

That was one of his biggest fears – admittedly a stupid one. Even if Jeno was single what did it matter? In the end he was his friend’s younger brother and even if it was only a two year gap, everyone just seemed to treat him as if he was five. Jeno never made a reference to his age but even so, it was only natural he didn't see him in that light. Renjun refused to get his hopes up, and yet the idea of Jeno dating made his heart drop.

He clicks his tongue, _fool_. In the end, it was Jeno’s life not his.

“Injunnie where are you?!” His mother shouts impatiently after waiting for the boy for over ten minutes.

“Coming!” He peeks his head inside the kitchen and waves at his mom who rolls her eyes. “Sorry i was finishing up my exercises.”

She squeezes his face with the palms of her hands and chuckles. “My smart baby, you need to rest.”

Renjun hums, but he would never rest until he got the exams out of his way. It was his last year before university and he was not going to fuck it up, that'd be throwing all his hard work down the toilet. “Yeah, yeah. I should… Say hi or something.”

The woman pats his butt and he glares at her but doesn't say a thing, he was used to it. He walks towards the living room in small steps, the louder the voices got the more nervous he became. There was always the chance Jeno wasn't even there and his body was making a scene for nothing, Renjun wouldn't be surprised.

“Bro!” Sicheng calls out for him once he gets a glimpse of Renjun’s frame. “Are you dead yet with all that studying?”

“Not yet, but soon.” He snorts and doesn't dare move his eyes from his brother’s eyes to look at everyone else. “Your loud selves ruined my studying session so i guess i was saved.”

A few of them laugh, and then he hears that familiar low chuckle that makes his head finally snap up to look around. It doesn't take long to find who he was looking for, long black hair covered his crescent eyes now making him look as the same boy Renjun fell for four years back. He didn't want to stare so his eyes drift away a few seconds later, but the picture had already been burnt behind his eyelids. Jeno looked funny for a second year in university but Renjun was whipped, and so of course to him he still looked somewhat cool and intimidating. If Sicheng could read his thoughts, Renjun would be bullied for life.

“Please someone get the table ready!” A female voice speaks over the loud boys, Renjun turns to walk towards the kitchen right away by pure habit. Sicheng usually put everything in the dishwasher after the meals were over and Renjun set the table, it was their unspoken routine.

However when he turns around, glass cups in hand, Renjun finds someone towering over him. “Oh fu-” He gasps and closes his eyes instinctively only to crack one open a few seconds later to figure out who it was. “Oh uh, sorry do you need anything.”

“How can i help?” Jeno smiles widely like he often does when he's being polite. Renjun melts a little at the sight even if it was all out of mere courtesy.

“It's all good just sit down and wait for the food.” The boy smiles back and tries to pass though the other but he moves making Renjun shriek softly scared he might drop the cups on the floor.

“C’mon i wanna help.” He says before grabbing some of the cups Renjun was holding and heading towards the big table leaving the younger with his mouth hanging open in pure shock.

Renjun blinks, once, twice, and then snaps out of it. “O-okay then.”

 

How he ends up as Jeno’s partner during their card game baffles him, somehow it had happened in the span of him texting Chenle about how nervous he felt and what was he going to do? Say no?

“Okay bud we can do this.” Jeno smirks and shoots finger guns at Renjun. “We'll get the hang of it.”

The boy feels so giddy and yet he has to keep his casual posture even if Jeno was being all smiles about being in the same team as him. He was over the moon deep down, just scared of showing it too much and looking like a fool.

First time Renjun feels something touch his leg from under the table he squeaks loudly and blows Jeno’s cover like a total idiot, his body goes on fire from both embarrassment and the fact that Lee Jeno really just had tried playing footsie with him. Second time though, he tries to keep it cool and subtly raise his gaze to look at Jeno so the boy could share tactics with gestures or simply their eyes. For some reason it worked and Renjun was able to understand what the other meant every time.

“I'm never changing partners, Renjun and i are perfect for each other.” Jeno declares when the game ends.

Renjun feels his face heat up and tenses up when Jeno winks at him. “Thank you.” He laughs awkwardly and stares at the table so he didn't have to look at Jeno for one second longer.

“So, another round then?” Yukhei asks and everyone nods.

“Renjun.” He hears and perks up, Jeno was giving him a look asking him if they were in it together again. The boy nods and smiles softly. “Yes! Thank you!” Jeno smiles brightly and warmth spreads across the younger’s body at the reaction. _Whipped._

 

Another thing they always did when they'd come over was watch movies together which, to be fair, was nice even if all they wanted to watch was either weird mystery movies or horror and gore. Renjun wasn't the one that screamed the loudest anyways, that was Yukhei’s job, so he didn't even feel all that bad for almost shitting himself over little things.

He sits squished between Jaehyun and Yukhei, which was probably the worst sitting placement ever. By Jaehyun’s side he'd have to deal with his own brother hitting on the poor dude. On Yukhei’s side… _well_ , his hearing might be heavily damaged by the end of the night. Renjun wished someone else was near him, but Jeno was comfortably sitting on the little puff sofa away from them all. He sighs and tries to not let his eyes land on the boy too much, but the blue light of the television highlighted his face in such a way that it made Renjun want to pick up his drawing book and make the boy his muse. Jeno was too eye catching, he couldn't look away.

The movie starts after a loud and long discussion about what exactly they should watch, needless to say Renjun spent the whole time analysing every detail of the older’s face as he watched whatever was playing on the TV. Jeno often would just space out, or exclude himself from the rest of the group. In a way that was what called for Renjun’s attention above the good looks, every single one of Sicheng’s friends looked good so it had obviously taken more than just that to make Jeno special in his eyes.

He wakes up with Yukhei’s shriek, apparently the movie had been so boring he had fallen asleep. Renjun rubs his eyes and straightens himself up, Yukhei chuckles and pats his head when he notices the weight of the boy’s head on his shoulder was gone. The younger can't help but feel flustered at that and ducks down before looking ahead and finding Jeno staring their direction with empty eyes, it was a weird sight. Jeno usually looked happy or serene not like a robot that had lost its battery.

His eyes drift away but Renjun keeps on staring for a while longer with confusion. Then he tries paying attention to the movie, no matter how boring it was he didn't want to fall asleep on Yukhei again.

The movie ends but nobody really moves from their seat, instead they discuss the movie and talk about things he couldn't understand for he had not payed attention to more than half of the movie. So he sits there, motionless, the discussion soon becomes background noise as he watches the people on the TV screen.

“Shouldn't your brother be in bed by now?” Someone says and Renjun snaps out of it.

“It's like one in the morning.” He rolls his eyes at Yuta who chuckles. “I'm seventeen.”

The older mocks what he had said in a high-pitched tone which only makes Renjun's blood boil even worse. “Oh look at him he's seventeen!”

“I'll be eighteen in four months shut up!” He growls but the teasing just grows bigger so the boy sits back with a loud huff.

Yukhei pats his back but keeps on laughing along the stupid jokes so it doesn't make him feel any better about it. His eyes drift towards the television to try and muffle out the voices again, but instead his gaze locks with Jeno’s who gives him a sympathetic look before looking back at his group of friends.

His lips don't curl up once hearing the annoying jokes, and maybe that does make Renjun feel better. In a way it meant Jeno didn't agree with them, he hated feeling left out just because he was two years younger. To him it made no sense, Sicheng always told him to not take it too personal, but he just couldn't.

“Alright lets go guys.” Sicheng pats Jaehyun’s thigh and stands up.

Everyone follows behind him except Renjun who decides to go last so his friends forget his presence. Before he closes the door to his room he looks at the end of the hall where the boys spoke loudly about which beds they'd share. He feels jealous, part of him wished he could do the same with his friends but everyone was too busy worrying about school to hang out properly.

Renjun sighs and closes the door, but not before he catches a glimpse of Jeno looking in the direction of his room. He presses his back against the cold door and closes his eyes, a smile ghosts in his face thinking about that day’s events. No matter how hopeless it all was, Renjun really couldn't wait till the next time he would be able to see Jeno again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> itll be boring till chap 3 just.. hang in there for now


	2. spring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I called dibs!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy.. thank you so much for so many kudos already????? i dont know why i have these many for such a boring chapter wow but im rlly grateful T T
> 
> hope this one isnt so boring rip

**L** iving on one of the highest points of the town was all fun and games until it came the time to go to the center, because then he'd have to wait a long time for the only bus that took him the nearby to where he lived. If he missed it, he'd have to wait another full hour for it to pass by again.

He raises his head from his phone and looks around, nothing interesting was going on online and from looks of it, the real world seemed just as boring. Renjun sighs with boredom, there nothing to see, nothing to do and the bus would only come in about twenty minutes. The boy was about to give his social media another try out of desperation but then a familiar silhouette shows up in the distance grabbing his attention.

Nearby the town hall was one of the universities, he had totally forgotten until he figures out who the person was and starts panicking. _It was Jeno’s university_ , he didn't know how he could’ve missed such a detail.

The boy straightens his back and leans on the street light pole in what he would like to think was a relaxed pose. He unlocks his phone again, not because there was anything going on in it, it just added to the laid back aura he wanted to show off. Even if he was anything but, in fact Renjun could hear his heartbeat in his ears from how nervous he felt.

Jeno couldn't know that, though.

The sound of wheels against the rocky sidewalk makes him snap his head up in confusion and curiosity, and then he catches a glimpse of Jeno sprinting past him with a big smile and finger guns looking as childlike as any high school student he had ever seen. “Sup champ?” He giggles and then stops a few meters ahead. “Sorry, still getting the hang of this. Have no clue how to stop properly yet."

Renjun blinks rapidly and then looks down at the boy’s feet. “What?”

“Oh these, they're Heelys. Jaemin bought them as a joke for my birthday but honestly they do come in handy for moving quickly.” Jeno explains, smile so big his eyes couldn't even be seen. And if Jeno was anyone else, Renjun would've found them to be a total loser, which he was, but his heart could only soften seeing how excited the boy was.

“I see.” Renjun blurts out and chuckles awkwardly. “Aren't those for kids? And pretty out of date?”

“Ah, sure. But I'm a broke college student what makes you think i care for such things?” He snorts and quirks his eyebrow up. “Not all of us are blessed with a family like yours, why do you think i come by so often?”

Renjun giggles. “For sure i always knew you guys took advantage of our good hearts. Well, guess it's our charity work.” He joins in with the joke with ease, forgetting about his nervousness completely. It was first time they properly talked alone, and yet it felt like they always did it. Renjun was too surprised with himself to get self-conscious about it all.

“Ah look at that, aren't you such a considerate person? I should come over more often then, no?”

The younger nods and giggles once more. “Please do, mi casa es su casa.”

Jeno laughs wholeheartedly before patting the boy’s shoulder and excusing himself. Renjun watches as he disappears down the street, sprinting at the speed of light with his… Heelys.

 

 

“Renjun!” Sicheng calls out from his room and then loudly runs towards his brother’s room. “Come with me outside.”

Renjun furrows his eyebrows, his brother had lots of friends surely he could find someone to hang out with that wasn't his younger brother. “Why?

“Uh. Well i need to do something and i don't want to go alone.” He knocks on the door and whimpers. “Look, dad said we should try to get closer anyways.”

The younger opens the door and rolls his eyes. “Fine just wait two minutes or something.” And then the door is slammed in front of Sicheng’s face again.

 

Renjun didn't understand a thing, for starters he was at an ice cream store and Sicheng had always whined about hating ice cream, secondly; they weren't even alone. All of his brother's friends were there, Jeno included.

“Why are we here? Why am _i_ here?” He grumbles and tugs at Sicheng’s sleeve but the boy doesn't budge. “Brother!”

He finally snaps out of it and blinks back at Renjun before straightening himself up and smiling. “It's Jaehyun’s new job! We all came to congratulate him! He likes you, y’know? I know you think every single one of my friends hate you but that's just Yuta.”

The younger doesn't even know how to react to that, because he was sure all of Sicheng’s friends hated him (well maybe not Jeno but even then). Knowing Jaehyun had wanted him there sort of made him giddy, it was good to feel liked right?

“Hey Jaehyun!” Sicheng greets with the biggest smile on his face, Renjun wants to cringe at how whipped his brother was but he felt he wasn't any better.

Renjun had been trying his best to ignore the elephant in room, also known as Lee Jeno. His aura was often shadowed by the rest, but to Renjun knowing the boy was in the room suddenly made his brain only focus on whatever Jeno related thing it could pick on. For example in the middle of the chaotic laughter created mostly by Yukhei, Renjun could still hear Jeno’s sweet soft chuckles that made his breath hitch.

“What'd you like Jun?” Sicheng asks bringing him back to reality. “The usual?”

“Yeah.” He breathes out and smiles weakly, Jaehyun looks behind the younger and quirks his eyebrow before looking down with a mischievous expression.

Renjun furrows his eyebrows but not even a second later there's a hand on his shoulder making him release a not so manly noise, and if that wasn't embarrassing enough then seeing that it had been Jeno who touched him made the boy want to dig a hole right there and then.

“Hey.” Jeno giggles. “Man, am i that scary? Or just ugly? You look like you just shat yourself.”

 _Well._ “N-No, sorry oh my god. I just wasn't expecting it.” Renjun bows down slightly and Jeno clicks his tongue at that.

“Anyways, Sicheng really forced you out like this uh?”

“Hey! I wanted him here!” Jaehyun whines as he extends his arm to give Renjun his ice cream. “You're not the only one that likes him!”

Sicheng scrunches up his nose and fake gags. “You bunch of pedos he just turned eighteen.”

Renjun opens his mouth to speak but Jeno beats him to it. “I called dibs!” He jokes and glares at Jaehyun who glares right back. “Find someone else buddy.”

“At least I'm not unemployed.”

“Bitch, I'm trying!” Jeno pouts but Renjun can't even process how cute the view was, all his brain could think about was _I called dibs I called dibs I called dibs._  Everything else sounded like pure gibberish to him.

“Nobody wants a loser to work for them anyways, maybe try cutting that disgusting emo fringe.” Jaehyun smiles sweetly opposed to his words while Sicheng watches the scene with an amused look on his face as he licks his ice cream.

Jeno pushes his hair back exposing his forehead, and that does sort of snap Renjun back to earth but he still feels awfully lost and overwhelmed. “Listen I've been too busy that's why they look like this. But I'll get them cut soon!”

“Soon.” His friend teases with a smirk. “Whatever Lee Jeno, I'm clearly cooler than you.”

“Shouldn't my brother decide that?” Sicheng says, bitter tone to it. Renjun knew just how big his crush was for Jaehyun and the fact that they were involving him in their mess made him want to run far, far away.

“Uh?” He blinks. “I'm lost.”

“See! He's a little kid, you weirdos.” Sicheng pulls his brother into his embrace and pats his head. “Shh it's okay kiddo, I'll protect you from these old men.”

Renjun snorts and drifts his gaze from Sicheng so he could look at Jeno whose eyes were two crescents. They lock eyes and Renjun’s smile widens, he couldn't make himself think much of Jeno’s words but even so, being so comfortable around Jeno already made his heart squeeze in his chest. It was a nice feeling after all those years of silently watching him from afar wishing he could find a stupid excuse to exchange a few words with the boy.

He closes his eyes and smiles to himself as his chest tightens filled with overwhelming happiness.

 

 

 

Since the ice cream shop day, Renjun hadn't heard any news from Jeno. It’d been about a month which wasn't all that long considering he had gone almost a whole year not seeing Jeno at all once, but this time it felt harder to bear. He had had such an amazing time with him last time that the need to repeat it was greater than anything else.

Jeno had always treated him kindly and respectfully from the moment they first met, but lately his posture towards him had shifted. He was more laid back, almost treating Renjun had if they had been friends for the longest time. Neither were big talkers, the amount of times they had exchanged more than three words to one another in a row could be counted using two hands only, however that too had changed. Their conversations flowed with such fluency that Renjun could not believe how scared he used to be of opening his mouth near the other. He wanted to get to know the other in a more profound level, Jeno was truly interesting and captivating, the type of person Renjun would talk for hours and never get bored of. Or maybe he was simply too whipped. He couldn't really tell anymore.

It was a Friday night but, as per usual, Renjun hadn't gone out. Chenle was being held captive by his overly protective parents and the other two in their little group, who he didn't really care for if he was being quite frank, never agreed to go out with him alone. Renjun was used to barely going out anyways, it didn't bug him since he preferred the comfort of his own house.

The sound of the door cracking open grabs his attention, he perks up and stays put listening to the sound of chatter that had become increasingly louder as the boys walked inside the house. “Is your bro home?” He hears and squeaks. _Jeno._

The boys rummages his desk to find his earphones and plugs them in just before the door to his room slides open slightly showing Jeno’s shiny black hair poking through the crack. They lock eyes and Renjun casually takes out the earphones he had just put on, faking a serenity that he definitely didn't feel inside.

“Hey bud, uh…” The older scans the room quickly – baby blue walls and mostly white furniture. Nothing had changed much since he was a child, mostly because Renjun couldn't be bothered. “Wanna go out with us?”

“Define us.” He quirks his eyebrow and turns his chair so that he's facing Jeno. “Because if Yuta is there to mock me-”

“He's not with us.” The other smiles softly. “So? Coming?”

Renjun looks down at his clothes, a dirty white shirt that really needed to be washed and some grey shorts. “Sure, i need to change though.”

“Cool!” Jeno grins before closing the door again and leaving Renjun alone to squeal to himself.

It really felt like it had been years since he had last seen Jeno, his heart was racing with excitement and to think he'd spend even more hours that night with him was making the boy want to scream. He tries to find something nice but casual to wear as quickly as possible, opting with a mustard hoodie and khaki jorts.

He sprints to his bathroom so that noone in the living room sees him to fix his hair and clean his face, then stays staring at his reflection while trying to calm himself down. It felt way too good to be able to go out at night with Jeno, he was never given the chance before since they treated him like a total child. Suddenly being eighteen didn't sound so bad.

“Jun! Will you take much longer?!” Sicheng asks irritated and Renjun finally seems to snap out of it.

“Sorry! Coming!” He grabs his specs instead of wasting more time putting on his contact lenses and walks out, calmly greeting Sicheng’s friends as soon as he finds them near the main entrance. “Should we go?”

Sicheng nods and open the door, the sun was already setting behind the mountains. “Yes let's go.”

 

“Do you drink?” Jeno asks next to him as they wait to be attended.

Renjun chews on his bottom lip, truthfully he didn't. It was rare for him to like alcohol so he'd only drink it to get drunk, but everyone seemed to be buying alcoholic drinks and he didn't want to feel like a child like usual. “Sure why not?”

The older snorts but doesn't comment on how long it had taken Renjun to make a decision. “Don't drink too much, we are all awful with alcohol nobody can take care of you properly.” Jeno says while looking at the variety of drinks he could pick from, Renjun turns his head to the other side to hide his smile and then forces a poker face before looking up at Jeno once again.

“Ah, yeah i didn't plan on getting wasted.”

Jeno shrugs. “Sicheng is probably going to make you go home soon anyways.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, he won't let you stay till after midnight.” Jeno finally looks at the younger, and Renjun swore he could see disappointment in the boy’s eyes. “I'm surprised he even agreed to letting you go with us.”

“Oh? It wasn't his idea?” Renjun asks but doesn't get a reply since they were next in line to order.

He asks for Jeno to order something sweet for him with the excuse that he trusted the boy’s taste when in fact he had no clue how any of those drinks even tasted like. They head back out where the rest of the group already was sitting around a single table chatting about random life stories. Renjun listened attentively and laughed along but never really joined, truthfully his life was quite uneventful, not that he minded it, but part of him felt bad for not contributing to the conversation.

Renjun puts his hand on his cheek and hisses, the cold night air didn't seem to cool down his body temperature no matter what. Only his cold hands seemed to remain normal. “Is this normal?” He grabs Jeno’s bigger hand and, with a new-found confidence, places it on his forehead.

The older furrows his eyebrows and puts both his hands on the sides of Renjun’s face. “I mean, yeah. But if you feel too dizzy please tell me.” He says in a worried tone that makes his body go from warm to scorching hot.

His vision seemed to be fine, but there was a pounding in his head that made it feel as if he was sort of dreaming. In fact, he didn't even notice that Jeno had kept his hand on top of his cold one until many minutes later. He blinks a few times and then a smile spreads across his face. Without thinking, Renjun grabs Jeno’s hand properly and intertwines their fingers as if it was the most natural thing ever.

“You okay?” Jeno whispers next to the boy’s ear and squeezes his hand.

Renjun shoots him drunken smile and nods. “More than… I'm great.” He giggles and presses the back of Jeno’s hand against his cheek like he was a cat, enjoying the feeling of the boy’s bony knuckles brush against his skin.

The older gulps and looks around with shaky eyes to check if Sicheng was paying attention but the other was too busy flirting with Jaehyun to care. Renjun had always been overly babied and Sicheng was awfully scary whenever he got pissed off.

“Do you want to go home?” He asks softly and lets Renjun keep on rubbing his face against his hand.

The boy stops and looks up at Jeno, eyelashes fluttering slightly. “Yours?”

“What?” He chokes up and laughs awkwardly. “What are you saying?”

“Whatever I'm hopeless, i knew already.” Renjun mumbles and lets his head fall on Jeno’s shoulder as if his whole body had given up on functioning. “At least you let me touch you.”

Jeno opens and closes his mouth then looks up at the sky as if it would give him some answers to how to deal with the situation. “Should i tell your brother you wanna go home?”

Renjun whines and shakes his head violently, he lets go of Jeno’s hand so that he could snakes his arms around the older’s torso and pull him closer. “No! Let me have this you dickhead!”

The other forces down his laughter and plays with the strands of Renjun’s hair. “Okay, you can stay like that till midnight. Then we take you home.”

“Sure.” Renjun mumbles against the fabric of Jeno’s shirt and nuzzles his face closer. “You smell good. I wanna smell you forever.”

Jeno chuckles and pats the boy’s head. “Alright buddy sure thing.”

 

Renjun wakes up again at some point during the night for no apparent reason. He instinctively grabs his phone and scrolls through his social media but his half awaken state wasn't letting him process anything he was seeing. Just before he puts it down to try and go back to sleep again though, something catches his eye.

 _1 new friendship request -_ **_Lee Jeno_ **

He squints and closes his eyes only to open then again a few seconds later. It was still there. Renjun giggles loudly, not even the pounding inside his head seemed to matter anymore.

The boy presses his phone against his chest as if it was made of gold. It doesn't take long till sleep catches onto him once again.


	3. summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I'm ringing the bell, what are you doing just standing there?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well.. i hope i didnt overhype this fic but i enjoyed writing older jeno and whipped renjun so much that i didnt stfu abt it T T eh i hope its good though!!!!
> 
> thanku for all the comments n kudos btw they motivated me lots to write this so quickly <3333
> 
> sorry for any typos or phrases that sound off?? god im lazy to read this more than once bear w me lmfao

**G** iggles. Water splashing. _Wait._

Renjun snaps his eyes open and stays staring at the ceiling listening to his surroundings. He could swear there were loud splashing sounds coming in the distance.

His brain begged for him to stay in bed but the curiosity burning inside of him won over and so he gets up to go search for the source of the sound. Renjun walks down the hall and then, when the sound still seemed too far away, he decided to go inside his parents bedroom.

Renjun stands sleepily inside the empty spacious room trying to process what to do next before another giggle followed by a loud splashing noise just outside grabs his attention. He heads towards the balcony, the sun rays hurt his eyes to the point where he couldn't even see what was ahead of him.

“Jun!” He hears his brother call out for him and rubs his eyes before opening them again and blinking away his blurry morning vision. “Aw you look like a baby.”

Renjun flips him off. “You woke me up.” He squints to figure out who else was in there pool with him and gasps when he recognizes the familar black locks. Even without his glasses Renjun could still recognise him.

“Come join us!” Jaehyun shouts and Renjun plays with the end of his long white shirt shyly, not that he minded his body but Jeno was there and suddenly any bit of insecurity that he'd often ignore surfaced back up.

“Maybe!” He shouts as well and disappears back inside his parent’s room where he allows himself to deflate. Sicheng’s friends would usually come by during winter not summer holidays since most went away on vacation during their big break, his brother hadn't mentioned anything about them visiting either. Renjun could feel his heart in the back of throat with just how nervous he felt.

He walks downstairs, but not before grabbing a pair of swimming trunks as he passes by his room. Renjun hears his mother singing in the kitchen as he heads outside where he finds his dad grilling their lunch, the familiarity of it all made him feel less nervous about having to be seen shirtless by a bunch of attractive dudes, but _still_.

“Hey buddy.” His dad smiles. “Going to swim with the rest?”

“Yeah, Jaehyun asked if i wanted to…” He looks down at his stomach and pats it softly before looking back up.

“That’s good! Have fun, lunch should be ready in about an hour.” The man smiles once more and then goes back to paying attention to the food.

Renjun takes a while to finally move away from his dad, it was so stupid but he couldn't help but feel awfully nervous. “Don't be a wussy.” He grumbles and he stomps on the floor with frustration.

“Injun! Where are you?!” Sicheng calls out impatiently and so he starts walking faster down the path of grass.

Ignoring the bubbling nervousness inside of him was hard, but Renjun keeps going up the three little steps that lead to the pool area with his head hanging low refusing to look at the males swimming around. “There he is!” Jaehyun exclaims and moves towards the border of the pool so he could be closer to the younger. “Come, it's cold at first but it'll wake you up in no time.”

Renjun grumbles under his breath but pokes his feet on the water to test it, then hisses at how cold it was compared to his body temperature. A shower of complaints come right after, asking him to stop being a little baby and get it over with but that only makes Renjun want to run off inside to his comfort zone even more. “Just keep playing, I'll eventually come inside.” The youngest whines.

Everyone seems to accept the idea thankfully and so he goes back to dipping his foot on the water slowly even if the movement of the boys playing created little waves that wet him till his ankle. He contains his hisses, though, he didn't want to remind the others of his presence. Suddenly something smacks against his thigh leaving a patch of water on the spot as well as a big red mark. “Hey what the fuck?” He groans and rubs the spot that had been hit. “Who did that?”

His eyes scan every boy, the only one smiling was Jeno who looked back at him with a malicious look. Renjun couldn't even get himself to be mad at him even if his thigh hurt like hell. Plus, a giant blob of grey that spread from the boy’s chest to his bicep snatched his attention away from anything else, including the pain in his thigh.

Now, Renjun was pretty damn blind when he didn't have glasses on, but he was pretty sure that was a tattoo. And he also sure as hell did not remember Jeno having one of those.

“Come on in already.” Jeno whines and disappears underwater only to show up at the surface again near Renjun’s feet. “On a scale from one to ten how mad will you be if i push you in?”

 _Zero._ “Eleven, don't you dare.”

Jeno smirks and latches one of his hands onto the boy’s leg and his arm wraps around his torso. Renjun gives Jeno’s shoulder a quick glance, he was right; there was a big tattoo there but he didn't have time to process what the design was. “Too late.” For a few seconds there's only white bubbles in front of him, until those dissipate and then Jeno’s blurred face is all he can see.

When they surface, Renjun splashes water right in the boy’s face to pretend he was annoyed when in reality he really wasn't. Actually, Renjun couldn't help but feel giddy that Jeno was playing with him so comfortably. “Idiot.”

“But it worked, you're inside ready to play now.” The boy clicks his tongue and backstrokes back to his side of the pool. “You're in the other team with Jaehyun and Yukhei.”

Renjun looks back where the two guys were and swims the fastest he could there. “I suck at games, sorry beforehand.” He mumbles just before Sicheng throws the rubber ball across the whole pool to try and hit the border so he could score a goal.

“Just have fun.” Jaehyun pats his back reassuringly when Yukhei manages to the catch the ball. “We don't actually care if we win or lose.”

 

That was a lie. They were not even five minutes into the game and Sicheng was already cursing in Mandarin loud and clear for Yukhei to hear on the other side of pool (it wasn't even a big pool, did he _really_ need to speak that loudly?) after Renjun’s team had scored a goal.

“Pipe that dirty mouth down.” Yukhei cackles and throws the ball so it lands right on his friend’s face, except it doesn't because Sicheng manages to catch it.

“Fuck you come say that over here.”

Renjun cringes but before he can even utter a word, the ball smacks against his forehead and bounces outside the pool with the magnitude of the impact. Everything goes quiet, or maybe Renjun can't hear with the shock, and then an avalanche of bodies comes storming in almost making him drown with the waves.

“Injun? Injun I'm really sorry-”

“Boy isn't even breathing properly stop moving you whales.”

“Just grab him and put him out of the pool already. “

A pair of arms wraps around his waist and then he feels his legs come in contact with a warmer and drier surface. Renjun felt dizzy, his head seemed to weight ten times more, so he lets it flops against whoever was that had picked him up. “Jun are you okay?”

“M’okay.” The younger mumbles and rubs his head in circles to relieve the pain. “Dizzy.”

“Just lay down I'll get you a towel holdon.” His brother’s voice is the only one he can pick up on, the rest sound familiar but his brain couldn't process who it came from. “Okay lay down I've put a towel.”

Renjun does as he's told and hums when Sicheng asks him if he's okay for the thousandth time. “All good, just felt dizzy and swallowed some water.”

“I didn't think i smacked you that hard I'm so sorry.” The boy caresses Renjun’s face. “Just lay there for a bit then get up when you feel peachy.”

The other shoots him a thumbs up and then closes his eyes again, his feet were still inside the pool moving with the small waves preventing him from feeling too warm. The midday sunrays were awfully strong, if he stayed there for too long he'd burn his body refused to move.

“Injunnah, did you put sunscreen?” Someone asks and then Renjun feels skin touch his feet. He cracks his eye open only to find Jeno in between his legs looking up at him with a worried look. Renjun’s eyes drift towards the shaded area in the boy’s chest and bicep right away, curiosity spikes inside of him once again. He _really_ wished he hadn't such a bad eyesight. “It's twelve in the morning, the sun is too strong.”

The boy moves his eyes upwards again and stares at Jeno whose hair seemed shorter, only a few strands dangled in front of his eyes the rest was slicked back exposing his pretty features that would often be hidden by his fringe. He almost forgets that he has to respond.

“Right, i should go inside.” He says but doesn't move. Jeno was still in the middle of his legs, he feels an urge to wrap them around the older’s torso but doesn't. That'd be weird. “Uhm.”

Jeno pats his knee and finally starts moving away. “We have to play again soon, though.” He grins before disappearing underwater leaving Renjun blushing like crazy in his spot.

  


“Get dressed, we're going out.” Sicheng pats his brother’s shoulder and points upstairs where their rooms were located.

Renjun looks back catching a glimpse of the males already outside all dressed up ready to go and then looks back at Sicheng. “Why? Just go?”

“Dad said I'd be a dickhead to keep you here alone.” He snorts when Renjun rolls his eyes.”I promise i do wanna spend time with you not only because dad says so.”

“Right...Sure.” He shakes his head and sprints upstairs to get ready the fastest he could so to not leave the guests waiting for too long. “Dumb Sicheng.” The boy mumbles while running his fingers through his hair, messing them up so it wouldn't look so damp. “I look like shit.”

Even so, Renjun decides to not spend too long getting himself ready out of pure vanity. Instead he heads downstairs even if he felt like he looked like a zombie, because screw looking presentable _Right? Right._

He slides the glass door that lead to the swimming pool area where they were all waiting but he doesn't even manage out an ‘Hello’ since his eyes land on Jeno right away. And, _fine,_ it wasn't the first time the boy knocked his breath away or anything but _those glasses_. He had never seen them since whenever Jeno would come over, he refused to wear them. Looking at him with them on, Renjun couldn't wrap his mind around why Jeno refused to wear them so badly.

“Let's go then.” Sicheng clasps his hands together and heads towards the grass path leading to the main entrance.

Renjun walks behind them all in silence, hearing their conversations while pretending to not care much when in fact he was the opposite. “Yuta will come tomorrow, he managed to get himself a week's worth of vacation, we'll meet him at the beach.”

The boy frowns, Yuta pretty much hated whenever he was around. Which in a way he could understand, but it wasn't his fault he'd often get dragged to be with them so it made no sense he was so salty with him. He remembered when he first got to know them all Yuta seemed intimidating just like the rest, but as he started to talk Renjun actually became interested. Not in a romantic way of course, but the dude seemed funny, the sarcastic humour was hilarious to Renjun.

That changed, though. Now he couldn't bare being around Yuta, those sarcastic remarks no longer seemed like jokes and yet bitter truths that he liked to hide behind a cocky snort. Renjun just couldn't get it, he had done nothing to him.

“He says he's over you, even started fooling around with this girl from uni.” Jeno shrugs, and now the conversation sure seemed interesting.

“Yeah whatever he can say that and yet he still shoots daggers at Jaehyun and my own brother as if Renjun has any business in this.” Sicheng grunts. “I love Yuta but lately he's become so childish, and i really miss the old him but everytime i bring up this topic he puts on that facade and says I'm thinking too highly of myself.”

Renjun’s eyes go wide, in his heads the bits and pieces start to come together to form the full picture of what exactly was going on. “I know and it's become hard to bring the group together because of this. But he liked you since you guys were practically kids, please understand that it must be super hard for him.” Jeno rubs the back of his nape awkwardly and then sighs. “I don't think he sees how harmful to us all he's being, he's just drowning in pain to the point where he sees nothing else.”

Sicheng lets out a noise of frustration. “But every time i bring it up to fix things he acts like I'm a piece of shit! What can i do then?!”

They all become quiet, the trotting sound of their footsteps against the concrete floor was no longer just background noise. Renjun should've guessed what was going on, the glares, the bitter comments, the fact that Yuta barely came over anymore. It added up, and truthfully Renjun felt pity. The happy Yuta seemed like a great dude, his cloudy hate towards the boy had vanished entirely after knowing the full story.

“I'll try to talk to him.” Jeno finally says, many minutes later when they're already down the long road near the house with a big orchard that they'd often steal fruit from since the branches hung from outside the fence.

”Think he'll listen?” Sicheng looks at his friend with a sad and worried expression. “I really miss Yuta, he doesn't talk to me anymore…

It's been years since he confessed i can't do this anymore it just becomes worse as time passes.”

The desperation in his brother’s tone makes Renjun move faster so he could become closer to him and hold his hand to calm him down. All of those friends had been in Sicheng’s life since they had moved from China, and even if he got new ones he could tell just how much that group meant to him. Just like Chenle meant the world to him too, and if he were to lose him for stuff like that; Renjun would feel as disorientated.

“I will try, okay? He usually listens to me and if he doesn't i will make him. I miss us.” Jeno bites his bottom lip. “I miss us five together in harmony more than anything.”

Yukhei and Jaehyun nod with conviction, seemingly ready to try alongside Jeno. And even if Renjun had nothing to do with any of that, tears still form in his eyes from how strong their bond seemed to be.

 

Hours later, the Yuta subject seemed to die entirely. The town was full of people since it was summer break but not too warm to be outside without dying of dehydration. Even so, Sicheng was already complaining about how warm it was and decides to go inside the nearest souvenir shop to cool down.

Renjun had never been inside it, so everything was new to him but for the rest of the group the funny objects didn't catch their eye anymore. “I should give this to Chenle.” He mumbles to himself while playing with a guy shaped sharpener with the hole for the pencil on his ass. It was funny to him but since nobody else seemed interested, Renjun tried to not stay long playing with it in fear the rest would find him childish.

“I bought Yukhei one of those a few years back.” Jeno admits when Renjun catches onto them. “He brought it to class once in our last year of highschool and got into big trouble though.”

“It's sitting at home in my desk, but i still use it!” Yukhei giggles loudly.

And so maybe, just maybe, Renjun doesn't feel like a childish kid anymore.

Jeno stops in front of him. “Ah these are new.” He grabs a pink bell saying ‘Ring for a kiss’. “Hey Yukhei this one is perfect for you.” Jeno picks the red one, ‘Ring for sex’.

They all gather around, Sicheng picks the white ‘Ring for Wine’ while Jaehyun the yellow ‘Ring for Beer.’ “Bro these are perfect should we buy them?”

“Is there one for Yuta?” Sicheng asks and Jeno grabs the black, ‘Ring for Coffee’. “Perfect.”

Renjun’s brother grabs the bells and keeps on going further inside the shop. “You want one?” Jeno asks and Renjun shakes his head. What he truly wished for was a ‘Ring for Jeno’ that he could use to spare him all the trouble of having to deal with a one sided love that he had long given hope on. Sadly, there were was none. “Okay, let's keep going then.”

 

Somehow they end up in the park when the sun was already starting to weaken in the horizon. Yukhei had challenged Jeno to see who lasted longer on the monkey bars and so there they were, grasping the bars for dear life in a fight for their pride. To Renjun it was simply hilarious to watch Jeno’s attempts to keep his hold.

“Idiots.” Sicheng mumbles and walks closer to the scene and so does Renjun and Jaehyun. “Hey how long is this going to take because we should be heading home soon. Mom wants us to eat dinner at home.”

The two boys look down at them, Jeno’s face had become awfully red and the veins on his neck appeared to be near explosion point. Renjun had been so busy observing Jeno’s sweaty hands fight to stay holding the bar that he hadn't noticed the design peeking out from the boy’s T-shirt. He squints, it seemed to be just random patterns that somehow fitted together.

It ends up being Jeno who flops onto the floor first, his arms — according to him — had turned into jelly after those long minutes trying to keep himself up. “Ah! Ah! It hurts, don't!” The older hisses when Sicheng grabs his hand to help him get up from the floor.

“You're such a dumbass, was it worth it?”

“Yes.”

“I'm disowning you.”

They head home, passing through the rest of the big park, into the busy lively town, then the rural area. The group spoke amongst themselves, while Renjun happily listened in silence like usual. His eyes roamed around, towards the houses and the streets where barely any car seemed to pass by, then back to the boys and especially Jeno who kept analysing his bruised hands. Yukhei seemed to be doing just fine, though.

By the time they pass by the steep path and grabbed some grapes that hung from the infamous house, all of them were panting like crazy. Every two seconds someone would beg for water making the rest grunt in agreement. Hell wasn't over, they still had another steep path to do before they finally reached the house but nobody seemed to have the energy to walk upwards anymore.

“Okay, break time because I'm dying and so are you all.” Sicheng breathes out and sits on a rock nearby the deserted road.

For the entirety of their stop, Renjun’s eyes never leave Jeno’s bicep. He was so curious as to what exactly the pattern was, he cursed himself for not having put on his contacts that morning. All he had seen was a splash of grey and black on the boy’s still very much pale skin. “Hop hop, let's keep on going.” Sicheng says after a long time of them being in absolute silence enjoying their rest. “Mother will kill me if we don't make it there before eight.”

They all groan as a response and reluctantly get up. Renjun had just turned eighteen, but there and then, he surely felt he was eighty instead.

  


Renjun sighs loudly. His good swimming trunks were washing, the other option were Sicheng’s old ones that no longer fit after he had started working out. They weren't ugly per say, just slightly too baggy for Renjun’s slim frame.

He stares at the body mirror and cringes, the hem of the shorts hung just below his hip, almost showing everything that he was trying to hide. The boy pushes the laces to try and tighten them, and it works because he seems to manage to keep them so that his hipbone was hidden. “Good.” He shoots finger guns at himself in the mirror and puts on a random T-shirt he has chosen.

Outside, the rest of the boys were already gathered waiting to leave except his brother who seemed to be nowhere to be found. “Where's my brother?” He asks quietly but Jaehyun thankfully seems to hear it for he perks up and moves his head in the younger’s direction.

“On a mission to find shorts that fit.”

Renjun chuckles. “Funny, i had the same struggle just now.” He tugs his shorts and then regrets it when they drop a little too low, right in front of the three boys. “Hum yeah, I'll go help… him…”

He sprints up the stairs from where he had just come from, face red full of embarrassment from the way Jeno’s eyebrow perked up at the scene. All he wanted to do was dig a hole and jump right in and never come out.

 

Instead, though, he's forced to be sandwiched between Sicheng and Yukhei on the backseat of Jaehyun’s old car. At least Jeno wasn't looking at him, surely he had already forgotten the colour of his boxers by then, but Renjun knew that moment would haunt his mind forever. Kind of like those moments where he'd be laying in bed regretting all his life decisions and then feel like crying in embarrassment even if years had already passed by.

Anyways, the bunch where shouting the lyrics to Lady Gaga song on blasting through the car speakers, the relaxed atmosphere makes his thoughts dissipate and he joins in. Quietly at first, but by the end of the song he too had started screaming at the top of his lungs.

At some point Jeno does turn back and even if it wasn't to talk to Renjun, he still shrinks himself as if that'd hide his existence. He's not actually listening to what the boy was saying to Sicheng, he doesn't notice himself admire Jeno’s entire face until they lock eyes and then it feels as if reality catches onto him.

Jeno’s gaze drops down towards the younger’s thighs, that he had nervously pressed together, and then he's back to sitting properly in his seat. “What?” Renjun breathes out just as a new song starts playing loudly muffling his voice.

He looks at the back of Jeno’s head and blinks, his brain was frozen.

 

It seemed the more Renjun ran away from Jeno, the more destiny shoved him in awkward situations involving the other.

“Guys?!” Jeno looks around him with the sunscreen in his hand. “Please someone put it on my back.”

The three giggle in between them as they run in the direction of the sea leaving a very much offended Jeno behind, as well as an anxious Renjun who tried to pretend he hadn't heard anything Jeno had said by busying himself with finding his book inside his bag.

The book was right there staring at him waiting to be picked up, Jeno didn't know that fact though.

“Injun I'm sorry but could you do me a favour?” Jeno’s voice is so soothing and calculated as if the other was a wild animal that might run if Jeno was to get too close and overstep his boundaries.

Renjun stops moving and then slowly turns to him, livid with shaky hands but smiling nevertheless. “Ah… no problem…” He cleans his knees that had been covered in sand and kneels behind Jeno.

The other hands him the bottle and bends down slightly so Renjun could cover more area. “Oh fuck that's so cold!” Jeno hisses making the younger bark out a laugh.

Renjun puts the palm of his hand on top of the place where he had squirted out sunscreen shakily and then slowly starts smearing it across the boy’s back. “You're so pale, should i put a lot?” He manages to get out.

“I mean, I'll probably still look like I'm cosplaying Larry the lobster either way, but yes please do.” Jeno sighs deeply but Renjun can't help but laugh. “Ah you find it funny… Privileged kids are something else, uh?”

Renjun smacks his hand on Jeno’s back, not too hard — he would never dare do such a thing —, and frowns. “I get sunburnt too! I'm not an idiot like you that's all.” He snorts and puts more of the cream in his hands when the first layer disappeared.

“Hey!” Jeno turns to look at him and glares before going back to his having his back facing Renjun. “Don't forget here.” He pokes his lower back, almost at the hem of his swim trunks. Renjun wants to retort and point out that he could, technically, reach that part easy peasy. But he doesn't.

His hands were no longer shaky. Renjun seemed more invested in watching as Jeno’s muscles moved under his skin and analysing the bit of the tattoo he could see from his position as well as the sparse dots constellation all over his back. As if he had lost sense of what he was doing the boy starts tracing each mole with the pad of his finger. One nearby the boy’s nape, another in his ribs, then two near the spine and lastly even more south, one in his lumbar.

“Having fun back there? Sure hope whatever you drew was not a penis.” Jeno jokes and Renjun finally seems to snap out of it.

His cheeks flush red at the realisation of what he had just done but instead of saying sorry, he goes along with Jeno. “Damn you caught me, guess i have to erase now.” Renjun laughs awkwardly and scrubs the remains of the white cream away. “All done, you can go now.”

“What does that even mean? You're coming with me.” He gets up and stares down at the younger who frowns while shaking his head. “Wasn't a suggestion, you're coming.”

“Ah, why!” Renjun whines with a pout. “Someone should look after our belongings…”

Jeno couches down and grabs the boy’s forearm. “Nobody is going to steal anything, come.”

Renjun does whine again. Actually, he doesn't stop the whole way. Then he's back to whining when the cold water hits his feet, Jeno just laughs at how exasperated Renjun looked earning him a smack in his arm from the other. “Why are you making me do this?” Renjun shrieks when a bigger wave smacks against his knee suddenly. “Why do you hate me?!”

Jeno rolls his eyes while smiling and comes closer, next thing Renjun knows he's being carried bridal style deeper into the sea. He yells and flaps his limbs around to make Jeno let go, which he goes, right in the freezing water.

“You're so mean!” Renjun chokes up, he was fully wet now thanks to Jeno.

“If i hadn't helped you, then you'd still only have the tips of your feet in the water.” The boy clicks his tongue and splashes a tad of water onto the other’s face playfully. “You're welcome!”

And so it starts, Renjun throws as much water as he possibly could in Jeno’s direction making the boy cough out water, then it was Jeno’s turn to get revenge. So on, until a wave crashes right in their faces suddenly running the whole fun.

Jeno emerges first, but seeing Renjun was nowhere to be seen he starts freaking out. He goes underwater, eyes open even if it burnt, but he saw nothing. He goes back up and finds Renjun in the sand looking like he had just seen a ghost and swims fast fast he could closer to the boy. “Holy shit are you okay?”

“Yeah… Just, that was scary. That's all.” His voice comes out so weak it makes Jeno’s eyebrows knit with worry. “Don't look at me like that” Renjun chuckles. “I'll go back there in a minute or so, or do you think I'll let you win like that?”

The smile that spreads across Jeno’s face put the actual sun to shame, it was so genuine, so full of relief. “Of course… you're like your brother. Stubbornness runs in the blood?”

Renjun lets out a breathy laugh. “I suppose so.”

 

The book was in front of him, sure, but it wasn't like he was actually reading anything. The conversation happening was far more interesting.

“I heard the club is best on Fridays, though, maybe we should try it then. Not tonight.” Yukhei suggests and they all nod.

Renjun can't really ignore the bubbling sensation growing inside his stomach, a mix of jealousy and fear. It was so _so_ dumb to fear that Jeno would hook up with someone, it made his throat clog to the point where he felt he was suffocating behind the book cover. He wanted to ask to come, but he had never been a party animal either, and the chances of being there while Jeno finds someone for the night would be awfully painful. He preferred to not see it, if it were to happen.

“Where's Yuta by the way? Shouldn't he be here already?” Sicheng asks and looks all around him.

“Dude said he was on his way not even five minutes ago, you're stressing.” Yukhei pokes his friend’s knee with his foot and chuckles.

“Can't help but feel nervous, you know…”

The conversation fades away and then Renjun decides to finally focus on what the letters in front of him meant. He forgets about Jeno, and the possibility of him hooking up with a stranger. Forgets about the constant fear that Jeno might already have a crush on someone from university. It all vanishes for a short while.

 

Yuta does come back and forces them all to go back in the water, Renjun trails behind after Jeno shoots him a knowing look. One that said, _if you don't come on your own, i will make you._ So he does, he stays behind Jeno admiring the pattern of the tattoo peaking over his shoulder. Flowers, he figures. They travel down and end at the boy’s bicep where other patterns and shapes could be seen. But he has no clue what they mean.

“Do i have to force you in again?” Jeno turns around just as they reach the water, eyes crescents form how bright his smile was.

“N-no.” Renjun stammers and pokes his foot in, his skin gets filled with goosebumps right away. “I'll manage.” Part of him did want to get carried by Jeno once again, the other… Well, it wanted it as well. But he wouldn't really admit to any of that.

Jeno snorts before diving in leaving Renjun by himself. The boy swears he's trying, but the water feels so cold compared to how warm his body had gotten that he can't get himself to move.

“Injunnah!” He hears and looks up, the boys were all gathered together but it was Jeno who seemed to have spoken. “Still over there?!”

 _Oh no._ He squeaks when Jeno starts swimming in his direction, and then stops breathing when Jeno’s broader frame shows up right in front of him, dripping head to toe. “Maybe a _warm_ hug will help.”

Renjun doesn't get to run away before two cold arms wrap around his body and pull him closer until his cheek is pressed against the also cold surface of Jeno’s chest. “Oh my god.” The boy cries out and tries his best to free himself but Jeno just squishes him tighter. “Jeno! You're freezing-”

The other turns them around so Renjun’s back is turned to the vast sea just as a wave crashes against him, the only thing left untouched by the water were the boy’s locks. Jeno snorts when Renjun digs his nails in the older’s bicep so hard they left crescent shaped marks in the skin. “You're acting like you're being killed or something.”

“Because i am!” Renjun shouts and Jeno finally let's go of him worried he might’ve actually offended the other.

“I'm sorry i didn't think you'd actually hate it.” Jeno rubs the back of his neck awkwardly and then looks back to where the rest of the boys were.

Renjun frowns, suddenly feeling tinier than an ant. “I wasn't…” He whispers and bites on his bottom lip before taking a few steps back and crouching down so the water was up to his chest. “See? I'm fine.”

The other stands up high looking down at him with a puzzled look on his face. “You really are just like your brother.” He finally cracks a smile and shakes his head before sitting next to Renjun so they were the same height. “A family of cats.”

Renjun rolls his eyes, but Jeno did have a point. He'd often have to witness Sicheng pretend he didn't like Jaehyun’s attention when in reality it was obvious how much he loved it from the way his eyes sparkled. Jaehyun didn't seem to notice, though.

“Come on, your brother might think we're doing something. I'd be dead meat.” The boy turns around and starts swimming away, Renjun’s smile turns upside down when reality hits him again. _Right, we're not doing anything._

 

He really _really_ needs to stop making a fool out himself. It seemed it was one after the other that day, to the point where if the thing poking his legs was actually a shark, he wouldn't even mind. But it wasn't, it turned out to be Jeno trying to push him underwater by tugging at the his ankles.

Except Renjun doesn't know that, and starts crying about how there was an animal trying to kill him making what felt like the whole beach stare at him. Probably only Sicheng and the rest of his buddies actually paid him any attention, but still.

He kicks hard to try and get away from the strong hold, apparently kicking Jeno’s chin in the process. Very charming. “Oh fuck I'm sorry.” Renjun swims closer to Jeno when he emerges rubbing his chin with a hurt expression. “I didn't know it was you…”

“It's fine.” Jeno chuckles but Renjun doesn't seem to believe it. “Stop looking at me like that, it's fine. I'm not going to reprimand you or anything.”

“To be fair, he deserved that one.” Yuta butts in and smirks when Jeno flips him up off. “He's fine, his chin is as strong as iron.”

The other scrunches up his whole face. “The fuck does that even mean?” He throws a bit of water in Yuta’s direction.

“Means it hurts like a bitch when you decide that resting your chin in our shoulders is a good idea.” He throws water back, and before Jeno can fight back, Renjun speaks up again.

“Still, I'm sorry. Hope it doesn't hurt too much.” He chews on his bottom lip nervously as he looks right into the other’s eyes.

Jeno shakes his head and pats Renjun’s head. “You're too weak to make it hurt.” He teases and dives back underwater to run away from Renjun who had already raised his fist up high threateningly.

“I hate you!” Renjun shouts when Jeno comes back out many meters away. “Should've broken that chin of yours!”

Jeno just laughs, head thrown back as he lets out the loudest laugh the boy had ever seen come from him. Renjun can't help but smile at the view.

 

The group splits, Jaehyun slowly drifted away from everyone and started walking alongside the beach with his legs still pretty much submerged. Renjun, who was bored out of his wits since Jeno was more invested in whatever the topic of their conversation was, follow nearby swimming calmly since the waves had already calmed down.

Minutes later and the two were walking side by side, casually talking about Renjun’s university choices. Talking to Jaehyun was always easy, warmness radiated off him which always ended up calming him down from the nervousness that always rose whenever he had to speak to anyone that was his family or friend.

“Wait up you guys!” Someone shouts somewhere behind them.

Jeno catches onto them a few seconds later by swimming the fastest he could. “Came to disrupt my alone with Jun?” Jaehyun clicks his tongue and snakes his arm around the younger’s shoulder to bring him closer to him.

“I said i called dibs.” Jeno pokes his tongue out and tries snatching his friend’s arm away from Renjun but fails. “Whatever, fuck you.” He finally gives up and stays by Renjun’s side.

The conversation drifts, the two older boys start sharing their initiation stories with Renjun who admitted to be very nervous to start. They hadn't made it much better, but the crazy stories made him forget about his worries for the most part.

“Oh these are so pretty…” Renjun points at the floor and crouches down to pick up a conch laying in the thin sand. It was light brown with random yellow stripes all over it.

Next thing they know, the three were trying to catch conches. Renjun sat on the sand with a concentrated glare as if he was a cat, every time he'd catch a glimpse of the pretty object, he'd quickly grab a handful of sand to try and catch it. Jaehyun was quietly picking some and examining them one by one to make sure they weren't broken. And then there was Jeno, kneeing nearby Renjun, and didn't seem to mind the way the waves crashed in his back every ten or so seconds.

“Injunnah.” Jeno calls out and extends his arms when Renjun perks up. “Reminds me of you.”

In his hand was a big seemingly white conch, but when he grabbed it to look properly, it looked like a pretty sunrise. A splash of faded yellow coloured the front with a few droplets of orange here and there, and then at the tip a shade of pastel blue blended with the yellow. He had never seen such a beautifully coloured conch before in his life.

“Holy…” Renjun breathes out and looks at Jeno with his mouth hanging slightly open. “It's so beautiful.”

“Keep it! My present to you!” Jeno smiles brightly before going back to carefully looking for more conches.

Renjun stares at the boy for a few seconds, cheeks burning hot from both the sun and how flustered he felt. He makes it his mission to find a gorgeous conch for Jeno as a payback.

Except they all look bland compared to the one he had been given, and none reminded him of Jeno per say. Most were dirty brown, or grey. When Jaehyun suggests they head back, Renjun refuses as asks for a bit more time just so he could find something more decent to gift Jeno. Not that the older would really care, but it'd still make Renjun sleep better at night knowing he had given him a worthy present.

Finally, just as Jaehyun was about to suggest going back to their towels again, a conch seems to grab his attention. When the sun shone on it in a certain angle, it seemed blue, but overall it was black. He thankfully manages to catch it and looks closely, it sparkled — or maybe Renjun’s eyes were tricking him — and there was a pattern of navy blue nearby the empty hole. The boy holds it up and watches as the black changes in a shade of dark blue, it was perfect. It screamed Jeno to him, the colour and uniqueness of it all.

He giggles out loud and runs next to Jeno, accidentally splashing water all over the place, and holds out the conch in the palm of his hand as if it was a relic. “For you! Also reminds me of you!” He says excitedly, not caring if he sounded like a child.

“Wow, that's…” Jeno picks the conch, a soft smile spreads across his lips and then he looks at Renjun with sparkly eyes. “It's really, really pretty. Thank you!”

Renjun feels like giggling again but contains it and instead grins back at him while holding the one Jeno had given him tightly in his other hand. “It looks blue if you hold it up so the sun shines on it.”

Jeno quirks his eyebrow and tests it. “How’d you manage to find such a pretty one?! It's amazing.” He praises and Renjun ducks his head down to hide the blush forming in his cheeks.

“Hey, not to ruin the moment but it's really best we start heading back now.” Jaehyun says and pokes Renjun’s back.

“You did that on purpose.” Jeno glares jokingly and Jaehyun shrugs smugly back at him.

“Maybe.”

 

A little problem arises, one that _somehow_ all of then had forgotten about. With Yuta there, it was six people that had to fit into a car with five seats. And, obviously, Renjun was the one that had to sit on someone's lap so they could all fit. Not only he was the youngest, but also the thinnest, they hadn't even had to think twice before starting to discuss who would take him in his lap. Renjun just stood stoic in his spot, watching the debate with shaky eyes.

He hadn't even agreed to any of it.

“Think it should be Jeno, though. You guys seem comfortable?” Jaehyun suggests when Yukhei volunteers to do it.

“Hey! We're comfortable too, aren't we Jun?” The older stares at the boy with what seemed to be pleading eyes, which really made no sense because who in their right mind would want an extra weight on top of them for a twenty minute ride? _Yukhei must be nuts_ Renjun thinks.

“Sure?” He shrugs his shoulders and furrows his eyebrows. “I don't care really, could be anyone.” _Anyone but Jeno_ , because God knows Renjun would puke with nervousness if he had to spend that much time pretending to be calm.

Jaehyun turns to Jeno. “Look i still think you're best for this, Yukhei is probably going to treat him like a rag doll.” He glares at his friend, surely there had to be an inside joke going on there for him to say that. Renjun just didn't get it.

“I'm cool with it if he is.” Jeno gives Renjun a quick glance to which the other replies with a nod despite the total collapse going on inside his body.

_Really, what kind of karma…_

“Alright! We good to go!” Jaehyun exclaims and heads inside the car, sitting at the front with Winwin.

First goes Yuta who sits at the far right, then Jeno in the middle which meant it was Renjun’s cue to go in as well. He looks at Jeno — who pats his lap — and gulps, maybe a hit too loudly. “Sorry if my bones poke your legs…” Renjun whispers and Jeno doesn't answer, instead he latches his hands on the boy’s hips and forces him down before he could back out.

“Don't worry about me.” Jeno squeezes his hip reassuringly and chuckles when he feels how tense Renjun was. “Also relax, i swear you feel like a light rock right now.”

“Uh, uhm…” The boy blinks ahead and forces down the groan of frustration that almost left his lips. He wanted to relax, but Jeno was literally everywhere, how could he relax when he could feel Jeno’s chest on his back and his arms wrapped around his torso. He was going mad.

Once Yukhei is inside and everyone ready to go, the car starts moving. Which also meant Jeno’s hold became stronger to prevent Renjun from falling, _great._ It was going to be a long ride.

 

At some point, as Renjun stared out of the window with empty eyes, a hand creeps up his nape towards the back of his head. He stares at the rear vision mirror, his already pink tainted cheeks from the sun become almost red when he sees how Jeno was caressing his wavy hair. Usually Renjun would straighten it so it didn't look messy, but because of the salty sea water it had turned into a mess of curls that dangled with the car’s movements.

He doesn't say anything, honestly he loved whenever people played with his hair. It relaxed him, which was probably what Jeno was going for since he hadn't quite relaxed since the ride had started. Renjun closes his eyes and breathes in calmly enjoying how good Jeno’s fingers felt scraping against his scalp.

Jeno leans forward, his lips brush against the back of Renjun’s ear for a split second as he starts talking. “Curly hair suits you.” He compliments while twirling a curl with his index and leaning back again.

Renjun stares at the little mirror hanging at the front of the car again and watches Jeno’s serene yet concentrated face as the boy played with the strands. A shiver runs down his spine making him fumble in his seat and then their eyes meet in the mirror, Renjun looked like a deer caught in headlights but Jeno just smiles softly before going back to doing what he was doing previously.

The boy thought he might combust before they got home.

 

He ruffles his now clean locks and then dries then slightly with his towel. Finally he felt clean, he hated the sticky feeling he'd get because of the seawater. Renjun grabs all his things and slides the bathroom door open, ahead in the living room people start chanting Jeno’s name to tell him it was his turn and for him to be quick.

The older passes by him with his own towel in hand as well as clean pair of clothes and smiles softly when their eyes lock. Renjun ducks his head down slightly and hurries towards the living room, but not before leaving his dirty clothes in the laundry.

“Jun come here!” Yukhei calls out with his arms open, the boy stops in his tracks and blinks back at him with pure confusion. “We are close right? You feel comfortable with me!”

Renjun opens and closes his mouth. It all felt so sudden, why bring it up when they had never spoken for longer than five minutes? “S-sure…” He sits nearby him and Sicheng but, as he looks at his brother for answers, someone tugs his shirt forcing Renjun to collapse on top of them. “Hey!” The bot shrieks but Yukhei simply laughs in amusement.

“Don't mind him, he got bitter because i said you're closer to Jeno. He can't deal with not being the center of attention and being the best, am i right?” Jaehyun smirks at Yukhei who feigns an offended look.

“Me?! Are you saying i don't like our tiny Jun for real?” The older ruffles the boy’s wet locks and giggles loudly. “He's so cute.”

“Am not cute!”

“Owww!”

The sound of the bathroom door sliding open makes them pause for a split second before Yukhei goes back to squishing Renjun’s face with his big hands that could easily hide the boy’s whole face.

“That was quick.” Jaehyun points out. Renjun finally manages to move his head to he could look at Jeno and regrets it right away, his breath seems to clog in his throat at the sight.

The other runs his hands through his wet hair exposing his forehead in the process. “Y’all said be to be quick, just followed orders.” Jeno drifts his eye towards Yukhei and snorts. “Hey, you might break his neck with your ogre hands be careful.”

“Fuck you.” The chinese boys say at the same time and then giggle at each other.

“Whatever it's your turn, let him go.” Jeno smacks the back of Yukhei’s head lightly and tugs at his shirt for him to move.

Yukhei gets up reluctantly, but not before Renjun sits straight again to give him space to get up. The youngest locks eyes with Jeno who, unlike usual, doesn't crack a smile. Not even one of those soft curt ones. It felt weird.

“Aren't you going to put some clothes on?” Yuta points out and, now that Jeno was looking at his friend and not Renjun, the younger quickly steals a glance at the bit of exposed chest on show that the loosely put bathrobe wasn't hiding.

“What? Is it bothering you.” Jeno smirks slyly but Yuta only rolls his eyes.

“Don't play with me kid.”

The other snorts and goes back to looking at Renjun from behind the couch where he was leaning on. As much as the younger wanted to turn his back to him completely he felt he was hypnotised by the other’s gaze, it was cold, harsh, he felt too weak to break it.

Finally, after a few seconds more of staring at each other, Jeno seems to snap out of it and heads towards the stairs. Renjun follows him with his eyes and then too snaps out of whatever spell he was in when the boy disappears. _That was weird._

 

After dinner and after Renjun’s parents said their goodnights, Sicheng whips out his computer and plugs it to the television. Renjun doesn't need to ask to know what was going on, “So which movie you guys wanna watch?!” He asks and hell breaks loose, everyone spoke over each other beggin for their favourite to be played. All horror movies, of course. Because Renjun couldn't get a break. “Slow the fuck down.”

“Look it's your house it's fair you're the one picking the movie.” Jaehyun suggests and everyone agrees, even if reluctantly.

Renjun doesn't move much from the spot he had already sat on right after he finished eating, his eyes attentively watch the scene in front of him unfold. First Sicheng tries to get the movie started, and as usual Jaehyun has to come over and help him — he was pretty sure his brother knew how to do it by then, he just really liked to play dumb so the other would help him. But anyways. Then people start to sit down after grabbing some snacks even if they had just ate like pigs, Yukhei squeezes himself closer to Renjun as possible and the younger can't help but chuckle at how hard the other was trying to prove himself. Not that he was complaining, it was pretty amusing.

What doesn't quite make him chuckle is the feeling of having Jeno’s leg pressing against his on his other side, in fact it makes his whole body tense up and his brain go on overdrive. “You guys are going to break my bones.” Renjun complains and jiggles his butt to try and make the two move slightly.

“Maybe if Yukhei wasn't sitting so close that wouldn't happen.” Jeno mumbles making Yukhei snort.

“He said you guys, you're in the wrong too. Scooch a bit.” He puts his arm behind Renjun so he could touch Jeno’s shoulder and push him away.

“Why are you acting like a baby?!” Yuta cries out from his spot on the couch. “Renjun just pinch him if he annoys you too much.”

The youngest blinks back at him before finding a coherent answer, he just found it odd that Yuta was taking his side for once _and_ being kind. “Good thing my nails have grown a bit then.” He smirks and then looks at Jeno threateningly.

That seems to do it for Jeno who finally moves a bit, maybe an inch for the looks of it, and starts fake sulking. “Fine, but be aware that i won't share my doritos with you.”

He does, though. Not even ten minutes into the movie.

 

Renjun _fucking_ hates the fact that they always pick horror. He thinks about how much he hates it every time and yet he still _fucking_ agrees to it anyways because he gets to be around Jeno for longer instead of being told to go to bed. But he just doesn't get the appeal of watching people die in the most disturbing _fucking_ ways. Why the _fuck_ are they so excited about a movie where a man slowly loses his limbs. Are they _fucking_ mad?

He tries his best, he swears he always does, to keep his chill. To not show how much it disgusted and scared him. But ultimately he can't force his body to not react, he can't force it to not start shaking on its own. He he wished he could, for he didn't exactly like the worried stares Jeno kept giving his way. It wasn't like he was a _baby_ … Just sometimes.

Jeno doesn't speak, but Renjun could see him move from the corner of his eyes and then next thing he knows there's a pillow on his lap covering both his legs and a bit of Jeno’s. The older leans the closest he could to Renjun’s ear and whispers faintly. “Squeeze it whenever you feel scared.”

And so he does, and somehow the little trick works for him. He stabs his nails in the cushion to release all his tension and then smiles at Jeno who smiles right back seeing his plan had worked. The movie continues, _sadly._

 

He doesn't quite know how it happens, really he doesn't. At some point he was stabbing his nails on the pillow and then the other a foreign hand is brushing against his from under it. He doesn't quite react to it at first, but then he feels scared again and just as he was about to squeeze the pillow, said hand intertwines with his.

Renjun snaps his head to the side to look at Jeno who doesn't move his head at all and keeps on watching the movie with a serene expression. As if, you know, he wasn't holding the younger’s hand and all that jazz. Just normal, casual stuff.

The younger furrows his eyebrows and gives the hand an experimental squeeze while staring at Jeno. The corner of the boy’s lips quirk up but he doesn't look still. Renjun decides to take a deep breath and go along with it, what could he do anyways?

He feels bad for stabbing his nails in the back of Jeno’s hand so often, but the older doesn't even flinch. He lets Renjun take out all his frustrations and fears all he wanted, and sometimes would even brush the back of Renjun’s hand with his thumb to soothe him. As weird as it all was in theory, Renjun had forgotten all about it and instead melted into the way Jeno’s stronger hands felt clasped with his own. They were harsher, but still soft, his fingers bony but not like his who were just bony because he was skinny; Jeno’s fingers were bony yet strong.

The movie ends. From underneath the pillow their hands were still intertwined but that wouldn't last for much longer, only until someone would decide to turn on the lights and then it'd be obvious Jeno’s hand was _not_ anywhere near its owners body. Actually, it looked pretty obscene, the way his hand disappeared in Renjun’s lap. The younger can't help but blush.

Jeno finally looks at Renjun, he smiles softly and squeezes their hands one last before letting go leaving Renjun’s hand cold hungry to be held again.

 

His mind screamed _Jeno Jeno Jeno_ like a never-ending prayer. Jeno this, Jeno that. Jeno held his hand and for what? _Jeno Jeno Jeno._

Except maybe if that was all that his brain made him think about, then maybe it would've been okay. At some point the calming thought of Jeno would lull him to sleep. That'd be great, it was just that whenever he started drifting back to sleep, the horrific images from the movie started flashing behind his eyelids.

Conclusion, he couldn't sleep.

So he wanders around the first floor for a while still hoping he'd get to sleep that night but soon gives up on it and heads downstairs. Heck, if he couldn't sleep he might as well watch television the whole night, that'd be much better than staring at the black walls.

His body seems to melt against the sofa's surface, his body was tired but his mind still racing. He tries to make it stop, eyes glued to the screen playing some random late night show to see if his brain would have something else to entertain itself with. It works, a few seconds later Renjun feels he's not even there, just floating mid reality and dream while his eyes traced the movements of the women speaking on the television.

  
His lids slowly become heavy and he doesn't try to fight them whenever they try to close, but they always seemed to flutter back open on their own leaving Renjun with his eyes opened, yet unfocused, looking ahead. But at least he's not thinking. At least he doesn't see demons staring back at him. At least he doesn't think of Jeno's arms wrapped around him. He thinks of nothing.

"You look dead." A voice fills the room, the television had been left on mute leaving Renjun to drown in silence until then. The boy's body jerks awake and then he stares at the source of the sound like a scared cat. "Ah, don't look so scared I'm not going to kill you."

Renjun chuckles lightly, and under his sleepy daze, doesn't question why Jeno would be awake at such ungodly hours like him. "You might, you can never know."

"You make some points." The older passes in front of him and then steals a quick glance at the screen. "What are you watching?" He asks as he sits just a few centimetres away from Renjun's feet.

"Honestly..." The boy blinks. "I don't really know."

Jeno chuckles and then looks at Renjun's legs for five long seconds, yes Renjun counted, before grabbing the boy's ankles and lifting both legs so he could scooch closer. He lets the legs rest on his lap, his hands still wrapped around the ankles comfortably. "So why are you here then if not to watch the show?"

 _Can't sleep because i keep thinking of you_ , _and monsters, and a mix of the two._ That's what he wishes he could say. "Horror movies, they scare me." It was partly true, a semi lie that made his conscious clearer.

"Ah yes, me too." Jeno nods and leans back so his back is touching the sofa. "We'll keep each other company."

And they do, in silence. Renjun's eyes might've been on the screen but all his senses could pick on was the way Jeno's fingers unlatched themselves from his ankles so his hands could roam freely across the expanse of his calf. Smoothly, calmly, in such a way that made Renjun start to drift away from that reality into another in his head. And so, as Jeno's fingers trail the skin, Renjun falls into deep sleep.

The older stares at him in his peaceful slumber and smiles but doesn't stop roaming his hands around his legs. He'd soon have to go back up, but for now the soothing sound of Renjun's quiet snores and the way his soft skin felt against his hands were too hypnotising to leave. Let the hours pass, he had till eight to vanish from there before anyone in the house rose. Four hours left.

  


After all the roller-coaster of emotions Renjun had gone through the past two days or so, he sort of felt relieved to find his brother and his friends were going out for the day on their own. Which meant Renjun would spend his day at home with his parents relaxing the best he could. Yes, because it was Friday and that meant Jeno would probably end up making out with someone at the club they were going to while he pathetically stayed home probably texting Chenle about how sad he felt.

He wanted to stay positive, though. It was good to be away from Jeno after all the overwhelming things that had happened lately. Renjun felt he had lost track of reality, maybe it'd make him ‘come back to Earth’. Whatever that meant, Chenle had been the one telling him that over and over whenever he'd let himself dream a little more than usual. He appreciated his friend being down to Earth but maybe he wanted to gush about how Jeno held his hand without having Chenle try to find a non romantic reason for him having done it.

So, not even halfway through the day, Renjun decides he simply would force himself to forget Jeno even was a breathing living thing. He had never existed, not until next morning where he'd be forced to see him, that'd be a whole new story.

He cooks, he cleans, he bakes, he plays. His mind stays busy until the sun disappears ahead in the horizon. Renjun had stayed outside playing cardboard games with his parents until they decided that it was time to go to bed, leaving him alone to entertain his brain enough so he wouldn't think of the older. He grabs his phone and scrolls through his social media for what seemed about an hour until the rustling of some bushes nearby snap him out of it.

Renjun feels a shiver run down his spine, if he was maybe ten years younger he would've shat his pants in fear. Heck, he was eighteen and almost shat himself anyways. He moves his chair the as quietly as he could manage so he would run back inside into safety but then he hears chatter from familiar voices.

“This is not the main entrance.” Yukhei grumbles while kicking some bushes and then giggles like it was the funniest thing ever.

It goes quiet again for a minute or so, then Sicheng shows up ahead in Jaehyun’s careful embrace, looking drunk enough to be reprimanded by his parents for being careless. “Heyyyyyyy!” He greets and then plops onto a chair nearby his younger brother. “How is you doing?”

“Amazing, can't say same for you.” Renjun flicks his forehead and snorts when his brother whines like a baby.

The chairs become all occupied, with Jeno sitting parallel to him looking just slightly tipsy but he hadn't opened his mouth to speak yet so Renjun wasn't sure. All he knew was that Sicheng was the worst out of all of them, he sure loved some teasing material for the next year.

Renjun was so amused watching his brother make a total fool out of himself that he doesn't notice Jeno’s gaze on him, but the older seemed to become desperate for some sort of attention and stretches his leg so to put his foot on top of Renjun’s thigh. The younger gasps and looks in front of him with big round eyes, but Jeno just curls the corners of his mouth nothing else.

The conversations all around him start to fade away, his concentration was solemnly focused on Jeno’s foot on his thigh that would move up and down as if he was caressing Renjun… with his _foot_. When the younger doesn't look at him for minutes in a row, Jeno starts moving upwards, at some point Renjun has to put his hand underneath the table and grab the boy’s foot to prevent him from moving further. Jeno giggles at the way Renjun looks at him with a glare but flushed cheeks, after all he was getting the attention he wanted.

“Jeno was so boringgg today, though. I mean, more than usual.” Yukhei squeezes Jeno’s nape so hard his friend hisses in pain and slaps his hand away.

“Yeah you seemed out of it.” Jaehyun adds while forcing Sicheng to drink a glass of water.

Jeno curls his foot on Renjun’s thigh and then runs his hand through his hair. “Didn't feel like partying, sorry.” He shrugs while looking straight into Renjun’s eyes.

The younger’s breath hitches, not only because Jeno’s gaze was awfully intimidating but because of the overflowing amount of wishful thoughts running through his head. He could hear Chenle screaming at him to not assume things, but it just became increasingly hard when Jeno would act _like that._

Plus, his damned foot was still in his damned thigh. _What the fuck._

“At least he didn't drink like a little baby, right Sicheng?” Yuta teases with a smirk and his friend flips him off. “Oww.”

“He was celebrating us being okay again, let him live.” Yukhei cracks one of his eyes open, the boy had tried to sleep with his head laying on the palm of his hand. “We all missed being together as five, dickhead.”

Yuta pats the top of Yukhei’s head and smiles softly. “I missed it too, sorry again.” He coos and the other closes his eye again, seemingly satisfied with the way Yuta had used his baby voice on him.

“We should head to bed.” Jaehyun says when Sicheng finishes drinking the cup of water. “We look half dead.”

Renjun almost squeaks when Jeno foot presses down on his thigh to grab his attention, but somehow manages to cover it with a cough. He glares at Jeno again, if he could he would slap the shit out of him for being so annoying he would — though, secretly, needy Jeno was awfully adorable. The older grins and then takes his foot out of Renjun’s lap just as everyone starts getting up, he trails behind with Renjun with his shoes in his hands but doesn't speak till they're in the first floor and the younger says his goodbyes to everyone.

“Sleep well, I'll see you tomorrow.” Jeno says quietly while the others seem to be struggling to keep Sicheng on his feet. Somehow, those words resonate inside of Renjun.

“Goodnight, glad you didn't get awfully drunk like my brother.” He snorts and opens his room’s door.

“Don't wanna wake up with a headache, so.” He shrugs. “Night.”

Renjun returns the quick smile Jeno had shot him before turning his back on him and closes the door. Once he finds himself alone inside, Renjun lets out a breath he didn't notice he was holding and rubs his face harshly. “What the fuck.” He whispers to himself. “What the fuck was that?”

  


Quiet. Something he had forgotten how much he loved.

Everyone was gone, Sicheng and his friends because they were once again enjoying their freedom without being told to babysit the youngest. Their parents had gone out too, they asked Renjun if he wanted to join them but he thought maybe a date for two would be good for them anyways. So he stays home, alone. He wasn't complaining.

Renjun was laying on their inflatable bed that they had used to actually sleep when they first moved in and had no mattresses. Now it was used in the pool for them to play around with or to tan. Half of his body was inside the pool’s refreshing water while the rest clung onto the small air mattress. It was a warm day, if he didn't have part of his body inside the water he would physically melt.

In the peaceful harmony of leaves moving and birds chirping, Renjun loses himself in his thoughts. The past days had been ectic, no time to think anything through, and maybe that was best for an overthinker like him. But he wanted order in his life and at that moment his brain was chaos, there were too many questions swimming inside his head. Many he wouldn't even get answers ever to anyways.

He flaps his little legs and then releases a long sigh. Jeno was confusing, and as much as he wanted to stay away from a having false hope, there was just too many things that didn't click anymore. He wasn't the type to assume, he wasn't even the type to think anyone could be interested in him. So the moment his brain thought of the possibility of his feelings being mutual, it seemed to shut down right away.

The fear of rejection just hurt too much to think about, it felt better to stay in the safe line where he wasn't too emotionally invested and yet allowed himself to have feelings for Jeno. It had stayed that way for years, Renjun didn't quite feel strong enough to throw himself out there prone to get heartbroken for real.

Midway through his inner ramble, a clinking sound ruined the soft melody created by the nature. He didn't give it much thought, just cursed whichever sheep farmer it was that had ruined his thinking session like that.

But the sound kept on persistently ruining his peaceful daze, and so he decides to at least check what it all was about. He leaves the pool with a sigh, but not before covering his body with the cool water, and then tries following the sound. Renjun quirks his eyebrow when it becomes terribly close, almost as if it was inside his house, which was… let's just say… _pretty damn odd_. Last time he checked they did not have sheeps and much less a sheep farmer in their house.

He peaks in the back garden where the sound seemingly was coming from and then stops when he finds someone dangling in their hammock, leg thrown out in a relaxed manner. “What the fuck?!” He fumes and comes closer only to let out a loud gasp when he finds Jeno to be the stranger, with a way too familiar tiny pink bell on his left hand.

The clinking sound stops and then Jeno smiles brightly when he notices the other’s presence. They stare at each other in silence, Renjun couldn't seem capable of forming a coherent phrase to express his confusion and Jeno refused to speak before he did.

“Why you here?” Renjun finally asks.

“Told them i felt dizzy.”

“Oh, you feeling okay now?”

Jeno chuckles. “Was never actually dizzy to begin with.”

“I don't understand.”

The older sighs, a hint of frustration but still amusement in his tone, and starts shaking the bell once again so it'd make the annoying sound. “I'm ringing the bell, what are you doing just standing there?”

Renjun’s eyebrows knit together and then his mouth turns into a perfect O shape when it hits him. “Is that…” He breathes out while cleaning off the nervous sweat forming in the palms of his hands on his swimming trunks.

Jeno nods with a quirked eyebrow and then smiles once again when Renjun finally starts to move, slow and hesitant but it was something.

“You want me to kiss you?!” The younger squeaks when he gets close enough to manage to read the writing on the bell, he already knew what the pink one meant but he had to see it with his own two eyes.

“Would i ring the bell if i didn't?” Jeno extends his right arm so he could grab the boy’s wrist and pulls him closer. “Think the bell might be broken, though. I still didn't get a kiss.”

Renjun giggles and hides his face with the palms of his hands with embarrassment but Jeno wasn't having any of that. He lets the bell fall somewhere in the grass and sits right in front of Renjun so he could snake both his arms around the boy’s torso and pull their bodies together, chest to chest.

Renjun squeaks with the sudden attack but then squeaks louder when Jeno forcefully takes his hands away from his face with his stronger ones. “Maybe it really is broken, i should buy a new one.”

“Don't waste your money.” Renjun mumbles and quickly glances at the older’s lips, subconsciously licking his at the sight.

“Okay then i won't.” Jeno pulls the boy on top of him so they both lay on the hammock and barks a laugh when Renjun lets out a loud shriek. He kisses his forehead to shut him up and then rubs their noses together in what his mother used to call the Eskimo kiss.

Renjun looks at him cross-eyed due to their closeness and then moves forward just a bit enough for their lips to touch. With that, Jeno seems to lose his restraints, he lunges forward so to press their lips harder together and then puts both hands on the sides of Renjun’s face before deepening the kiss.

And, _okay,_ Renjun had only kissed one or two people in his entire life. But compared to how smoothly Jeno moved his lips against his, his previous kisses seemed almost laughably bad. He felt he might puke, but in a good way if that was even a thing, from how overwhelming good everything felt. _Jeno Jeno Jeno,_ every fibre in his body screamed for Jeno like a prayer. Finally he allowed himself to enjoy being wrapped around the idea of the older, and this time it wasn't fictional. Jeno was really there, body pressing against his, hands on his face carefully caressing his cheeks, lips moving deliciously in sync with his.

_Jeno Jeno Jeno._

 

Renjun stares up at the dotted sky with a smile, his heart felt at peace now. But there was also a nervousness growing in his stomach as he waited for Jeno to show up.

It was still so hard to believe everything that happened those last few days were real, that they had actually happened. And he wondered how much more he would've enjoyed them if he hadn't spent the whole time worrying about if he was letting himself go too bad. But he supposed from then on they could create more and even better memories in which Renjun could truly appreciate things.

“Hey.” Jeno’s soft, yet deep voice breaks the silence. He kisses the top of Renjun’s head and then looks at the pool ahead. “You turned on the lights.”

Renjun hums and gets up. “Well, yeah. Otherwise we wouldn't see anything.” He leans on his right leg and then his left, swinging back and forth to not feel as awkward. Being like that with Jeno was still foreign, or maybe it was just knowing he wasn't the only one pining that changed too many things. But it wasn't bad, just different.

“Let's go then!” Jeno exclaims excitedly while taking his shirt off, and this time Renjun feels he can stare as much as you want without feeling weird about it. “Do i have to take your shirt for you-”

“N-no.” Renjun stumbles on his words and quickly gets rid of his shirt in a blink of an eye. “Come.”

Their hands meet, it feels amazing to intertwine their fingers so mindlessly. Jeno was his _boyfriend_ he could kiss him whenever he wanted, he could stare without a single care, he could hold his hand if he felt like it, just the thought of it made him giggle to himself.

He hisses when his foot touches the lukewarm water and Jeno cackles next to him. “Do i need to force you in again?” He teases while back hugging the shorter. “Bridal style? Or should i throw you in my shoulder like a sack of potatoes”

Renjun huffs. “Don't you dare.” He closes his eyes and walks inside the pool before he could back out and then turns to face Jeno while still in his embrace. “Y’know what I'm curious about?” Jeno shakes his head. “This.”

Using his index finger, the younger traces some of the lines and patterns of Jeno’s tattoo. “Ah this.” The other moves towards the border of the pool and grabs the bottom of Renjun’s thighs when the boy wraps his legs around his torso. “I started on it last year about this time, it started with a simple taurus constellation because I’m a taurus and i find the shape pretty, then i made these three cat ones.”

Renjun analyses the pretty drawings of the cats with different colours and patterns. “Why three?”

“I got three cats!”

“Aren't you allergic… I remember you pet a stray one few years back and didn't stop sneezing for the whole day.”

Jeno shrugs. “Yeah well, cats are just too cute aren't they.” He pokes the tip of Renjun’s nose and then goes back to explaining the designs. “Here this means family, this one means friendship. Actually, these two mean friendship.” He points at the two arrows forming a cross and a symbol that looked like a knot.

Renjun traces the inked skin as Jeno speaks in silence, it was a mix of so many things and yet Jeno had managed to make it all go in harmony together so it didn't look like a mess. He was in love with it all, he could stare at the tattoos for hours.

“These are just flowers really, i thought they looked pretty and matched well with the rest. No deep shit here.” He chuckles. “I made them paint it dark blue, it's my favourite colour. That's why i loved your conch so much.”

Renjun smiles softly remembering that memory that seemed so far away but in reality had only happened a few days previously. He traces the flowery pattern that extended till Jeno’s collarbones and then ducks his head down to place a kiss on top of one of the flowers. “I'm so happy.” He sighs and then rests his head on the older’s shoulder, lips brushing against Jeno’s neck. “So what now?”

“What do you mean?”

“We telling brother? Will we keep in touch? I don't know how to do this-” Renjun’s rambling gets cut off by Jeno’s hand on his mouth.

“You never dated.” The older states, but it sounds more like a question. “That's fucking nuts, with that face?”

Renjun pokes his tongue out so Jeno would take his hand away and then hides his face on his neck. “Uh… I felt guilty if i were to date anyone else because whenever you came over I'd forget any other crush i had.” He admits.

“Oh my god.”

“It's stupid i know, don't mock me!”

Jeno forces Renjun to look at him and then places a curt kiss on his lips. “No that's like the most flattering thing I've ever heard, though I'm sad you didn't experiment much. Maybe i was a slut during high school, uh, as long as not having had much experience doesn't bother you.”

Renjun shakes his head. “I don't care, my friend often would hook me with his friends out of pity but i didn't care.” He snorts. “But bare with me i really don't know how any of this works.”

Jeno looks even more handsome under the aqua blue light, his smile shines brighter and makes Renjun’s stomach twist painfully hard.“Well, first, I'll need your number. The rest comes naturally.” Jeno pushes Renjun’s fringe back and twirls a strand with his index.

“Will you text me?” The younger asks in a tiny, hesitant voice, and maybe if he didn't sound so dubious Jeno would've laughed at how stupid the question was.

But he doesn't, instead Jeno kisses his boyfriend’s forehead and gives him a kind smile. “Everyday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspo for jenos tattoo: [1](https://www.instagram.com/p/BmOCcjXBaC8/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=ozk89732enbt) [2](https://www.instagram.com/p/BfIm_jahpEU/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=1murjtarjarvw) [3](https://www.instagram.com/p/BjcKl3EhgKf/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=1cw8qunrkkrxr) [4](https://www.instagram.com/p/Bde7Qgzhrb8/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=vse25hza9nav) [5](https://www.instagram.com/p/BWJ6A57BN9d/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=r5nfzpazs6o8) [6](https://www.instagram.com/p/BMCABeCgUFW/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=l2i2rur49kxv)
> 
>  
> 
> this fic is p much done tbh, next chap will be a simple conclusion showing their relationship but that's about it SOOO hope you liked it, thanku for reading <333
> 
>  
> 
>  [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/aquadons)


	4. autumn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhh well i kinda don't like this chapter, it's very underwhelming i think? but i hope you guys like it anyways,, just wanted to give these two some closure ehe
> 
> sorry for any typos or awkward phrases like usual!!

**R** enjun grunts and tries to reach out for Jeno but fails miserably. “Pass me the salt real quick.” He asks and squeezes the air impatiently, but gets nothing in return. “Jeno!” Finally he decides to turn his head to face his boyfriend who was staring right at his face with unfocused eyes and a gentle, faint smile on his lips. “Wake up, i’m doing this for you!”

Reluctantly, Jeno seems to snap out of his daze. “Yes, and i’m grateful.” He groggily says and then pulls Renjun closer even if the other looked as if he was about to snap on him.

“Sure doesn’t look like it.” He grumbles and grabs the salt sitting nearby Jeno. “You can’t cook for shit but you won’t listen to me when i’m trying to teach you, i’m not your maid, i’m not cooking right now out of a whim. I want you to learn!”

“I am grateful!” Jeno frowns while forcing Renjun to face him. “But i’m also grateful to the gods for giving you that breathtaking face.”

“Shut up.”

Renjun tries to release himself out of Jeno’s embrace, totally aware that he would not manage. It had been months since they started dating, long enough for him to figure that if Jeno didn’t want him to move, then Renjun wouldn’t move. Sometimes it was annoying especially when he was actually angry, but that wasn’t the case then even if _yes_ it pissed him off that he had been cooking that whole time for nothing. Still, Jeno was being so cheesy he couldn’t help but melt.

“Come on.” The older whines and wraps his legs around Renjun’s pulling him even closer till the other’s knees were pressed against the chair. “Let me kiss you to say sorry.”

Renjun scoffs. “Hell no, also you’re the one that is going to finish the meal. Either that or you pay for me to finish.”

“Do kisses count as payment?”

“What do i look like to you?” Jeno doesn’t answer right away, instead a malicious smile forms in his face making Renjun rolls his eyes dramatically. “I can’t stand you.”

“Lies.”

“Truths.”

The older grabs Renjun’s face with his right hand, and with his thumb he smears the bit of saliva on the boy’s lips. The room falls quiet, awfully so, and Jeno doesn't really need to speak for his lustful eyes do the job for him. Renjun straightens his body and lets a puff of air out, he refused to just give in to his boyfriend’s wishes like that even if he too just wanted to bend down and smack their lips together.

He stabs his nails in Jeno’s strong hand making him hiss but still, the hand doesn't budge. Renjun tries to move, but Jeno’s muscly legs prevent him from escaping. And well, he had been in that position before but he still tried to escape every time as if he didn't know he'd fail. “Stop.” Jeno husky voice breaks the silence.

Renjun does stop for a few seconds before going back to squirming in his embrace. “No. You can't just kiss me better, plus the food is going to overcook.” He mumbles and then gasps when he feels a hand on top of his mouth and the other on his nape.

“Do you actually wanna get away, Injun?” The corners of his mouth curl, and just to go against him Renjun wants to nod. But he doesn't, instead the boy stays stone cold staring at the spot behind Jeno to avoid his gaze. That is enough of an answer to the other who suddenly gets up and picks Renjun up making the younger squeak loudly.

“What are you doing?” He manages to get out before Jeno presses his back against the cold kitchen wall and slams their lips, so harshly Renjun felt they might bruise.

If he was to say he hated it, he'd be a liar. First time he had fought back, Jeno had actually stopped and said sorry but _really_ Renjun just enjoyed riling Jeno up to the point where the older would almost fume with annoyance. Though, he knew Jeno liked it too. As the months passed together the more they seemed to realize tiny parts of who they were just fit like a puzzle, things they could’ve never even guessed before. Renjun liked to think it was destiny how they fit so well with each others quirks, the thought alone makes him smile against Jeno’s lips.

Just as Jeno had moved lower as started nibbling on the younger’s jaw, the front door opens. Renjun holds onto Jeno for dear life — scared the other would forget he was still latched around his torso — and chuckles when his boyfriend lets out a disgruntled noise. “Please tell me you were not going to fuck in the kitchen out of all places, like for the love of god.” Doyoung’s annoyed voice sounds from the hallway.

“We weren't going to…” Jeno sighs loudly and lets Renjun down.

His roommate decides to let it go after giving them both a disappointed look and walks inside the kitchen as well. “Smells like food.”

Renjun nods excitedly. “I was teaching this old fool how to cook, not that he paid any attention though.” He glares at his boyfriend.

“Shocker. I tried too, y'know? He's destined to failure.” Doyoung snorts when Jeno looks at him with an offended expression. “You brought this on yourself.”

“Whatever.” The other clicks his tongue and then places his hand on top of Doyoung’s shoulder. “By the way can i borrow your car to drive Injun home after we finish cooking?”

“We?” The oldest stares at Renjun with a dumbfounded look. “You hear that shit?”

Renjun lets out a loud laugh as he stirs the pot after _finally_ having added the salt he needed. “He thinks so highly of himself. I have been scammed.” He says feigning sadness. “Sadly i didn't get a refund, guess i'm stuck.”

Jeno wraps his arms around his boyfriend's torso and rests his chin on the top of his head. “You love me.” It sounded more like a question than anything, Jeno was like a puppy asking for validation and Renjun has a weak heart deep down.

The younger pats Jeno’s hands that were clasped on top of his stomach and throws his head back, lips slightly puckered as if asking for a peck. “Yes i do.” He breathes out just as Jeno grants his wish and quickly kisses him. “Now help me cook, you lazy fool.”

 

They don't see it, but Doyoung gags behind them before placing his car keys on the counter and sprinting to his room to hide from the _diabetic_ couple.  


 

“We’re here.” Jeno says as he stops the car just in front of Renjun’s dorm apartment. He turns his head to look at the boy and then smiles faintly before placing his hand on top of Renjun’s slim thigh — so slim even Jeno’s hand could cover its entire diameter.

“We’re here.” Renjun repeats quietly as he plays with his boyfriend’s knuckles. He didn't want to leave that car for dear life, instead he found other things to entertain himself with so he wouldn't go just yet. “Uhm… Jeno…” The boy mumbles and locks eyes with the other. “How... how should we tell my brother?”

Jeno hums. “He’ll have his annual Halloween party, no?” Renjun nods with a puzzled look. “Then let's show up together, with a couple costume even!”

The way his eyes sparkled with excitement was, simply put, _adorable._ Renjun can't really help but lean forward and peck the boy’s lips. “Okay, sounds good. Which costume?” He rubs their noses together before backing away with a big grin plastered on his face.

Jeno let's go of Renjun thigh and moves closer until his knee was touching the other’s seat. “Leave that to me.” Is all he says before connecting their lips again and pressing Renjun against the car door. This time the boy doesn't even fight back. He lets his body melt and give in the to the sudden touches because he wasn't sure when would be next time they'd be free to see each other. Might as well make most of it.

His already sore lips don't stop moving for god knows long, and by the time Jeno pulls away his wrists are pinned by each side of his head tightly secured by Jeno’s strong hands. Renjun swears he doesn't remember how that happened, not that he was complaining.

“It's getting late.” The older breathes out but Renjun doesn't quite process it. Not when his shiny swollen lips looked so hypnotic, not when the moon’s light highlighted the features of Jeno’s face in such a way that the boy looked almost like a painting. He didn't want to go, he just wanted to stare at Jeno until his lids felt heavy. 

“One day, can i sleep over?” He asks before he processes what the words event meant, and then flushes red. “I hate having to break away every time…”

The other nuzzles his head in Renjun’s neck and places a quick wet kiss at the spot right below his jaw. “Next time I'll convince Doyoung to let you sleep over then.” He sits back straight but not before pecking the soft skin once again. “Now, really, before Donghyuck calls the cops saying you've gone missing…”

Renjun sighs and squeezes Jeno’s cheeks with the palms of his hand, kissing the forcibly puckered lips before opening the car door and stepping out into the chilly night air. He hisses right away. “Sleep well.”

Jeno ducks his head out and smiles so brightly that his eyes disappeared into crescents. “Sleep well baby, text me when you get home.”

The younger’s eyes widen at the new pet name for a few seconds before he gets used to the sound of it. _Baby_ , somehow he liked that. “Jeno it's literally a five minute walk.” He snorts, but his boyfriend's worry still made a cozy warmness spreads across his chest.

“I said what i said.” Jeno raises his eyebrow. “Understood? So you better text me.”

Renjun rolls his eyes. “Whatever.” He teases and turns his back to the car heading in the direction of the tall apartment block.

“Renjun!” He hears Jeno’s exasperated voice behind him. “Injun I'm not kidding!”

“Night night, _baby._ ” Renjun shouts while waving his hand up in the hair, still refusing to face the car as he walked into the darkness.

He smirks to himself when he hears Jeno loudly grunt in the distance, second best thing to kissing his boyfriend was surely annoying him.

  
  


 

“One of these days i will make you pay for making me wear this.” Renjun complains while checking himself in the rearview mirror after they both get out just in front of his old house. The red hair wasn’t too bad, nor the clothes per say. But the fact that he was dressed as _Phineas_ hurt his soul.

To be honest, Jeno was the one looking idiotic with those high waisted purple pants. Compared to him he could pass as a normal dude that just dressed plainly, so he supposed he wasn’t all too bad. Though, that was what Jeno deserved for having come up with the idea of dressing like that. His definition of a couple costume was certainly not the same as Renjun.

“Please i'm a genius.” Jeno pats Renjun’s butt and heads towards the white gate. “Come on.”

Renjun pouts, his whole body seems to recoil the closer they got to the main entrance. “I'm going to vomit oh my god.” He mumbles while rubbing his cheek on Jeno’s shoulder. “It's like my coming out all over again.”

“How'd that go for you?” The older asks gently as he caresses the top of Renjun’s head like he'd often do to calm him down.

“Sicheng asked why did i even bother making an announcement when they all knew anyways… I almost shat myself before i dropped the bomb and he went ahead and said that.”

Jeno snorts. “Sicheng is smart.”

“Runs in the family.” Renjun jokes cockily and then looks up at the other with a genuine smile.

“Sure does.” Is all Jeno says before opening the door and grabbing Renjun’s soft hand so he could intertwine their fingers. 

The room is roaring with different sounds when they step in together and put their shoes by the side, the loud bass resonated within their bodies head to toe making it feel as if they were experiencing an earthquake, then there was the loud shatter and laughter coming from the guests adding onto that. 

Renjun looks over to the older with an unsure expression to which Jeno replies with a hand squeeze and crescent shaped eyes. _Well_ , worst that could happen would him getting bullied by Sicheng for eternity, so he supposed it wouldn’t go _too_ bad. “Let’s go.” He tugs at Jeno’s arm and walks inside the familiar house. 

Eyes, how many of them he couldn’t even figure out, they stared at him with a range of emotions. From both neutral and unfazed to pure shock, he feels like an animal inside a cage at the zoo unable to run away from being stared at. He takes a step back and instinctively hides behind Jeno.

“Uh.” Sicheng raises his eyebrow and then squints his eyes. “Is that a Phineas and Ferb costume?” The couple look at each other and then Jeno nods.

“Wait aren't they brothers in the show?” Yukhei’s voice sounds in the distance and then a few chuckles from the guests follow.

Renjun grimaces at the realization and so does his brother who facepalms with a loud sing. “Jesus Christ, you’re asking to be disowned. Both of you.”

The younger blinks back at him and slowly steps next to his boyfriend. “It was his idea, really, blame mastermind over here.” Renjun looks down at their hands and raises them slightly to point out they were dating without actually saying it out loud.

His brother spares a quick glance at the intertwined fingers and then shoots them both a nonchalant look. “Am i supposed to pretend to be shocked or something?” He turns to Jaehyun and chuckles. “Wait is this when i fake gasp? I suppose so.” Sicheng shrugs and then widens his eyes as he lets out the fakest gasp Renjun had ever heard in his life.

“What?” The youngest furrows his eyebrows and looks at Jeno from the corner of his eyes, the boy was grinning brightly opposed to him who looked like he had never expected any of that to happen. “You told him?”

“Me? No, i promise.” He let’s go of Renjun’s hand to put both of his hands up in the air in surrender. “He’s just smart, i suppose i expected this outcome.”

Sicheng walks closer to his younger brother and bends his knees slightly so he could look straight into his eyes. “I’m more observant than i look.” He smirks and pats the top of Renjun’s head mockingly. “Now loosen up and enjoy your first party.”

 

 

The atmosphere was foreign to him, but not bad per say. Mostly because Jeno barely left his side the whole time, now that they could show that they were dating the boy didn't seem to hold himself back from being all over Renjun. He didn't mind it, not one bit.

“Wait i have to go to the toilet, be right back.” Jeno whispers, way too close to Renjun’s ear like usual and disappears in the crowd. Not before giving the younger’s butt a light slap — again, like usual. It was one of those things he had gotten used to Jeno doing that didn't quite fase him anymore, just maybe flush red slightly.

Renjun finds himself alone for the first time since the moment he had stepped inside his own house. He looks around and awkwardly heads towards the drinking area to grab another cup of whatever drink he could find. “Hey.” Someone says, loud enough to be heard above the music. When Renjun looks up and sees Yukhei’s familiar face, a smile spreads across his lips.

“Hey!” He tilts his head cutely, probably doesn’t even notice he had done so. Renjun had never quite admitted to anyone, but if Jeno had never been one of Sicheng’s friends then he’d for sure have crushed on Yukhei instead. His energy always made the younger seem to charge up, he oozed off brightness and that in itself made Renjun perk up everytime. “How are you?”

Yukhei picks up one of the sweets and smiles. “Well, i’ve found a job that work with my university. So that’s awesome.” He shoves the food inside his mouth and leans down. “How about you, how’s it going with mister Lee? Oh! And university!”

Renjun bites down on his cup to suppress a smile at the mention of Jeno and shrugs. “University is sort of stressful, but i’ve found a good roommate. He’s really annoying sometimes but at least he’s cheerful. As for Jeno…”

“What about me?” The older snakes his arm around Renjun’s waist so to glue their hips together and then shoots Yukhei a hard stare.

“Was just asking how things were going.” His friend smiles and Renjun could swear there was a hint of playfulness to it as if Yukhei knew what riled Jeno up. _Kids._ “And then i asked about you, of course. You didn’t tell us anything about you two i’m curious!”

Jeno lets out a breathy laugh. “He thought Sicheng was going to murder him so i couldn’t tell y’all shit.” Renjun smacks his ribs with his elbow and glares, _hard._ “What? Did i lie?”

“No.” The youngest rolls his eyes. “But my brother has been treating me like i’m a child for the longest time, who can blame me for being scared of his reaction?” Renjun frowns childishly.

Yukhei barks out a loud laugh and pokes the tip of the boy’s nose. “I can see why he'd treat you as such.” He says softly but that only makes Renjun fume even more. “I'll go now, Jeno’s burning holes in my head as we speak. I might not make it home alive if i stay here.” Yukhei smirks at Jeno who scoffs as if he hadn't just possessively pulled Renjun even closer to him a few seconds ago. “Have fun love birds.”

It's only as he walks away that Renjun gets a good look at the boy’s costume, he can't even help but laugh out loud when he sees the cat tail glued to his leggings drag across the floor. Renjun didn't even know how he had missed the fluffy kitty ears adorning the top of Yukhei’s head, they were so eye-catching.

“Only him to pull that off…” Jeno goes wide eyed at the view. “That tank top about to rip from how tight it is.”

Renjun looks up at Jeno and chuckles. “Pretty sure that's the whole point.”

His boyfriend scowls. “Yeah, _i know._ ”

 

He could get used to this. Having Jeno’s body pressed so close to his without a single care, without having to worry if there was somebody watching them, without having voices telling him to be careful in the back of his head. As Sicheng often told him, and Chenle as well, he had the tendency to blow things out of proportion and worry way too hard over things that really don't matter. Jeno had gotten used to calming him down whenever his brain started rambling endlessly about the possibilities of being caught together, now it was no longer need.

Renjun allows himself to relax in his embrace as they kiss in the corner of the living room nearby the candy stand, it felt _good,_ his brain was finally quiet. He mewls into Jeno’s mouth that tasted of whiskey with a sweet trace of the Halloween candy. Renjun licks into his mouth and then pulls back, his head feels dizzy and he swears he can feel his heartbeat in his forehead. “What… is that sweet thing?”

Jeno blinks back at him and then turns around for a few seconds to grab a piece of candy. Renjun’s face lights up and he tries snatching it away from Jeno like a child but the older puts it in between his lips instead and then smirks smugly. “Come get it.”

“What the fuck.” Renjun sighs loudly. “Why are you like this?” He asks in an exasperated tone before getting up on the tip of his toes so he could reach his boyfriend’s mouth.

Before he could steal the candy and back away, Jeno puts the palm of his hand flat on his back to push their bodies against each other again and deepens the kiss. Renjun squeaks but ends up smiling against the older’s lips after the initial shock, butterflies seem to flood his whole body as if it was their first kiss — probably due to the embarrassingly big amount of alcohol running in his veins.

“Lord have mercy on my eyes go do that somewhere else.” Sicheng shouts from somewhere in the room but not even that makes Renjun want to break away, instead he puts his arm up in the air and flips his brother off just as he sucks on Jeno’s bottom lip harshly. “Disgusting, oh my god.”

Jeno giggles quietly and moves his head back to break the kiss. “More candy?” He asks with smirk and Renjun nods.

They go on and on, soon the candy had almost completely vanished. But _shhh_ that had nothing to do with them, _of course_.

 

Renjun regrets many things. That night he regrets drinking without having eaten properly and then shoving too much candy down his throat. Heck, _actually_ , he couldn't quite bring himself to hate that last part (even it is was a big factor for him being bent in half in front of his toilet regurgitating everything inside of his stomach). _Worth it?_

“Is it all done?” Jeno asks softly while caressing the hairs on the boy's nape to soothe him. Renjun nods weakly and spits one last time before sitting on the floor with his head pressed against the white wall. “Let's get you to bed then.”

No matter how many times Jeno picks him up like a rag-doll, Renjun could never get used to it. He lets out a loud gasp just as his boyfriend wraps one of his arms around his torso and the other around his legs and carries him across the hall towards Renjun’s room bridal style. 

Turning on the lights was hard, but Jeno somehow manages to do it anyways using his elbow. Then gently lays Renjun in his old bed before sitting next to him. “Will you sleep with these clothes?”

Renjun grumbles and latches his arms around Jeno’s torso. “It's whatever… Lay with me.” He whines while rubbing his face on his boyfriend's back.

Jeno chuckles and takes both of their shoes off. “Do you have some loose sweatpants I can use use?” He asks while rummaging through the younger’s closest.

“No, they'll be too small on you.” Renjun sighs dramatically. “Just come without pants who cares?”

“Uh…” Jeno blinks back at the other and then slowly moves back to the bed. “Okay.” He whispers as he gets inside the bed and helps Renjun cover himself better. “Goodnight.”

The boy snuggles closer, puts his head on top of Jeno’s extended arm and throws his leg on top of his stomach. Apart from the muffled sound of chatter and the music still playing, Renjun could only hear their calming breathing inside of the pitch black room. A smile spreads across his lips at how comfortable it all felt, and after all those years of imagining how dating Jeno and laying like that with him would feel like, nothing could compare to how it all _actually_ felt.

Jeno’s scenting was so calming, even with the mix of alcohol and cigarettes, the minty and citrus mix came out stronger than anything else and it was making Renjun feel dizzy; but in a good way. He feels himself drift away into another dimension with his mind filled with Jeno, _Jeno Jeno Jeno._ “I love you.”

Both boys stop breathing, Renjun because he couldn’t believe he had let that slip just like that and against his well, and Jeno well… “You do?!” He asks way too surprised for Renjun’s liking.

“Yeah…” He whispers suddenly shy and then chuckles. “What did you expect?”

“I don’t really know either.” Jeno lets out a breathy laugh as he pushes back Renjun’s fringe so he can place a kiss right in the middle of his forehead. “I love you too.”

The younger grins, and even with the small amount of light coming from outside of the door, Jeno still manages to catch a glimpse of it in its full glory. He grins back and pulls Renjun even closer so that he can press his lips against the top of the other’s head and then lets his head rest like that, until sleep takes over them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man this was the shittiest ending EVER im so sorry but i really don't feel im capable of any better GJFJGKDF sorry sorry 
> 
> <3333 thank you for all the kudos and comments im always grateful for those ^^ adios!


	5. you, me and all our firsts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Years could go by, things could shift and break, change in unimaginable ways. Yet Renjun is sure what they have is forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello Gays (and Hets) yes i am back w this one by popular demand (jk like 4 ppl wanted this but moving on), this took me like... 3 to 4 weeks to write NONSTOP and lemme just say i am pumped to put this out there even tho its literally 27k (YEP..) of fucking FLUFF like who has the time... i do apparently....
> 
> anyways i hope someone enjoys reading this MONSTER sequel of noren being in love or something :D 
> 
> ps: plspspls ignore any typos this is so long i had a headache proofreading it all like bye

_1:26 pm Saturday, 8 of December 2018_

 

“Gently…” Jeno explains calmly to a very much annoyed Renjun whose face had already turned slightly pink from how much frustration the whole ordeal was causing him. “You have to be careful or you'll go flying out of the window.”

The younger grumbles but nods nevertheless. It was time to try once again, he curls his fingers around the steering wheel and breathes in sharply before pressing down on the pedal. They both jerk forward but, instead of looking annoyed, Jeno lets out a cackle.

“I can't do it.” Renjun punches the steering wheel and screams when the horn rings loudly in his ears. “I want to cry.”

“Injun” Jeno forces his boyfriend to look straight into his eyes by tugging at his chin. “It's really not hard you're just being harsh on yourself. Now, press _gently._ ”

Renjun nods while pouting cutely. He gets ready to push down on the pedal once more, but before he does so, he looks over at Jeno for reassurance. The other shoots him two thumbs up and a cat like smile which instantly make the younger's heart calm down slightly. That time around he does manage to make the start up smoother — at least it didn't involve them almost flying right out of the window, so that was something. He begins driving around the empty parking lot very slowly, careful to not damage Jeno's car in any way or form.

“You're doing amazing!” He coos with a big grin plastered on his face. “See? I knew you could do i-”

They jerk forward again just as a loud thud sounds from the back of the car. Renjun sits very still staring ahead at the road with wide eyes, meanwhile Jeno opens and closes his mouth a few times before coughing loudly and letting one long sigh out. The younger flinches at that, he knew he had fucked up, just how badly though, it was impossible to tell right away. He felt awful, the car was a new present given to Jeno by his parents, it wasn’t even two months old and he had already managed to damage it.

“Jeno i’m _so_ sorry.” Renjun cries out, eyes already sparkly with newly formed tears. “Fuck i’m really sorry i told you i couldn't do it, you should've heard me. I fucked up.”

His boyfriend grabs both his hands and squeezes them while smiling gently. “Look, it's not the end of the world. The car is still working.”

“But it probably is all ruined! It sounded pretty strong.” He looks back and sees what he had hit. A tree. A stupid barely ten centimeter diameter thick tree. “Jesus. That _has_ to create some sort of damage-”

“Injun.” Jeno calls out, voice lower than usual, more authoritarian, the usually puppy looking boy stared at him with a very serious expression that sent chills down his spine. “It's fine, really, it's fine. I don't mind and i know the more you practice the better you'll get. You're a fairly quick learner so just keep trying.”

Renjun sighs. Jeno was too nice for his own good, he still wasn't used to someone being as kind as the boy was. Everytime he fucked up, he expected to be reprimanded. But each time no such thing came. Instead Jeno would prefer to approach the problem calmly, and to someone as snappy and hot-headed as Renjun, it was something he very often needed.

“Okay.” He presses his lips against Jeno's knuckles. “We can share the reparation costs then.”

The other clicks his tongue but agrees to it in the end, seeing how the younger was not going to let go of that idea. And plus, reparations were quite expensive, he couldn't say no to some help.

 

Just as Jeno predicted, by the time the sun had set, Renjun could almost drive smoothly enough to pass as an experienced driver — which he had yet to become. Driving lessons would be too much of a weight on his already fairly busy schedule, plus he didn't need a car when he had a boyfriend who did.

He places his arms behind Jeno's seat and turns his head back while trying to move the car backwards. His tongue darts his tongue out of his mouth while concentrating in the task in hand, though that made it incredibly hard for Jeno to pay any attention so he could help the younger. Instead he observes the details of the boy's face highlighted by the yellow car light just above them, Renjun never looked ugly in his eyes, only beautiful and _beautifuler_ . But right there and then, it was more than that. Renjun looked _hot_ with his extremely focused gaze, showcasing the skills that he had learnt with more ease than a regular person would.

Jeno feels his body melt in both admiration and pure, raw attraction. He can't even worry if his boyfriend was about to smash his car against something again, his brain was solemnly set on admiring the boy as if they hadn't been dating for months already. It was just another one of those moments were it truly hit him that he was dating Renjun, the only person that managed to make his heart hammer so crazily inside his chest.

“You're staring.” The younger smirks smugly. “Creep.”

“Pay attention to what you're doing.” Jeno rolls his eyes while smiling fondly.

“Heh, i look sexy don't i?” He wiggles his eyebrows and steals one quick glance at his boyfriend. “You think i look sexy while doing this, don't you?”

Jeno chuckles but doesn't deny the accusations either, instead he leans back on his seat and changes the song. “You're an idiot.” He mumbles pretending to be too busy changing stations to answer him.

“I'll take that as a yes.”

They go around some more. Renjun had begun getting bolder, doing tricks that even Jeno still refused to try. His boyfriend constantly tells him to be more careful but the younger seemed to be far more interested in having a good time. That is, until he accidentally presses down on the brakes and almost sends them both flying out of the windshield.

“Shit.” He coughs out, the seat belt had pushed too tightly on his chest at the impact. “Are you okay?” Renjun croaks out while looking at the other who seemed to be just fine — just slightly paler than usual.

“You almost gave a full on heart attack just now.” Jeno pants then chuckles lightly. “You almost killed us both.”

The younger furrows his eyebrows in pure confusion. “Why are you laughing?”

“Defense mechanisms, ever heard of those?” He rubs his face then turns to Renjun. “I think i just shat myself.”

“Okay, gross. Too much information.”

“This is _your_ fault, deal with the consequences.”

They both laugh, then remain silent to get over the shock. A ballad plays softly in the radio, it fills the entire car with its soft melody. Renjun perks up first and observes his boyfriend with a faint smile. “Can we go over Chenle’s before we go home?”

Jeno nods as expected — it was a rarity to find him going against someone's wishes, especially Renjun’s. “Okay, just don't kill us in the process.”

“You're the best.” The younger beams and leans forward to press his lips against Jeno's soft cheek with as much strength as he possessed. He back away with a loud wet sound that makes them both cringe. “Love you.”

“Yeah yeah, just get us home safely will you?”

 

He parks the car right outside Chenle’s gate and looks at the house to check for any signs of life. Light came from three windows, Renjun could recognise Chenle’s room as being the one at the utmost right of the facade.

“So.” Jeno slaps his hands on his own thighs. “Wait no-”

The car’s honk rips through the silent night just before he could even finish speaking. Renjun honks three more times then opens the window and peaks out from it. “Hello miss Zhong!” He greets with a big smile and, even if the woman didn't seem to be very pleased with the whole ordeal, she still smiles back and goes back inside. “Lele come down here.”

“Did you steal Jeno's car?!”

“No fool he's right here with me.” Jeno sneaks his arm out and waves it up in the air. “Lemme show you my newly acquired driving skills.”

Chenle shows up by the entrance not even a minute later and trots his way towards the fence like a happy child. “When did you learn?!”

“Just today!” Renjun shoots him a cocky smile.

His friend's eyes drift away from his to analyse the car that he had only seen about two times before. “Is that a bump-”

“Anyways! Watch this.” Renjun cuts him off and presses down on the pedal, though with all the excitement he had been too brusque which made the startup not be as smooth as it should've. Chenle snorts while observing the boy in action, the car goes till the end of the road and then does a U turn and comes around, stopping right at the same place as before. “Cool, uh?”

“So you can drive me around now?”

“Hey, the car is _still_ mine.” Jeno butts in.

“You want it even with that ugly bump?!”

Renjun’s face drops, and it doesn't go unnoticed by Jeno who glares at Chenle from where he sat hoping the younger could see his face clearly enough to know he should shut up. “Not all of us shit money.”

The boy shrugs. “Valid. Plus i guess it ain't that bad.” He forces out through gritted teeth.

“Good boy.” Jeno mouth and then pats Renjun’s knee. “We should start heading home, i promised your brother i wouldn't keep you out for too long.”

The younger frowns. “I'm eighteen why should Sicheng have to give me a curfew still?!”

“You're already lucky your family lets you guys sleep in the same room.” Chenle mumbles bitterly and Jeno quirks one of his eyebrows to show he agreed with him.

“Ugh fine, lets go then.” Renjun grumbles then waves Chenle goodbye. “I'm driving us home by the way.”

Jeno does try to get his boyfriend to go in the passenger's seat but the other doesn't budge — he had held tightly to the steering wheel and threatened to honk if Jeno didn't let go of him. In the end, he wins and they finally head home (slowly as Renjun tries his best to not cause further damage to the car now that he had been reminded of his _little_ mistake).

They only get to their destination five minutes before midnight, which _just_ about saved Jeno from being reprimanded by his own friend.

  


_7:46 p.m Monday,  24 December 2018_

 

When Renjun had suddenly asked Jeno to join them for their Christmas dinner, he had not expected the other to actually say yes. It was a simple wish, a mere fleeting thought that he had somehow voiced out loud. So when the older had agreed so quickly, he couldn’t help but stare at him with pure surprise — but as it turned out, Jeno’s family celebrated Christmas on the twenty fifth which was perfect both of them.

He didn't know how to act around his family, his relationship was very fresh and there was still a big question mark hanging over everyone’s head of whether or not it would last. Though, by the time he chugs down a few glasses of wine, Renjun couldn’t be bothered of what exactly his family thought of it all.

When they finish eating, the ‘youth’ (as the _responsible_ adults called them) moved to the living room where Renjun pulled Jeno onto the couch. And there he stays, sitting comfortably on the boy’s lap as they all comment on the program playing on TV.

As per usual, it didn’t take many drinks for his head to begin to feel slightly too heavy to be normal. He swings back and forth, unable to remain still, and then ultimately fall backwards onto his boyfriend's chest where he lays with his eyes closed.

“Hey.” Jeno whispers right next to his ear. “You wanna go to bed?” Renjun grumbles something impossible to decode and snuggles closer to the other. “You big baby, answer me.”

“What…” The younger whines then cracks one eye open. “We can't go, still gotta open presents.”

Jeno sighs then nods, he had totally forgotten about that small yet important detail. He wraps his arms around the boy's smaller frame, pulling Renjun closer so he could be more comfortable, and then joins Sicheng's conversation with his cousins (all the while his boyfriend snored lightly on top of him).

 _Perfect_ he thinks.

 

Renjun stomps back into the living room with his slightly too big reindeer onesie. Jeno instantly gets the urge to get up and coo him on just how adorable he looked. The boy makes his way towards the center and flashes a few poses that make them all either laugh or awe, Jeno could only stare with heart eyes in pure silence.

Even his nose was slightly red from the remains of alcohol that still ran in his veins. It was unbearably cute. “Come here.” The older murmurs and tugs at the soft fabric. “My heart is about to burst.”

“It can't! I still want the rest of my presents.” Renjun pouts dramatically. “Especially yours.”

“Don't expect much.” Sicheng butts in. “The fact that he bought you something is already a miracle.”

Jeno glares at his friend to tell him to shut up then smiles awkwardly at Renjun. “It's not much don't get your hopes up.” He admits sadly but the younger shakes his head right away and pecks his lips to reassure him silently that he didn't care for such things. Jeno believes him.

The time to open his present eventually comes around. He watches as Renjun gets off his lap and grabs the awfully wrapped present which he knew for sure would be Jeno's — the older had sworn he had tried his best, it was his first time doing it by himself so it was only natural that it wouldn't look all that good. “So this is Jeno's.” He declares proudly to his whole family and then begins ripping the paper.

When the boy comes to an halt, Jeno worries it's due to the disappointment, but soon enough Renjun look back up at him and a big smile spreads across his face when their eyes lock. He pulls out a Moomin plushie wearing a typical painter bonet and with a little palette sown in the doll's left arm.

“Jeno.” The younger giggles and then looks down at the present again. “This is so cute.”

“There's a little extra there.” Jeno points out softly and gestures to the mess of wrapping paper by Renjun’s lap.

The other quirks his eyebrow and searches around for the extra bit his boyfriend had mentioned which turns out to be drawing materials that Renjun often complained he lacked. “You said it would be disappointing, how dare you?”

Before Jeno could answer, Sicheng joins in the conversation. “I'm surprised he didn't gift you a fucking avocado.” He says bitterly and shoots mental daggers at his friend. “Now that i know you're capable of _good_ presents, don't dare give me half assed stuff ever again.”

“You might not wanna open your Christmas present then.” Jeno mumbles while avoiding Sicheng’s gaze.

“Jeno Lee if you gifted me socks i will kick you out this house-”

The other wheezes out a little laugh and curls into a ball just before his friend begins smacking his back for dear life.

  
  


_9:02 p.m Friday, 25 January 2019_

 

“I can't believe you've never shaven.” Jeno cackles as he watches his boyfriend smear the white foam across his cheek with far too much care.

“This is bullying.” Renjun whines and throws the remains of the substance on his fingers straight into the other's face. One big piece lands right at the tip of Jeno's nose making them both giggle childishly. “Some people are just not hairy, plus you're acting like you have much yourself. Your face are as soft as a baby’s butt.”

“That's because i shave!”

“Moustaches don't count, plus if you didn't shave that regularly you bet i wouldn't kiss you as much.”

Jeno frowns. “Good to know.”

“It tickles!” Renjun protests. “I don't like it.”

“I would kiss you even if you had a Santa Claus beard.”

“One, i doubt that.” The younger rolls his eyes at him. “Second, unrealistic. I won't ever have that big of a beard in my entire life.”

That shuts Jeno up right away. His victory smirk doesn't leave Renjun’s face as he watches his boyfriend skillfully shave his face, he knows Jeno can see him through the reflection in the mirror and was simply choosing to ignore the fact that he had lost — or allowed himself to lose, though that wasn't very plausible seeing how the older was quite stubborn.

Renjun comes closer to the sink and then moves the Gillette closer to the foam, he worries he was going to cut himself, just the thought of blood pouring out uncontrollably made him feel nauseous. “Need help?” Jeno asks gently, but the sight of the boy with half of his face covered in white was too comical to not laugh. “What are you laughing at?”

He looked genuinely hurt. Renjun’s heart squeezes in his chest and he stops laughing immediately. “The foam makes you look funny, is all.” He explains and then looks down at the Gillette in his hand. “I'm worried i might cut myself.”

Jeno nods and comes closer, he puts his own razor down and grabs Renjun’s, then holds the boy's face up so he could demonstrate better. They lock eyes in the mirror and the older smiles before beginning to explain which directions were best for the different parts of his face.

The younger gets the hang of it quickly, as per usual. However little red dots still form after he cleans the foam off his face. “Your face is sensitive, plus it was your first time. It's fine.” Jeno reassures him when he notices his boyfriend looking disappointed at his own reflection.

“I look ugly like this.” He whines while grabbing the box full of band-aids which he then starts applying onto his face.

“Nonsense.” Jeno clicks his tongue and backhugs the other, placing little pecks all across the exposed area of his nape and shoulder. When he looks up again, he finds Renjun covered in circle shaped band-aids. He tries containing a laugh but doesn't manage.

“Jeno!”

“I'm sorry but why did you think that was a good idea?”

“I have to stop the bleeding!”

“You are not gonna die from five little cuts on your face.”

Renjun hits his elbow against Jeno's stomach making the other grunt in both pain and surprise. “Whatever asshole get off me.”

“No.” Jeno shakes his head, presses his forehead against Renjun’s shoulder and pulls the boy's torso against his. “You still look beautiful, it's unbearable.”

“Sweet talk isn't going to win me over this time, stop it.” He wiggles his entire body to try and free himself. “Let go.”

Jeno whines in the back of his throat and once more begins peppering kisses wherever he could get his lips on, from his jaw to his shoulder blade, smiling mid kiss when he finally feels Renjun’s muscles relax under his touch. “I already told you, no matter what you do i will always think you're the most gorgeous person alive.”

“Whatever.” The younger mumbles under his breath.

“You know i mean it.” Jeno rests his head on the narrow shoulder and stares at his boyfriend's reflection with a fond smile. “You're blushing.”

Renjun slaps Jeno's hands and looks away. “Can we go to bed now?”

“Only if you kiss me first.”

“Okay cool i guess i will sleep standing then.”

Jeno tries locking their eyes just so he can shoot the other his best puppy eyes. “You don't wanna kiss me?” He pouts feigning deep sadness.

“God i can't fucking stand you.” Renjun grunts but twirls in the boy's embrace so he's facing him and leans forward to give Jeno one fleeting kiss.

One turns into two, then three, and then next thing Renjun knows they were already laying in Jeno's bed kissing lazily, unable to break apart. He runs his hands through the black locks and toys around with a few strands, knowing full well that that always made the older feel sleepy.

"Goodnight, annoying idiot." The younger whispers noticing that his boyfriend was slowly slipping away.

"Goodnight to you too asshole."

  
  


_7:33 p.m Sunday, 9 of February_

 

Accepting to go to party on a Sunday was possibly one of the dumbest decisions Renjun had made in his entire life, but Jeno has insisted so much that he would join him and his friends that he ended up accepting his boyfriend’s wishes.

He had it all under control, there was just abiut one hour left before Jeno would come pick him up. However, not even five minutes into getting ready, Chenle had called to update him on the cute boy from Lab 5. When Renjun looks at the clock once more it told him that he had less than fifteen minutes left so he hurriedly says his goodbyes to his friend and tries his best to not panic.

He looks at his wardrobe while tugging at his hair strands harshly from how stressed he was, if Donghyuck had been there with him perhaps he would've helped him find something _party worthy_ as he had lots of experience with those sorts of things. But, as per usual, his roommate had gone out earlier to go to what he supposed was another party.

The boy assumes he would need to look somewhat dressed up yet laid back so he grabs a white shirt which he buttons all the way up then rummages through one of his drawers trying to find a pullover he could possibly throw over the thin shirt. He eventually finds one that he thought would suit the rest of the outfit nicely.

Renjun analyses it carefully and then snorts when he realises it was in fact Jeno's, there was even some leftover cologne oozing off it — though most of the smell had been replaced by his own perfume. He puts it on and checks himself out in the mirror, the pullover was slightly too big on him but it didn't look bad. Renjun felt quite cute as he moves his arms around and watches the sleeves swing about, he knew Jeno would start aweing the moment he realised it was his clothes and the thought makes his face burn. He never enjoyed being babied, but whenever that sort of attention came from his boyfriend, his entire body would melt. It was gross, _really gross,_ but he couldn't help it.

The bell rings as he was trying his best to adorn his eyes — nothing too extreme, just a little line in his bottom eyelid. The boy squeaks and accidentally slaps Donghyuck’s bag filled with makeup supplies inside the sink, he stares at the mess he had made and cries out. One of his eyes was yet to be filled and now he had probably ruined his roommate's eyeshadow.

He runs to the door and opens it up slightly before bolting to the bathroom again, the first thing he checks is the palette which turned out to be just fine much to his luck. Renjun sighs in relief and places everything inside again just as Jeno appears behind him with a puzzled expression on his face.

“You startled me.” The boy explains. “Go eat something while i finish up, i think i might stab my eye if i do this with you here.”

Jeno snorts then quietly places one kiss in the back of Renjun’s head and heads out as if he had never been there to begin with. The younger goes back to paying attention to his eyes, hoping that the look wasn't too much considering he never used makeup. The reason he had decided to do so that evening was because Donghyuck had made him his lab rat the past few weeks, and he found he quite liked the way he looked when he was all dolled up. Of course, he could not compete with the boy's skills but he still thought he looked alright with just a tad of black adorning the corner of his eyes.

“I'm done!” He chirps while walking to the little kitchen, he finds Jeno sitting on top of the counter munching on a banana while scrolling through his phone. “Should we go?”

His boyfriend looks right into his eyes and then a wide smile takes over his previously serene expression. “Oh shit.” He breathes out and jumps off the counter so he could take a closer look at the other. “You look gorgeous.”

Renjun shoots him a toothless smile from how flustered he felt but he couldn't suppress the soft giggle that manages to escape his lips. “You should see me when Donghyuck does his tricks.”

“Well now you're obliged to take selfies and send them to me when he does so.”

“I hate taking selfies and you know it.” He clicks his tongue and tries looking away, pretending he was merely checking what time it was when in reality Jeno's gaze was far too intense for him to handle. He was too used to his boyfriend's kind, soft eyes, the new intensity was overwhelming.

“Please.” He pleads quietly then, using his index and thumb, forces Renjun to look at him again so he could connect their lips in a slow kiss.

The younger nods when they break apart, he truly hated taking selfies but Jeno's gaze was hypnotic, he couldn't say no. “Okay. Fine. Should we go now, then?”

“I was thinking.” Jeno smirks. “Maybe you can doll me up a bit too.”

“Really?!” Renjun beams and jumps up and down like a rabbit. “Yes, i’m no good but i will try my best.”

“I'll be happy with anything if it comes from you.”

“Shut up, idiot.”

 

Renjun wants to laugh, though he knows he shouldn't.

Jaemin, as the boy had introduced himself, was currently speaking to him with such an attentive expression that if Renjun wasn't already slightly drunk, he would've started feeling awfully flustered at the overflow of attention. He knows, in fact he feels, Jeno's gaze on him from far away but the older hadn't come over just yet. After all, it was simply a harmless conversation. Jaemin had bumped against him when he had gone to the table filled with all kinds of drinks and from then on their chattering had kept going on and on as if they had been friends for years.

Renjun blamed the alcohol, it made him confident and got rid of all the worries that would otherwise cloud his mind. If it hadn't been for it, he knew he wouldn't answer Jaemin so quickly and eagerly fearing that the other would find him annoying or even worse, desperate. There was a big chance he was annoying, he could not deny that for sure, but Renjun knew that he was far from desperate. And the constant reminder of Jeno's presence made him worry he was giving off the wrong impression, especially when Jaemin wouldn't stop glancing down at his lips in a _not_ very discreet manner.

“By the way, i don't want to disappoint but i’m dating…” Renjun smiles apologetically but Jaemin doesn't seem phased by that in the slightest.

“Oh yes i know, i’ve seen you and Jeno around often.”

Renjun blinks back at him a few times while trying to process what that meant. Jaemin knew Jeno's name, he had even seen them around, yet he had never seen Jaemin ever before. Or at least he could not recall it. “You- Know us?”

“Course! I'm in one of Jeno's class, i see you waiting for him at the end of it.” The boy admits and sips on his drink. “Don't worry, i was not hitting on you. But can i get your number anyways?”

“What for?” Renjun tilts his head slightly with confusion.

“In case you guys break u-” Jaemin says with a serious expression, but seeing that the other had fallen for his joke he barks out a laugh. “Wow you really fell for that. Anyways, we clicked so well it'd be a pity to not see you again after this. As friends. Of course.”

The other chuckles and nods. He had forgotten his boyfriend entirely as the guilt dissipated now that he knew there was no second intentions in Jaemin’s actions and words. But he soon gets reminded of the older.

Just as he finishes writing his number down, an arm snakes around his waist and pulls him away from Jaemin. Renjun doesn't need to look to know who it was, he forces down a laugh at the realisation that he had managed to spike jealousy in his boyfriend so badly that the other had not managed to contain himself. Jaemin looks between them and licks his lips, then extends his arm so Jeno could shake his hand. It was all very cordial, calculated, and it was making it hard for Renjun to not laugh out loud at how stupid it all was.

“You're Jaemin, right?” Jeno asks, voice slightly lower than usual, and squeezes his boyfriend's waist tightly.

“That's right.”

A silence falls over the three, it was so awkward that it made Renjun shiver. “Okay anyways we were done here anyways.” He coughs and smiles warmly at Jaemin. “I'll see you sometime.”

“I'll text you!” The other exclaims, and Renjun was sure he had said that knowing the exact effect it'd have on Jeno. They share a knowing look just before the boy walks away and disappears in the middle of the crowd.

“God, Jeno, really?” The younger snorts and finally turns to face his boyfriend when Jaemin was out of their sight. “Really?”

“What?!” Jeno squeaks, looking highly offended that he was being frowned upon. “You guys _exchanged numbers._ C’mon!”

“You're unbelievable.”

“Stop.” He pouts childishly and then whines when Renjun keeps mocking him. “It's not my fault!”

“You're really bold, you know?” The boy snickers and goes on his tiptoes, then suddenly lightly bites the top of Jeno's nose. The older makes a loud confused noise but doesn't pull away, instead he waits for the other to stop before shooting him a look of pure confusion. “You're really bold to assume i want anyone but you.”

“Why did you jus-”

“Because i wanted to!” He giggles. “And because you look adorable, i can't take your jealous face seriously anymore.”

“You know i can't help it, you're too cruel.” Jeno whines cutely and starts dragging the younger away towards a more secluded area of the building.

“That's why it's so funny to me. You become so irrational over nothing.”

The other huffs and turns to face Renjun. “It's not over nothing though. I worry-”

“Jeno don't.” He says, seriously this time. “Just please stop, i promise you i am still as fond of you as i have been since i was very young. Nothing has changed at all.”

“Okay.” The older breathes out and nods weakly. “Sorry.”

Renjun shakes his head, he then rests the palm of his hand on Jeno's cheek and caresses the skin with his thumb. “Should we just go home? We have classes tomorrow.”

Jeno nods once more and lets Renjun guide them both out of the house into the cool pitch black night. They walk side by side silently, the younger moves his hand closer to Jeno's and then intertwines their fingers. Renjun squeezes his boyfriend's hands reassuringly just as they find the familiar black car, and then finds himself being pushed against the hood in just a blink of an eye.

“Can you say it?” Jeno whispers and then sucks on the area just below the boy's earlobe making him jerk his hips forward at the sudden contact.

“Say what?”

“The thing… Y’know…”

Renjun chuckles and wraps his arms around Jeno's neck. “You're the man of my dreams.” He murmurs softly right next to his ear and then whimpers when the other bites down on the same exact spot he had previously sucked on. “And i’ve wanted you since i was fourteen.”

The older relaxes instantly, a heavy sigh rips through the silent night and then he finally looks into Renjun’s eyes. “I love you.” His words sound so genuine, so full of emotions, that the other feels like crying with the overwhelming adoration bubbling in his chest.

“I love you too, my big doof.” Is what he lets out, making them both crack a smile before connecting their lips once more.

  
  


_3:20 p.m Thursday, 21 of February 2019_

 

“So have you guys…” Chenle blurts out while the three of them seat on the floor watching a random show Donghyuck kept on insisting was the best thing he had ever seen. Renjun furrows his eyebrows in confusion and looks at his roommate to see if he had understood the question either. “You and Jeno, you know-”

“No.”

“No?!” Donghyuck and Chenle squeak at the same time.

Their surprise baffles Renjun he couldn't believe both of them thought he would've kept such a thing a secret from either. “I would've told you guys…”

“But you've done things right?” His friend presses on. “And to be fair, everytime we mention these things you flush red. I just assumed you didn't have the guts to tell me or something.”

“Yes we've done...other _things._ ” Renjun rolls his eyes. “It's just awkward to talk about it, but i would still tell you. I know i would.”

Donghyuck pauses the video and turns to the other with a serious expression. “Is something wrong? Or are you just taking it slow?”

“I don't know? Nothing is wrong, we haven't discussed it that's all. Somehow it never escalated to that extent, i guess.”

“Well, it's been like six months now, it's not like you guys are not interested in that so i’m sure it'll come around eventually. I bet it's on his mind.” Chenle shrugs nonchalantly while munching on his popcorn. “But i didn't mean to stress you or anything!”

“Yeah, some people take everything slow that's normal.” Donghyuck adds and pats the boy's back soothingly. “We were just prying not judging okay?”

Renjun nods, he knows his friends well enough to be able to their intentions anyways but the reassurance still comforted him. “I know. Don't worry i didn't feel that way.”

“Anyways!” Chenle clasps his hands together. “When it does happen, you must tell us!”

“I will.” He snorts. “But no TMI!”

“Ugh boring.” The other two grumble in sync making Renjun bark out a laugh.

They go back to watching the show, but the little voice inside his head would not cease to remember him of his friend's words. Suddenly he too questioned himself what Jeno thought about the topic in general, or if he thought about it at all.

  
  
  


_4:50 p.m Wednesday, 1 of March 2019_

 

His classes were finished for the day. Renjun decides that he doesn't really feel like heading home just yet, the motivation to study was not there at all and his roommate wouldn't be home till later. He opts instead in paying a little visit to his boyfriend’s apartment which was nearby, chances were that Jeno was still in class but maybe Doyoung would be there so he would have someone to chat with.

He fetches the keys which were hidden in a little orifice near the door, and walks inside the seemingly empty house. “Nono? Doyoung hyung?” Renjun calls out loudly. Nothing. “Okay…”

Disappointment washes over him, but since he was already there Renjun did not feel like going out once more. Instead he enters Jeno's room and flops onto the bed where he lays unmoving for many minutes.

Chenle’s words begin swimming in his brain and he turns to face the nightstand by Jeno's bed. He stares at it as if he had X-ray vision that allowed him to figure out what was inside of it, as if the answers to the questions that kept popping in his brain could be being kept there.

Renjun doesn't like to pry, he truly doesn't. But curiosity takes over him with such intensity that he can't help but crawl closer to it and let his hands hoover above the handle. He shouldn't… But he still does it nevertheless.

Socks, boxers, a nail clipper, body cream. All things that were expected to be there, except one that stands out to him the most. It was a box with a picture that he easily recognised to be from a famous Marvel poster printed right at the center. **PUZZLE: MARVEL EDITION (HARD)** the bold writing at the top read.

Renjun can't help but snort at the irony of it all. He had come there looking for things that could be considered everything but pure, and yet he had found the purest thing of them all. Jeno never mentioned liking puzzles, he found it adorable that his boyfriend kept what was probably an embarrassing hobby to himself. Though the younger didn't think he should view it as something to be ashamed of, it was rather endearing actually.

He places the box of the floor and opens it. Apparently Jeno hadn't started connecting the pieces just yet, and Renjun, who loved a good challenge, felt it was his calling to be the one to finish the so called hard level puzzle. He gets so into it that he doesn't hear the sound of the door opening an hour later, the boy was far too engrossed in his task.

Jeno leans by the door with his arms crossed across his chest with a smile ghosting on his lips, rather than annoyance, the boy seems to be fond as he watched his focused boyfriend grunt whenever the pieces didn't fit together like he thought they would. “Babe-”

Renjun jumps in the air, he lets out an embarrassingly loud shriek and then looks back at Jeno worriedly — scared the older might be angry at him for obviously having gone through his things. “I'm sorry, i was so bored and nobody was hom-”

“I'm not mad. Really, i’m not.”

“Okay” The other sighs in relief. “Since when do you like puzzles?”

“I always did, they're a good way to relax when there's lots on my mind. Or when i can't study and need to feel productive somehow.” He explains calmly. “I'm gonna grab something to eat, anything you'd like?”

“Anything is fine.”

“Hot choco? With some Doyoung made cookies?”

Renjun nods vigorously. “Perfect! I was starving and i didn't even notice… I was so into this.”

Jeno takes a look and then snorts. “I can see that. It's nearly finished.”

“I can and will finish it by tonight!” The boy raises his fist up in the hair with a determined look on his face that makes his boyfriend smile even brighter.

“Mhm, play well.” Jeno giggles before disappearing, leaving Renjun alone so he could complete his task like he promised he would.

  
  


_10:30 a.m Thursday, 23 of March 2019_

 

Renjun adores the feeling of Jeno's skin scraping against his, the closeness and simplicity of it all always created goosebumps all over his body. He traces the pretty designs of the boy's tattoo with his fingertips, it had been so long but it still mesmerised him every time.

In his hazy state, as Jeno nibbled all over his neck, Renjun finds himself letting out noises he'd otherwise suppress. He doesn't care, it's his birthday and he had been with Jeno for so long, it was pointless to keep holding back things that were natural. Perhaps to him he sounded stupid, but from the way Jeno began increasing the pressure between them, it seemed the other found them to be anything but alluring.

That gives the younger a sudden confidence boost, he swallows down hard before whispering things that he would probably regret later, things that made Jeno growl in an almost animalistic manner. It was intriguing and exciting to find out he had that much power over someone, he never had stopped to think if he was capable of such a thing, frankly he just assumed he wasn't and that was the end of it.

Jeno grabs Renjun’s thighs harshly and pulls him closer then begins kissing the boy's entire face, ending the little attack with a final peck to his lips. Disappointment washes over Renjun when his boyfriend flops to his side, chest rising up and down very quickly, and remains still as if regaining consciousness. That time around he didn't want it to stop there, he didn't want Jeno to come back down from his carnal haze. So he sits right on top of his lap and grinds down defiantly, watching as his boyfriend chokes up and instantly latches his hands on his slim hips to try and make Renjun stop.

“What” Jeno croaks out. “exactly are you doing?”

“It's my birthday.” The younger stops and looks down at the other with pleading eyes.

“Yes, i know. We've established that-”

“Jeno you know what i’m doing stop acting dumb.” Renjun cuts him off immediately.

His boyfriend visibly swallows, Adam's Apple bobbing up and down prettily as he does so. He stays silent for a while, looking right into Renjun’s eyes as if searching for something. “And you're sure?”

“Yes” He confirms, tone filled with exasperation. “I am, i thought about it for weeks on end and it's my birthday, it's perfect.”

Jeno grins, fondness pours out of his eyes as he nods and gestures for his boyfriend to get off him so he could move. Renjun follows his every move, he watches as the older search for something in his nightstand and that's when he realises that he had searched on the one on the other side of the bed. He had gotten so caught up with the puzzle that he forgot to check the other.

A giggle leaves his lips involuntarily, the situation was too comical, but Jeno doesn't understand why he was finding it funny. “Oh no it's not because-” He can't finish his phrase as another giggle rips through.

“And you call _me_ a weirdo.”

“We both are.” Renjun rubs the tips of their noses together in what his mother used to call an Eskimo kiss before actually kissing Jeno right on the lips. At first it was sweet and gentle, their lips moved together in a calming harmony. But it only takes one jerk of his hips to make Jeno become rougher, he bites down on Renjun’s plump bottom lip then sucks on it while keeping the eye contact with the younger.

Jeno pushes him lower and lower until he's hovering above Renjun, his beautiful tattoo full on display for the other to see. However he can't quite focus on it when Jeno looks so enticing with his hair dangling in his of his eyes and red saliva slicked lips parted waiting to be devoured once more. He places his hand on the back of the boy's neck to push him down so they can kiss again, and again, and again a thousand times.

Their lips never come to an halt, moving even as the older tried to manoeuvre them around. It's messy, their teeth crash here and there, but Renjun doesn't care and neither does Jeno. He's too far gone to even think about any of it, his brain could only tell him one thing and that was that he wanted more. He wanted to feel Jeno closer, the closest possible. That was all his focus was on, he longed for it like a human necessity and, perhaps in a way, it was.

Somehow in the midst of it all, he finds himself admiring Jeno in a way he had never before. It was more raw — in many ways the other did not look his best, his face was flushed red, his body covered in sweat, his hair poked in every direction possible. But he finds it endearing, attractive even, and he knew he probably looked like a hot mess himself. And that was okay, because Jeno was still looking at him like he was an angel, it was okay because both of them were far too in love to bother about superficial things such as those.

That's when Renjun realises he finds that he adores how vulnerable and exposed he feels, adores the closeness and the intimacy of it all. Because it was Jeno, and when it came down to Jeno, nothing was ever scary. Rather he saw them as new chapter of his life, something to look forward to, a promise of a future filled with surprises. And he loves it, he loves Jeno he loves life.

  


_6:58 p.m Friday, 5 of April 2019_

 

It was something unexplainable to him, after months and months of dating Jeno Renjun thought he could never go back to the same puppy love of before. He thought that longing constantly for the other was something of the past, of when he could not have Jeno whenever he wished to. But he could now, and yet it felt like it was never enough.

He presses his entire body down against his boyfriend's, but his brain still begs for more, to get closer, it was a suffocating sensation. One he hadn't missed at all, but he couldn't seem to get rid of it now that it had come back. "Jeno." Renjun whines as he grinds down needily.

The older grunts and stops the other by holding his hips tightly, he looks right into Renjun’s eyes and frowns. "You're acting weird."

"I want it again."

Jeno sits up, allowing the other to stay seated on his lap as he strokes his face gently. "That's not like you, something is off…"

"Why? Why do you think that?" He pouts and tries kissing his boyfriend but the boy dodges it and keeps Renjun’s head in place by grabbing it with using both his index and thumb. "Nono…"

"I'm flattered." Jeno rubs their noses together. "But i've been there before and i don't want it to happen to you."

"What are you even going on about?" Renjun cries out and buckles his hips up again searching for some sort of friction.

"Jun." The older glares at him and the boy stops right away. "You're acting like a dog in heat because sex is new and exciting but-"

"That's not it at all!"

"Think about it for a second." Jeno says sternly. "And that's fine, but we've been going out together almost everyday now."

The younger tilts his head with confusion, Jeno doesn't like the way his eyes seemed to become sparkly with a coat of tears that threatened to fall. He doesn't like it one bit, but he knows having that conversation was the right thing to do as he wished someone had had it with him when he dated for the first time. "So you're saying you're getting bored of me?"

"Not at all."

"That's what it's sounding like to me." A flake of anger lingers in his voice, Jeno wasn't scared of him but he was scared things would escalate in a way he hadn't intended.

"But it is not." He keeps his calm posture and begins stroking the boy's back in a relaxing manner. "We are our own people we shouldn't spend this much time together, we never have during our entire relationship we shouldn't start now." Jeno explains trying to put some rational thinking back into his boyfriend's head. "When was the last time you hung out with your friends? Have you even gone more than one hour without trying to text me? I noticed the change, i thought it'd go away after a week but it's almost been two now and here we are."

Renjun’s lips tremble and a small tears rolls his now rosy cheeks, Jeno hated to see him like that and to know he was the cause of it made it even worse. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy his boyfriend's presence, but he knew if they kept going like that then at least one of them would get bored. In the end, humans always long for what they don't have. It reminded him of the old example his mother used to give him when he was little, if you eat your favourite food repeatedly you grow tired of it whereas if eating it is a rarity, it remains special. It was common sense, most people worked like that, and he didn't want to turn what they had into something dull — because it wasn't.

"Okay." He finally croaks out. "I'll get going now."

Jeno frowns and tries holding onto the other but Renjun pleads for him to let go and so he does. The older watches with sad eyes as his boyfriend slams the door to his apartment closed and then deflates when he finds himself all alone with the guilt of what he could have caused with his honesty. He just hoped, with all his heart, that Renjun was mature enough to understand the point he had tried putting across. Jeno trusted Renjun, but the fear still lingered.

 

_4:15 p.m Sunday, 13 of April 2019_

 

It had been an entire week of pure silence from Renjun’s side and, quite honestly, Jeno felt himself losing his sanity by the second.

He scrolls past his unread messages and reaches the time where his boyfriend had been the cute clingy mess that had gotten him into that situation. "Maybe i overreacted." Jeno sighs, the urge to punch himself in the face was so immense that he's surprised he managed to resist it in the end. "It wasn't even that bad."

The boy lets his phone fall onto his bed and stares up at the ceiling with empty eyes. He considers getting up and barging into Renjun’s apartment, in the end of the day the other could not keep silent forever. If things were to end then it would have to be a two way thing, and they'd talk it out like the adults they were. The fear of rejection was far too scary however, he finds himself glued to the sheets but promises himself to do something before his birthday that was just around the corner.

Just as he was about to open Jaehyun's chat and press record to send his friend yet another audio crying about the same exact thing, a knock echoes inside the empty house. His eyebrows knit with confusion, Doyoung had never once forgotten to bring his keys with him. Plus, his classes wouldn't end until later in the day.

Jeno gets up groggily and weakly drags his feet across the floor. That is, until a series of desperate knocks come from the other side. He quickens his pace and opens the door, the shock of finding his boyfriend standing there in the middle of the hall was so big that he can't help but launch his entire body in his direction so to squeeze the younger in a tight hug. It was all so involuntary, automatic, that Jeno doesn't notice he's doing it until Renjun begins sniffing loudly and wakes him out of his daze.

He backs off him and analyses the boy from head to toe. Renjun looked like a wreck with his worn out baggy clothes and puffy face, his hair had clearly not been washed in days either. Still, Jeno's heart hammered so strongly in his cheat that the boy worried it might rip through his chest. He had missed Renjun too much.

"Renjun-"

"My grandmother died."

His words feel like a blow to Jeno's gut. Worry fills his entire body and he pushes the other inside so they could talk more comfortably. All of a sudden nothing else mattered, not even the fact that Renjun had mercilessly given him the silence treatment for an entire week. He just wanted to make sure his boyfriend was okay.

"Oh god, i'm sorry Injunnie."

"It's okay, i guess." The younger shrugs. "I haven't seen her in what? Six years?"

Jeno shakes his head and pulls the boy close in his embrace. "That doesn't make it any better."

"I guess. But it didn't hit me until now.” Renjun murmurs weakly. "I just keep having these flashbacks of when i was younger and still lived in China you know? We were so close and she's just such a kind woman, and i know she's already old so it's only normal but i just really hate that everyone's existence is fragile like that."

Jeno rocks their bodies together as if Renjun was a child, he doesn't know what to say, or if he should say anything at all. So he doesn't, as usual his actions say it all. Words were pointless.

"It made me think of you, and i am so stupid for not understanding what you were trying to tell me. I haven't hung with my friends in weeks, i even cancelled plans just to be with you." He admits mid sobbing. "I was being so childish i'm sorry, i'm sorry it took me imagining you dying to finally realise i should stop being a kid."

"It's alright Injun, give yourself some credit. You're nineteen, we're so young we can't be perfect. Adults too act childishly all the time, i'm not angry. I was just worried i had ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me."

An even louder sob rips through Renjun’s chest, the boy stuffs his face in Jeno's chest and allows himself to cry as loud as he wished. The sounds hurt, they make the older's heart break but still he keeps himself calm. For Renjun, he knew he had to.

"Thank you for being in my life." The boy cries out after calming down slightly. "I really _really_ love you."

"And i love you right back, i hope you know that."

Renjun nods. "I told myself you didn't just because i was hurt and angry, but i know you do. Deep down i knew the entire time." He looks up at Jeno with a weak smile and raises his arm so to run his fingers through the black locks. "Just don't go."

"I promise you i am taking good care of myself." He chuckles. "I will live until i'm a hundred years old just for you."

"Good, you better." Is all the younger manages to get out before flopping against Jeno's body, he had no energy left from how mentally exhausted he felt.

The last thing he hears as sleep takes hold of him is Jeno's whisper sweet nothings against his ear like a sweet lullaby.

 

_7:00 a.m Tuesday, 23 of April 2019_

 

Renjun had been quite gloomy those past few days, so when Jeno wakes up on his birthday he doesn't expect anything much to come from it. At least not from his boyfriend. Perhaps he and his friends would go out for some drinks, but that would be about it. And that was okay, he supposed. He was twenty one after all, mother had always told him the older he'd get the less meaning and excitement would arise on his own birthday.

It wasn't depressing per say, but it all still felt very much dull. As he stares at his own reflection, Jeno can't get himself to smile. Not even a little bit. He feels nothing.

His phone is left unchecked, he had no energy to reply to the happy birthday wishes. He eats breakfast in pure silence, it wasn't even anything special like the meals his parents would prepare for him when he still lived with them. Still he can't quite get himself to care, not in the same way he thought he would when he was younger.

"Good morning birthday boy!" Doyoung greets and pats Jeno's dishevelled hair. "How are we feeling?"

When the other responds with a shrug and remains mute making Doyoung frown. The older doesn't say anything else though and begins doing his own breakfast to get ready for work. But, just as Jeno was about to leave the kitchen after having finished his meal, he speaks up once more. "Hey." He calls out and waits for the boy to turn around. "Don't treat your day like it's nothing just because people have put in your head adult life has to be the same old monotonous cycle. It is not true."

Jeno gives him a half smile and nods. "I just can't see what could come out today that could make it any special, but i appreciate your words nevertheless."

"Call your friends and your boyfriend! Even a little hangout would suffice, but i better not get back from work and find you home. Got it?"

"Yes, chief." He snorts and walks back to his room. Doyoung was right, he knew adult life was nothing like he had been told it be, but he truly couldn't get himself to be excited in the slightest.

It infuriated him more than anything else, but he accepts it and gets ready for his day just like it was any other day, because well, technically it was.

 

"Bye hyung!" He shouts before closing the door and walking down the stairs.

At least the sun was shining brightly, that alone was enough to make his mood better. Jeno opens the door to his apartment building and begins walking the same path he always did every single morning. Things seemed to be going like usual. That is until the sound of a loud car honking sounds in the distance. When he finally  looks up, Jeno finds Sicheng in his car with Renjun poking out of the window with a big cardboard that read

 

**#HAPPYJENODAY**

**21 YEARS OF** **ANNOYING PEOPLE FOR A LIVING** **PURE AWESOMENESS**

**i love you please never change**

 

He barks out a laugh and almost falls onto the floor from how badly his body shook with laughter. It takes a while but he eventually manages to get himself together and waves at the two who were driving nonstop all around the roundabout. "Yah you idiots!" The boy shouts and watches as the car drives right in front of him once more. "Will you drive me to class while you're at it?"

"Why of course captain!" Sicheng shouts right back and keeps on driving until he finds a free parking lot slot nearby.

Jeno catches onto them a few minutes later, a smile seemed to have glued itself to his face from how happy the surprise had made him feel. Because it was, indeed, a surprise. He hadn't expected _anything_ at all from anyone, so even a small thing such as that made him radiant.

"Hey." Renjun greets quietly before pecking his lips and giving him space in the back seat. "Happy Jeno day, we only speak of our lord and saviour today so please mention Jeno everytime you speak. Those are the rules."

Sicheng chuckles and locks eyes with his friend through the rear mirror. "He's totally serious, Donghyuck almost choked to death because he refused to cooperate, Jeno."

"Does it apply to me too?"

"Technically yes but i am not gonna hurt the birthday boy." Renjun stops for a split second before he adds: "Jeno."

He laughs wholeheartedly once again, and then pulls the younger close into a bear hug to show his gratitude. Jeno knew the other was probably still not at his best mentally and yet he had put time to think of something he could do to make that day somewhat special.

"I love you." Birthday boy declares, loud and proud, to make sure his gratitude was obvious. "Are we doing anything tonight?"

"If you're asking if we're getting shitfaced later today, Jeno, then you are absolutely correct. I already contacted everyone and they all said yes, get ready."

"Me included." Renjun butts in with a big grin. "All of _Jeno's_ best mates were chill that i would join."

"Of course they are, Yuta would never miss the chance to bully you. If they said no, he'd murder them all." Sicheng snorts.

"I think you forgot something in that sentence of yours,  hasn't he Jeno?"

His brother furrows his eyebrows and then opens both his mouth and eyes wide. "Ah yes, how could i forget. Jeno, our lord and saviour."

"Isn't this a little extrem-"

"Shut up Jeno."

 

The best part of getting drunk with his friends was watching Yukhei become an even louder mess. Everyone else was hilarious too but _Yukhei_ , Yukhei took things to a whole different level.

"I'm gonna stick my dick in it." He blurts out suddenly as they leave the toilet and walk past a tube hanging from the wall.

"No-" Jaehyun pushes him back before the boy even got the chance to do anything.

"I was joking!"

"Knowing you, you weren't." Yuta mumbles, words slurred from the amount of alcohol currently running through his veins. "Wouldn't be surprised if we would end up at the hospital for some weird shit by the end of tonight."

Yukhei pouts like a little child and stomps his feet on the ground, a tantrum that would've been cute if the boy wasn't a muscly giant. Everyone turns their heads towards them worriedly (probably scared they were about to get beat up by Big Foot) and Sicheng waves them all off with one of his gentle smiles.

"Behave." He says through gritted teeth and smacks his hand on the top of his friend's head. "Anyways Jeno, want some more drinks? It's free of charge for you."

"Please say no, my bank account is being drained as we speak." Yuta pleads with the best puppy eyes he could muster.

"He's already drunk enough, look at him." Renjun points at his boyfriend's goofy smile that would not leave no matter what he did to him. "He's not even reacting anymore, frankly i'm getting a bit worried over here."

Sicheng comes closer to the birthday boy and grimaces when he realises his brother was right. "Okay yeah he needs to sleep he's so out of it."

"It's probably because of the weed, i swear everyone inside this club is smoking except us. Not that we need to, i'm getting second hand highness." Yukhei giggles.

Yuta rubs the bridge of his nose in an overly annoyed manner. "Second hand highness is just _not_ a thing-"

"You know what i mean, asshole."

"Go stick your dick in the wall and shut up."

"Alright." Jaehyun chuckles awkwardly and moves in-between them. "We all need to head home now."

Sicheng drags Yuta out of the building alongside Jaehyun who did the same with Yukhei, Renjun followed behind with Jeno who insisted on mumbling random words with no connection whatsoever the entire time.

"How are we getting home?" Jaehyun asks and looks at every single one of them for some sort of answer.

"I think i'm gonna call Donghyuck to pick us up or something."

His brother nods and turns to Jaehyun. "We could risk getting caught by the cops and have me drive us all home." He suggests hesitantly knowing the other didn't usually like infringing the law when it wasn't absolutely necessary. After all they could call a taxi or an uber instead, but it'd be such a hassle to come get the car the next day.

"Fine, but if we get caught i ain't paying shit."

They say their goodbyes, and then it's just Renjun alone with Jeno that remain. He looks at his boyfriend's shitfaced expression and chuckles, each time they'd go out together to party it seemed the older would surpass his limits and go wilder. But since it was his birthday, Renjun doesn't nag him for it.

"When… Home?"

"Hyuck is on his way."

Jeno hums and puts his head on his boyfriend's shoulder (with a bit of difficulty as the other was slightly shorter which made the entire process slightly uncomfortable). "Thank you Injunnah."

"For what?" He pinches Jeno's nose with a loving expression, making the other begin sniffing loudly like he would whenever he'd go near any cat.

"Being the best boyfriend ever." The older mumbles lazily and then sneezes loudly. "Fuck, i knew you were a cat! Don't touch me i might get allergies." He squeaks and flinches away.

Renjun pushes himself on top of Jeno and relishes the way his boyfriend cries out like he was being stabbed in the gut. _Dramatic fool_ he thinks fondly. "Meow." He says cutely before kitten licking the boy's cheek.

"Ahh!" Jeno shout and moves all of his limbs about to try and get away from the other, his drunken brain seemed to have forgotten that he had the entire parking lot to run away from Renjun. It was amusing to the almost sober boy that kept poking his boyfriend and laughing at the dramatic reactions he'd get.

"Hey idiots!" Donghyuck calls out for them. "I want to sleep so get in here quickly."

It's a perhaps seven meters walk from where they stood to get to the car but Jeno still manages to almost fall about three times in the meantime. Donghyuck filmed the entire thing with a mischievous smirk — he was definitely going to use it later on to tease Jeno and Renjun wasn't going to try and stop him either.

The older flops onto the backseat and his boyfriend follows right after, he places Jeno's head on his lap and motions to his friend that he could start driving. "If one of you dies because you're not following the safety procedures then that's none of my business by the way."

"We go out together!" Jeno blurts out extremely loud. "Death with Injunnie or no death!"

"I would go for no death-"

"No death!"

Donghyuck turns back for a split second and then begins laughing so loud Renjun was sure anyone out in the streets could hear him. "Man your boyfriend really is something else."

"Yeah thanks." His friend replies feigning annoyance, all the while stroking Jeno's face like he was the most precious being alive — which he was, to Renjun at least. "I'm aware."

The older closes his eyes and cuddles closer to Renjun so he could be in a more comfortable position. Silence falls inside of the car, and since it was already late night so barely any sound came from outside either. It was pleasant especially after so many hours of abusing his ears with loud music.

Renjun catches his boyfriend mumbling something under his breath and leans in closer to hear what Jeno was saying in his dreams. "Death with Injun or no death…" He catches by luck in the midst of a mess of slurred phrases.

A smile spreads across his lips, he stares at his boyfriend's face relishing the fact Jeno was his and nobody else's. Renjun wasn't a very possessive person per say, but the little reminder warms his heart in an indescribable way.

"Death with Nono or no death." He whispers right next to the boy's ear hoping that even in his dreamy state Jeno could somehow hear him.

  
  
  


_3:49 p.m Friday, 31 of May 2019_

 

The sunrays peaked through the curtain and illuminated the room making it far more lovely than its usual dull state — Jeno had put zero to no effort in transforming it ever since he moved in.

Usually in a sunny day like that, Renjun would nag for them to go out for a walk, maybe grab some ice-cream. Jeno, however, being the couch potato he was, had imprisoned the younger in his arms and whined relentlessly until Renjun allowed him to have his way. Meaning they'd stay inside playing on his boyfriend's xbox.

Renjun isn't the most fond of such things, he barely knows how to play, but it doesn't take him very long to get competitive. Everytime he'd manage to beat Jeno (a rarity), he'd begin shouting and jumping up and down like a rabbit in pure bliss. Jeno didn't care, he found it endearing more than anything — and to be frank, Renjun was still pretty damn bad so he didn't felt threatened, he even let his boyfriend win on purpose once or twice just so he could see the boy’s face lit up once more.

“I'm getting so good at this, you better watch out.” Renjun boasts, Jeno smirks but remains quiet. It only takes five seconds for the younger to die, _five seconds_. “That was just bad luck.” He huffs when the other snorts. “It was! Stop laughing!”

“I'm not.”

“I CAN SEE YOU SMILING.”

Hours go by, Doyoung leaves them some toast to eat and rolls his eyes when they barely thank him as they were too concentrated on trying to kill each other. Renjun had become highly irritable due to his lacking of kills, his infuriated and desperate screeching became so annoying that it took Doyoung nagging him about it with his bitch face to finally shut the younger up. After that the boy had decided to let out his anger on the nearest pillow, smacking it over and over again with his tiny fists — that was when Jeno thanked the Gods above that Renjun didn't have the strength to actually hurt someone, his temper would've gone from entertaining to scary if that had been the case.

“We should sto-”

“No! I must win again.”

Eventually Jeno does put an end to it all, much to Renjun’s demise. He tries putting up a fight but the older easily grabs his thin wrists to make him stop, it wasn't often that he would use his authoritative gaze on Renjun but he deemed it necessary then. “Injun.” Jeno sighs. “You need to stop now. I shouldn't have let you go on for this long in the first place.”

“I'm not a baby.”

“Then stop acting like one.”

He heads to the kitchen with the dirty plates and begins cleaning them silently. It felt wrong to be harsh on the other especially knowing he was still sensitive after what had happened, but it would probably be worse to let Renjun let out his anger in that way. Jeno hadn't even realised how much frustration he had kept in until then, it was impossible that the younger had gotten so carried away simply due to his hatred for losing.

Another sigh escapes his lips, he heads to the living room once more and finds Renjun curled on himself staring at the black screen — or better yet, staring at his own reflection. “Babe.” He calls out softly and kneels behind the other so he could wrap his entire body around him. “I'm sorry if i was harsh.”

“You really weren't.” His voice comes out so frail, so sad. Jeno's heart squeezes in his chest.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

Renjun shakes his head then lets it fall until his forehead hits his knees. For a while nothing could be heard but the sound of music coming from Doyoung’s room, Jeno runs his hands up and down his boyfriend’s arms while placing kisses in the back of his head occasionally.

Suddenly a soft sob rips through Renjun’s chest, it was as if a dam had been opened after that. The boy's entire body shakes as he cries it all out, Jeno could only hug him tighter to try and comfort him the best he could.

“What's wrong, what's wrong Injunnie?” He murmurs while rocking their bodies back and forth in a calming manner. “What's gotten you so upset?”

Renjun could only shake his head and cry louder in response. Jeno doesn't press on, he knows it'd be best to wait in silence until his boyfriend calmed down enough to speak. Time goes by slowly, and then sleep starts taking over him as the boy's cries fade away. He keeps rocking their bodies together the entire time and doesn't stop even when Renjun finally croaks out something inaudible.

“What did you say?” Jeno kisses his cheek gently and then pets it with his knuckles.

“Everything is going to shit.”

“Define everything.”

Renjun grunts then tries smacking himself but gets stopped midway by Jeno who had already seen his boyfriend do it before whenever he felt he was to blame for something. “I feel so unmotivated, and i don't have an excuse. Mom knows i wasn't close with my grandma anymore so she won't take that as an excuse, and she's right, it isn't.” He grinds his teeth together, but Jeno soon grabs his jaw to make him stop. When Renjun puts his hand over Jeno's, the older retrieves his own to let him keep talking. “But my grandma's death made me think so badly about so many things, it isn't about her per say.”

“What do you mean?”

Renjun searches for Jeno's hand and begins toying around with his bony fingers. “Death. That's what this is all about.”

“Injun…” The older whispers worriedly and curls his fingers around Renjun’s index.

“No i don't want to die.” He promises and chuckles when Jeno visibly deflates. “But life is so awfully pointless, i feel it is. The only time i feel anything is of any worth is when i am with you or my friends.”

“That's normal. As long as you feel alive sometimes, i think many people end up not finding anything to live at all.”

Renjun shakes his head. “But what's the point of me studying, putting effort into such useless bullshit? I could die tomorrow, what would my work amount to?”

Jeno frowns. He hadn't put much thought into those things before, rather he saw life as something to follow through without much questioning. Study, work, have fun with loved ones, maybe kids, then enjoy the remaining of life before death. And that was okay by him, he wasn't there to mark Earth, that wasn't his purpose and he knew it. All he wished was to be happy, to die knowing he had lived a good life.

Renjun’s train of thought diverged from the mindset he had kept all of his life, and suddenly he didn't know what to say either. “You should do what you love, be in the course you love enjoy what you do. Instead of seeing it as useless, if you enjoy doing it then there was a motive for you having done it. No? And if you are to die tomorrow, you have left an impact on others. It isn't useless.”

“Others die off too.”

“Even big historical figures are forgotten. You may mark the Earth massively and yet you won't be forever remembered. That is okay.” Jeno finally crawls in front of his boyfriend to look at him straight in the eye, in that way he felt his message could truly pass across. “Think about it. Think of how many people are born everyday, how many die too. How many are living currently. We are nothing but a piece of dust even in our own planet, we are nothing in an universal scale. But still we are here and we are a product of a miracle, the probability that someone else entirely would've been born in our place is enormous. Yet here we are.”

A single tears rolls down Renjun’s rosy cheeks, but Jeno could see a shift in his attitude. His shoulders sag down and his eyes soften, finally it seemed Jeno had managed to get him to listen. So. he keeps going in hopes of changing his boyfriend's mind further.

“I don't know why we are alive i don't know our purpose. I guess it's up to us to find one.” He smiles softly and wipes away the new tears falling from the younger’s eyes using his thumb. “I already found mine, i live to love and to be loved and i am fully content with that. I wanna strive to become someone better so i can love others harder, their happiness is mine. I don't care if my impact is at a small scale, really i don't. I will die knowing i have done something with my life even if, technically, i will be forgotten since the scale of my doings is far too small to matter. That's okay, as long as i’m satisfied.”

Renjun gets up suddenly and walks towards Jeno's room. The other trails behind curiously, he follows his boyfriend with his eyes as the boy grabs the guitar gaining dust by the far corner of the room and places it on top of the bed. “Do you know any song?”

“I know three or four.” Jeno blinks a few times before picking it up and sitting on the the bed. Renjun crawls behind him, lays down then wraps his arms around the boy's torso so to pull their bodies closer to each other. He rubs his face against Jeno's shirt and inhales the familiar scent just as the older begins toying with the strings.

The soft melody fills the room, Jeno hums the lyrics under his breath with his eyes closed and his head nodding slightly at the beat. Renjun watches it all, tears begin forming once again but not out of sadness. He couldn't quite place the exact emotion running through his veins, but it didn't matter in the end.

What really mattered was that for the first time in weeks, life felt worth living once again. And maybe his agony would return again and haunt him down, but he knew Jeno would be there to talk him out of it. The mere realisation that he had Jeno by his side for the worst and the best already made life seem brighter, more worthwhile.

Renjun figures that, until he finds his true motive to keep on living, loving Jeno would suffice.

  
  
  


_1:31 p.m Saturday, 22 of June 2019_

 

They were roaming around the Seoul streets when Jeno spots a crowd beginning to gather ahead. None of them knew what it was about but their curiosity won them over and so there they were now, squished in-between a sea of bodies not knowing why exactly.

“Get on my shoulder.” The older says and taps his shoulders when Renjun shoots him a puzzled look. “So you can see what's going on.”

Jeno crouches down and waits for his boyfriend to get on, Renjun considers saying no but ends up putting his legs over the wide shoulders and allowing himself to be lifted up high like a child.

He squints his eyes. There was a group of people apparently parading, what they were celebrating he couldn't tell but it looked like they had gotten themselves in some religious gathering. “Uhh babe.” Renjun snorts. “I think it's something religious.”

“Wanna get off?” Jeno asks and the younger nods, he enjoyed knowing the other could lift him up but the unwanted attention of being so up high wasn't something he particularly enjoyed.

Once he's back on the floor, he gets ready to walk away from the crowded mess but Jeno grabs his wrist to stop him and pulls him closer once more. Renjun furrows his eyebrows at him in response “You wanna stay?!”

“Why not? Got a better plan?”

“I got about a thousand better ideas than watch a parade for something i couldn't care less for.”

“I wanna find out what this is about!” Jeno presses on and intertwines their fingers before shameless pushing through the crowd towards the front. Renjun tries apologising to everyone around them but the people still looked unsatisfied — which was understandable, he too would like to punch them if he were in their place. His boyfriend didn't seem to care less however, he was set on figuring out what was going on.

They don't quite reach the front, a loud almost bomb like sound rings in their ears and makes them stop in their tracks. It didn't exactly sound like a gun and nobody around them seemed to panic, which meant it was all part of the whole thing. “What the fu-” Renjun’s voice gets muffled by a series of the same gun noises which he concludes to be fireworks. _Stupid, useless fireworks._

He finches and clings onto his boyfriend for dear life, it was pathetic but the noises were so loud and repetitive that Renjun couldn't help but feel he was under attack. Jeno seemed to be pretty calm about it all though. “It's just fireworks, Injunnie.”

“Yeah okay, _loud_ ones.”

“That's because we are super close to them.” Jeno smiles down at him while gently stroking his back. “You wanna go?”

Renjun nods weakly with a little pout ghosting on his lips as he does so. And who was Jeno to resist the cuteness of it all, his heart was far too weak.

They pass by the same people they had just pushed through, Renjun smiles awkwardly at them as Jeno guides them and hopes he would never see them ever again in his life. Seeing from their expressions, Renjun knew he'd get punched square in the face if that was to happen.

Finally the sea of people comes to an end. Jeno pretends to wipe sweat off his forehead making them both chuckle like children. “Whew, we made it.”

“Thought we'd die in there.”

The sound of fireworks was still relentless going on in the background, Jeno could see the way Renjun flinched every time the loud noise filled the air and frowns. “Wanna go back to the apartment, it's almost six now.”

“My feet hurt anyways, and we've barely eaten today. So yes please.”

“Hmm,you're right.” Jeno pokes Renjun’s nose and grins. “What are we eating today, chef?”

“Anything that is not ramen sounds good to me, Donghyuck and i have been too lazy to eat properly for a week now… That's all my stomach has been filled with this entire time.”

The older clicks his tongue. “That's no good, we gotta make a whole full course meal then.” He clasps his hands together and rubs them against each other with a overly malicious smile. “I already have something in mind, we can go to the supermarket nearby my apartment on the way.”

“Should i be excited?”

“Why of course! I've been practicing my skills just for you.”

“I don't know how i haven't gotten food poisoning by now.”

Jeno pinches Renjun’s cheek with far too much strength making the other hiss loudly. “Be nice or i will simply cook you some basic ramen.”

“Ow okay Jeno oppa i love your cooking so much!” The younger coos in an overly high-pitched voice.

“Oppa?” Jeno quirks his eyebrow up and smirks.

“God don't tell me you like that.”

“Maybe.”

“I'm breaking up.”

 

All was good. That was, until the sky decided to make rain start pouring down on them out of the blue. It was June, nobody walked around with an umbrella especially when it had been fairly sunny not even two hours previously. And the worst part of it all was that they were still at least half an hour away from reaching Jeno's apartment.

“This Is some sort of Karma.” Renjun grumbles. “It has to be.”

The boy sighs loudly when his foot lands on a considerably deep puddle making his entire right foot become soaking wet. The sensation was terrible, but somehow he was beginning to get used to it. It had been many _many_ years since he had allowed himself out in the rain long enough for it to feel like he had taken a shower out in the streets. It triggered the inner child in him to the point where he began giggling loudly for no apparent reason.

Jeno watches him fondly, there was not an ounce of judgment in his gaze. “What's so funny?”

“Not sure.” He giggles even louder and flops against his boyfriend's chest, the wet shirt muffles his laughter ever so slightly.

“I always think of rain as God pissing on us.” The older blurts out and then smiles when his boyfriend barks out a loud, genuine laugh at that.

“Your brain.” Renjun tries breathing in and out properly to calm himself down but fails miserably as another laugh rips through his chest. “It's odd, i love it.”

“You sound drunk.”

“I know. But i am not. Maybe the ramen is affecting my system.”

Jeno cups his boyfriend's face and begins leaving kisses all over Renjun’s small face, he makes sure every bit of skin had been touched by his lips and then finally connects their lips. Raindrops roll down their faces down to their lips as they move against each other in a sweet yet fiery manner, it was as if it was their first kiss all over again. So needy, so possessive, like Jeno feared the other would slip through his fingers like sand.

The kiss comes to an end when a car honks in the distance making them both flinch away. Renjun looks all around them to find the culprint, it wouldn't be the first time someone would try to bother them with their homophobic bullshit but thankfully it seemed that had not been the case that time around.

“We're soaking wet.”

“In God's piss.”

They both laugh, the joke wasn't necessarily all that funny but for them it sure felt like it was. And it was okay if it wasn't, neither of them cared for their image around each other anymore. Nothing Renjun did could make Jeno's eyes stop glinting with love, and vice versa. It was freeing to be their truest form unapologetically like that, like being drunk without the alcohol running through your veins.

 

Jeno's apartment was warm and cozy, Renjun’s body relaxes instantly. “Shower?” The older suggests and he nods.

“Do i get to use your clothes after?”

“Yes.” Jeno snorts as he opens his wardrobe and looks inside. “What will you steal today?”

Renjun looks inside as well and, after some seconds of scanning his options, opts on snatching Jeno's hoodies with mitch matched yellow and red sleeves. “Perfect.”

Inside the bathroom, his boyfriend had already started undressing and preparing everything they'd need such as towels — Doyoung usually left everything in place already but, as he was off on vacation for two months and Jeno could not be bothered to keep such routines. “Sorry for the mess.”

“How do you survive without Doyoung?” He jokes while eyeing Jeno's tattoo, he traces the shapes with the pad of his finger as if he was seeing it for the first time while the other spoke.

“Man i honestly underestimated how much he does for us both, i mean we are both lazy but we have all these things set up and now i have to do double because he isn't here. Except I don't do them, and it's chaos. Obviously.”

Renjun finally drifts his attention from the inked arm towards his boyfriend's face. “Frankly i expected that you would've set fire to the apartment already.”

“Have some faith in me will you?”

“You make it hard to sometimes.”

Jeno rolls his eyes and goes inside the shower. “Coming or not?”

There was a time where the thought of being so exposed to Jeno seemed unthinkable, not that he hated his body but he wasn't proud of it either. Too lanky, too scrawny, too this, too that. Jeno never looked at it with anything but adoration, or simply didn't acknowledge it especially at times like those where it didn't matter if they were naked or not. The point was to shower and get into bed to watch Netflix as soon as possible, Renjun doesn't even think for more than a fraction of a second before throwing his damp clothes on top of Jeno's and following his boyfriend inside the shower.

“Will you come by often now that Doyoung is away?” Jeno asks as he massages his own scalp with shampoo.

“Is that an invitation to get laid, Lee Jeno?” Renjun smirks.

“Perhaps.”

The younger cackles loudly and slaps the boy's bicep. “That's not even a question though. Chenle is off to Dubai or some fancy place like that, Donghyuck and you will have to deal with me for the entirety of this summer vacation. I would be up on your ass even if you didn't want to.”

“I would never say no to having you in my ass-”

“I SAID _ON._ ” Renjuns squeaks and huffs when Jeno throws his head back in laughter. “Idiot.”

“But did i lie?”

“I will shove this shampoo in your mouth.”

Jeno bats his eyelashes and moves closer to his boyfriend's face, so close their eyes became crossed. “I'd rather you'd shove something else.”

Renjun doesn't waste a single second before smacking his shampoo filled hand right on top of Jeno's mouth. The look of pure horror in Jeno's face was gratifying, he couldn't feel a drop of guilt as he watches his boyfriend spit out the remains of the product.

“You're so mean.” The older growls after having made a throughout cleansing of his mouth to make sure he wouldn't die from contamination.

“You were asking for that one.”

“No i was asking for dick actually.”

“Seems you haven't learnt your lesson.” Renjun glares.

Jeno presses his lips tightly together so his boyfriend could not repeat the same attack of before and wiggles his eyebrows. The childish banter was no news to either, it would be odd for there to be none in fact. And even if Renjun was seemingly annoyed, Jeno knew better than that now. He could see the way the other’s lips twitched threatening to turn into a smile.

Renjun steals another glance at the older and rolls his eyes. He couldn't believe he was head over heels for an idiot like that, but above all he couldn't believe he was just as much of an idiot as Jeno was.

A match made in heaven indeed, who would've thought.

  
  


_11:02 a.m Sunday, 8 of July 2019_

 

The intense sunrays slipping through the curtains hit him straight in the face and stir him awake. Renjun grumbles and hides his face the best he could but the damage had already been done, he couldn’t get himself to fall asleep again.

His hand roams around the bed as he keeps his eyes closed, desperation almost hits but then he finally feels something which he assumed was Jeno in the far end of the bed. The older giggles when Renjun travels his fingers up and flickers them just below Jeno's ribcage. “Stop tickling me!” He pleads between giggles and then turns to the side so he's facing his boyfriend. “Morning beautiful.”

Renjun snorts then punches Jeno's chest lightly. “Your breath stinks close that mouth of yours.”

As per usual, Jeno doesn't waste any chance he could get to annoy the younger. He opens his mouth wide and breathes out through it right in front of Renjun’s face, which in turn makes the other begin screaming as if he was being attacked.

Jeno slams his hand over the boy's mouth to muffle the sounds, he looked so distressed that Renjun couldn't help but laugh loudly. “Idiot the neighbours will come check if something is wrong. What if they think i’m raping you?!”

The younger says something from behind the strong hand but it came out as a series of indistinguishable sounds. Jeno hesitantly takes his hand away to let him speak but keeps it close in case Renjun decided to start screaming again. “You _are._ You're raping my nose with that breath of yours.” He teases with a wide grin.

“And you say i’m childish.”

“We both are. That's the beauty of it.”

Jeno rolls his eyes and gets up groggily. “Anyways don't expect me to make you breakfast after all this.”

“Jenooo.” Renjun whines and bats his eyelashes, but to no avail. Jeno had already set his mind on something, and when that happened there was just no going back.

 

They sit in silence parallel to each other while stuffing themselves with their breakfast. Renjun had not bothered to prepare anything special so he sits crossed legged with his packet of cookies and a bowl filled with milk to its very brim. Jeno gave up on making himself a proper breakfast as well not even a second after he had taken out a pan to scramble some eggs, in the end he too opted in filling up a bowl with his favourite cereal instead. And so there they sat lazily, with their half-assed breakfasts and morning hair.

It wasn't an unusual sight, Renjun already found himself comfortable to look his worse next to the other from previous sleepovers. Though the memories of him running early morning to Jeno's toilet so to fix himself up before his boyfriend woke up were still very much fresh in his mind. He could only laugh at them now and how foolish he used to be. Jeno never once looked at him in a way that made him feel unattractive, it had all been pointless.

Even then, when their eyes lock, Renjun could see Jeno's eyes glint with pure adoration. He can't help but mirror his expression, because even if in all honesty Jeno _did not_ look his best, he still found him oddly attractive. His face was puffy, slightly oily even, and his hair could pass as a Naruto cosplay. Yet, Renjun still gets the overwhelming need to lean forward to place a short kiss on the boy's lips. Which he does without a second thought.

It's casual, natural, he loves it.

“You're thinking.” Jeno points out as he picks a spoonful of his cereal and shoves it in his mouth.

“Indeed” Renjun snorts then looks out through the little window onto the buildings ahead. The sound of chatter and cars was peaceful, even the odd honkings here and there brought him a sense of comfort. He loved being over at Jeno's more than anything, especially when Doyoung wasn't around and they could pretend they already lived together in their own little apartment. “I know it's so early, but if things go well, would you wanna live with me?”

Jeno's face lits up instantly, his eyes turn into crescents as he displays his infamous bright smile. “Of course! I would do it right now if i could.”

“Isn't that too early?” The younger chews on his lip while staring at his bowl so to run away from his boyfriend's gaze.

“Maybe.” He shrugs. “I don't really care, it's not like it can happen anytime soon but if it could i would definitely go ahead with it.”

Renjun remains silent as the wheels inside his head turn, and then after a minute or two he lets out a loud sigh. “You don't worry that we might breakup?”

“Should i?”

“No!” He shrieks and shakes his head so violently Jeno thought it might fly off. “That's not what i mean, i just i don't know? We are so young i feel all around me couples don't tend to last like that, yet i keep thinking of all these long term things i hope to do with you. But i don't even know if that's realistic, I've never been in love until now… So i feel like a fool that's getting carried away, but the thought of us breaking up ever makes me sick to my stomach.”

Jeno looks at the younger as he rambles, his eyes don't leave Renjun’s face the entire time and then, when the other stops speaking, he extends both his arms so to intertwine their fingers. He squeezes the boy's hand reassuringly before bringing Renjun’s knuckles close to his mouth to press his lips against them. “Babe, listen to me.” Jeno starts but doesn't continue until Renjun is looking him straight in the eyes. “I get it, it also makes me feel uneasy to dive in so carelessly into a relationship, i don't think i’ve ever been in love before you came along either. But i’ve done my fair share of breakups and i can tell you life does move on even if you think that person was the one, and if we are not meant to be then that's alright. For now though we are together, and i think that's all that matters.”

The younger’s lips begin to tremble and he drifts his eyes away to stare at the kitchen's wall. He breathes in shakily then nods and turns back to Jeno, his eyes were sparkly and red, a tear already threatened to fall from his eye. “I just hope it lasts. I'm so happy that it scares me? It feels happiness like that is bound to end, it feels so fragile.”

“It _is_ fragile but i trust us to take care of this with all we've got so it doesn't break. I trust you.”

Renjun nods, a single tear rolls down his cheek but instead of a frown he's grinning. “Sometimes i realise how rare this is.”

Jeno chuckles. “Pretty damn rare.”

“That's why it ending makes me physically sick.” The other murmurs and tightens his grip on Jeno's hand. “I trust you too.”

“Focus on the now, the future is none of our business. I'm here now, am i not?”

“You are.” Renjun breathes out before dragging his chair back and practically jumping on top of his boyfriend — and almost knocking his bowl to the floor in the process. “And you're mine.”

“I am.” Jeno wraps his arm around the boy's waist to pull him closer before connecting their lips in a sweet, slow kiss. “And you're mine too.”

“I am.” Renjun giggles against his lips. “Hopefully forever.”

  
  
  


_11:12 p.m Friday, 27 of September 2019_

 

Mixing his friends with his boyfriend always ended in pure chaos, but Renjun still kept on insisting on putting them together in the same room even it meant he would get a headache from how _annoying_ they were. He leans back on his seat while they argue heatedly about which artist was most fitted to the “nations angel”, it was highly amusing, though he kept an eye open to their body language. If one of them decided to throw fists because they didn’t agree that Park Jihoon was Korea’s baby angel, then they’d never be allowed back inside the bar and that’s be disgrace as it was his favourite.

“Twice are clearly Korea’s baby girls what are you on about?” Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “You two keep saying all these men deserve the angel title, that’s pure bullshit.”

“Park Jihoon literally made the entire nation fall for him in produce 101.” Chenle argues.

“He’s a kid compared to SHINee.” Jeno butts in, Renjun notices the prominent vein on his neck that always popped out whenever he was stressed or angry. He just hoped his boyfriend’s impulsive personality would not get either of them into any trouble, after all the discussion was harmless but the older had already chugged down a fair share of alcohol down his throat. Not that Jeno was violent, but he often forgot his strength, just that that one time he slammed his fists against Doyoung’s Ikea table and left a pretty large crack on its surface.

“I guess that’s valid, but still i think the public doesn’t really focus on SHINee like that anymore.” Donghyuck shrugs. “Like? I see everyone hype Twice up everytime they release something, i can vomit out all their lyrics from how often their songs play in the radio.”

“Well if Twice are the Nation’s angels then SHINee are the Nation’s babies.”

“I’ll take that.”

Both boys shake hands after reaching an agreement and then drift their eyes towards a very sulky Chenle sipping on his drink pretending to not be listening to what they were saying. “Aw what a baby.” Donghyuck pokes the boy’s cheek and giggles loudly — _too loudly_ , Renjun could tell he was already drunk.

“Then, can Park Jihoon be the Nation’s fetus?”

“No.” Both boys say at the same time.

Chenle melts in his seat with a pout and goes back to slurping on his straw (loudly, to make sure he was annoying them all as a payback).

Renjun giggles to himself. _A mess,_ but he hadn't expected less from those three.

 

The lukewarm night air felt much nicer than the stuffy ambient inside. Renjun breathes in sharply and closes his eyes, appreciating the way a light breeze hit his face and cooled it down.

He hears steps and then a hand clasps around his bony shoulder. "Injun." Jeno whines.

"Is everyone ready? Can we go now?"

"They're on their way but-"

Renjun's eyebrows knit together in both confusion and worry as he watches his boyfriend fumble with his shirt. "What's wrong?"

"I just really…" Jeno grinds his teeth together. "Need to scratch my ballsack."

The scream Renjun let out was automatic and sadly scandalous enough to make people look at them with worry. The younger pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs loudly, like a dad tired of hearing his annoying child's crap for an entire day. Technically, Jeno should be the dad of the relationship, but reality was not simple like that. Drunk Jeno was worse than a five year old at times.

"Why are you telling me this? Just go do it!"

"Here?!"

"No, not here. Of course not here." Renjun grunts and then pushes his boyfriend back inside the building. "Toilet. There. And call the others for the love of God where are they?!"

He watches as Jeno disappears in the crowd and then leans against the electricity post. After staring at nothing for a few minutes, he snorts. Dating Jeno was nothing like he could've envisioned, and yet he couldn't be happier. Despite his age, Jeno was nothing more than a kid sometimes, it was never boring or dull, dating Jeno was a roller-coaster. The good kind.

"Idiot." Renjun whispers with a smile as he thinks of his boyfriend. "My idiot."

 

"Renjun."

He keeps on walking in silence. Jeno had latched himself to his left arm and clung onto it like a koala making it incredibly hard to walk as he was fairly heavy — at least compared to Renjun.

"Jun."

Donghyuck raises his eyebrows at them and, when his eyes lock with his friend's, he shoots him a look that quite literally translated to _What The Fuck Is Wrong With Your Boyfriend?_

"Injun."

Renjun finally drifts his attention to Jeno who walked with his eyes closed and spoke with a pout as if he was a kid.

"Injunnie!" He whines even louder. "Injunnah."

"For fuck sake can you _please_ acknowledge him so he stops? I'm going insane."

"If i do that he'll just giggle and go back to being annoying not even a second later."

"Junnieee." Jeno sings off key as he squeezes the boy's bicep.

Renjun slaps the top of the older's head. "Hey Jeno that hurts stop it."

"But Injunnie…"

"Jeno!"

Jeno does let go with a huff like a child being denied a piece of candy. "Fine! You're mean."

"You were hurting me."

"I was _not._ "

Renjun tugs at his own hair strands in desperation and lets out a high-pitched frustrated noise. "If this is what having kids is like i don't know if want one anymore."

"But you said you wanted to have kids with me."

Chenle's and Donghyuck’s head simultaneously shoot to the side to stare at Renjun, their eyes were wide open and filled with nothing but surprise. "You what?" Chenle squeaks.

"I was having a moment! And i said i did, and i do but i know we are too young okay i ain't planning on anything!"

"Holy shit, Le. Watch out one of these days he will pop by saying he adopted some kid on a whim and that we gotta help changing diapers."

"I would _not_ do that."

"Both of you are so impulsive i wouldn't be surprised, watch out for that baby fever. You're only nineteen."

Renjun growls to try and look threatening but his friends just laugh at the sight and keep throwing jokes around. Meanwhile Jeno had gone back to clinging onto his arm and mumbling things under his breath. "You three are gonna drive me insane."

"Whose idea was it to put us all together?"

"Fuck you."

 

Jeno kicks the door to his apartment wide open, Renjun cringes at the loud noise and then cringes once again when Doyoung's angry voice sounds from inside his room. "Jeno Lee i swear to God i will murder your one of these days."

"Okay!" The boy cheers as he drags himself across the hall while Renjun closed the door — carefully so to not cause more disturbances.

"Sorry Doyoung hyung." The younger apologises and then smacks the back of his boyfriend's head. "You're a fucking idiot."

Jeno giggles. _Giggles._ As if it was the funniest thing Renjun had said in his entire life. The boy lets out an exasperated sigh and helps Jeno on his way to his room. "Injun."

"What is it?" He asks, clear annoyance in his tone. Not that the boy's drunken brain would care for it, especially when Jeno adored annoying others even when he was entirely sober. The alcohol sadly only bass boosted the effect.

"I'm horny."

"Jesus Christ." Renjun rubs the sides of his head using both his index fingers and then begins taking off his boyfriend's shoes. "Could you be any more blunt?"

Jeno hums then nods excitedly, smiling so big that his eyes had turned into two thin lines. "Yes! I can!" He exclaims. "I want you to suck my dick."

"Oh my go-" The younger chokes up, his eyes fill up with tears from how badly his throat hurt. He massages his neck and tries regaining his breath before smacking Jeno's knee with as much strength as he possessed. "I want to murder you."

"Ah why?! It's nothing new!"

"Jeno." He threatens with his eyes, but of course that only fuels the boy to push further seeing that he had gotten the reaction he wanted.

"Please? You're already down there and everything."

Renjun stabs his nails on the exposed skin of Jeno's ankle and smirks when the older twitches in pain. "Are you done?"

"Babe-"

"I'm going to use all what you've said today as teasing material for the rest of your life." He shoots his boyfriend a malicious smile. "Even the ballsack thing."

"No please not that." He whines and stomps his feet like a child. "Injunnie."

Renjun simply shrugs and gets up to find a shirt he could use as pajama for the night, when he turns around after finding one of his favourites, he finds Jeno struggling to take his clothes off. "Please never get drunk ever again." The boy cries out when he realises he would have to do all the work for the rest of the night.

"No!" Jeno protests childishly then proceeds to trip on his own shoe and fall onto his knees with a loud thud. He whimpers in pain, but Renjun doesn't feel an ounce of pity. "Help."

"When i signed up to date you," The younger growls as he helps Jeno back onto the bed so he can help the other undress. "i didn't think i was signing up to babysit a man older than me."

"But you love me." Jeno says quietly, and he sounds so unsure that Renjun can't help but want to drop his cold act and hold him close. "Don't you?"

"If i didn't i would've left this apartment by now, trust me."

"But can you say it?"

The younger looks up at his boyfriend and snorts, a gentle smile spreads across his lips at the sight of the other looking like he was about to tear up. It wasn't very often that Jeno showed emotional vulnerability like that, it wasn't surprising that his deeper worries were surfacing like that in his drunken state.

"I do love you, idiot." He assures him. "Now be a big boy and help me get that shirt off you."

Jeno complies with the widest grin in his face, and maybe dating was an hassle especially when your twenty one year old boyfriend loved acting like he was a toddler, but Renjun knows he wouldn't trade what they had for anything in the world.

  
  
  


_12:59 a.m Monday, 4 of November 2019_

 

“I am _not_ drinking that.” Renjun grumbles as he stares at the soup his roommate had just prepared specially for him. He appreciated the gesture, but the sight of it was making his stomach twist so badly he thought he might puke.

“Dude! I even asked my mom the receipt, it does wonders.”

“Thanks but i think i’d rather die either way.” He pushes the bowl away, but the way his friend's face drops hurt his heart far too much. Renjun grunts before grabbing the spoon, he couldn't believe he was about to put himself through that just to see Donghyuck smile. “If i die of food poisoning, you cannot have my stuff. Don't touch a single thing.”

“As if you would have any power over me to make sure i’d follow through with that.”

“I'm tasting this terrible soup for _you_ and this is how you treat me?!”

The other shrugs with a smug smile on his face, and maybe if Renjun wasn't feeling so weak, he would've put him on choke hold so he'd taste the pain he was feeling. Instead he chugs the awful thing down, hoping that it would at least make him feel better afterwards like Donghyuck promised it would.

Just as he shoved yet another spoonful of the soup in his mouth, the sound of the door clicking open echoes inside the quiet apartment. They both furrow their eyebrows at each other while listening attentively to the sound of the sudden visitor’s footsteps, there were three people apart from them who had the house key but Renjun still felt agitated as if it could be a potential robber — which was awfully irrational but his mind often went places it shouldn't.

Donghyuck puts the soup in the table nearby and grabs Renjun’s hand, they both stare at the door waiting for the intruder to walk in. Which he does just a few seconds later. Renjun instantly lets out a sigh of relief seeing his boyfriend’s familiar face pop up in his camp of vision.

“Idiot! Who said you could just walk in like that?!”

“You di-”

The younger shrieks so he doesn't have to hear what Jeno had to say and then extends his free hand in the boy's direction. “Why did you come by?”

“I just felt like it honestly.” He shrugs then, noticing something was clearly wrong, frowns. “What's wrong?”

“Just the flu, i think.” Renjun smiles weakly. “I was about to ask for a kiss but i guess that's out of question.”

Donghyuck gags loudly and then gets up. “I hate couples so much it's unreal.”

“Yeah okay bastard when you start dating that Canadian boy of yours we can talk!”

“That's never happening but go off!” His friend shouts already from afar. “Enjoy babysitting him, Jeno Lee!”

“I will!” Jeno shouts right back with a big goofy grin. He then looks back to his boyfriend and gently pushes the brown locks back to display Renjun’s forehead. His hand rests there for a second or two before he frowns once more. “Yeah… It's pretty bad. How are you feeling?”

“Kiss deprived.” Renjun clicks his tongue, faking discontent (well, truthfully, he was truly bitter about it). “The pains have gone down, i’m fine but Donghyuck keeps me chained up to this bed and i guess i get to have an excuse to rest now so whatever.”

Jeno snorts and nods. “Okay, that's good.” He looks around while humming and then turns to the boy again, his eyes sparkled with excitement. “Can we watch a movie? Yukhei recommended this one to me and it looks awesome, i think you'd like it too.”

How could Renjun say no to that when Jeno was looking so animated, when his whole face radiated like that? He was a sucker for Jeno Lee, what could he do but accept it? There was no turning back anymore.

 

Midway through the movie the door slams open starling them both and almost making the laptop fall onto the floor. Donghyuck barges in with his go to smug expression and then rolls his eyes. “Ah come on i knew you guys were vanilla and all but to take Netflix and chill seriously is almost too much.”

Jeno chuckles at that and Renjun finds the nearest pillow he could get his hands on to throw at the boy's face. “I can't believe you're disappointed because you didn't walk in on us fucking.”

“I half expected this boring outcome.” Donghyuck sighs dramatically and throws the object back. “Anyways, not that you will, but don't do anything i’m literally next door and won't leave until six.”

“Okay, Hyuck.” Renjun rolls his eyes and pinches Jeno's arm when his boyfriend giggles.

The older looks up at Donghyuck just as the boy was about to leave and tilts his head like a confused puppy. “What is that? On your face, i mean.”

“Jun tell me your boyfriend did not just ask me what a facemask is.”

“Listen,i swear he takes care of himself it's jus-”

“I can't believe this.”

“I _know_ it's a facemask, i just wanna know what it's for.” Jeno tries explaining himself then realises he sounded even dumber after. “Like… Hair?”

Donghyuck and Renjun whimper simultaneously, which Jeno assumed was a sign that he had yet said something stupid. “You do exfoliate your face at least, right?” The other nods and Donghyuck sighs in relief. “Okay, at least that. This one i have on is for pores, cleaning them and shit, just basically gets rid of all the dirt that i don't want.”

The movie gets paused. Clearly Jeno was far more interested in learning about personal hygiene than if the main lead was going to get through with his mission or not. Renjun didn't mind, he found it endearing to see his boyfriend so into those things. The next thing he knew Donghyuck had already began spreading the black substance across Jeno's face to show the older how it felt.

“Beautiful.” Renjun snorts when Jeno looks at him and poses with a layer of facemask covering his face. “I want it too.”

Donghyuck shakes his head violently. “No way, i don't want you getting out of that bed to wash your face afterwards. You have to stay warm!”

However much his friend tried, Renjun always found a way to get what he wanted. So he waits for him to finally stop chattering with Jeno and then turns to his boyfriend when they're finally alone again with the best puppy eyes he could muster. “Jenoooo.” He whines while batting his eyelashes.

“You're unbearable.”

“Pwease.”

“ _Unbearable._ ”

And that's how he ends up with Jeno sitting on his lap, one hand holding the flask and the other busy spreading the substance all over Renjun’s face. His fingers move slowly and carefully as if the other was made of glass, both that and the concentrated look on Jeno's face was making Renjun want to grab his boyfriend’s face and smack their lips together. But he doesn't, he'd hate himself if Jeno would get sick because of him.

“Done?” He asks when Jeno sits motionless staring at him with a smirk.

“You look like an idiot.”

“Have you looked at yourself?”

They both laugh and then Jeno gets up to put the flask down. He picks his phone up to check himself using the camera and begins laughing once more, when he's done laughing at his own face he turns to Renjun and snaps a few pictures of his boyfriend who could very little to stop him. “I'm sending these to your mom.”

“ _MY MOM?_ ” He shrieks. “Why do you even text my mom?”

“She pays me to take care of you, i thought you knew.” Jeno clicks his tongue. “Not very much for all the hassle you create but i’m a poor student, i’ll take it.”

“Shut up and get back here, i’m getting cold being here all by myself.” Renjun whines while impatiently patting the space next to him.

“Do i get paid extra to serve as heater?” The older teases while crawling back into bed and snuggling next to his boyfriend.

The other flicks his forehead and feigns annoyance. “You get paid with a foot up your ass.”

“And Hyuck says we're vanilla. Unbelievable.”

“God plesse shut that mouth of yours.”

  
  


 

_7:51 p.m Tuesday, 21 of January 2020_

 

The sun had already set when Renjun finally finished his project. His stomach grumbled loudly begging for some sort solace and on top of that his ears were buzzing from the constant noises that had surrounded him since nine in the morning. He wishes nothing more but to be in bed, stomach full, body smelling of his new lemon body gel and with no other sound than his own breathing accompanying him.

A _ding_ sound snaps him out of his daydream, he snatches his phone from his pocket and instantly smiles seeing who the message had been from.

 

**jeno :}**

_is it done already?_

 

He types his answer quickly and goes back to admiring the night view all around him, the almost deserted streets and sparkling lights calmed his soul after a long day working nonstop. Another notification sound comes from his phone once again stirring him out of his thoughts.

 

**jeno :}**

_can i pick you up?_

 

Renjun cogitates on it for a few seconds but already finds his fingers ghosting above the letter ‘Y’. He knew that no matter how tired he felt, time spent alongside Jeno was not something he thought he could ever refuse. So he does what he should've not and accepts the request, then sits on a bench nearby waiting excitedly for the familiar car to arrive.

It doesn't take very long, it actually catches the boy by surprise that Jeno had managed to get there in about ten minutes. “You _need-for-speed_ your way over here or what?” Renjun teases as he sits down, leaning against the seat with a sigh of relief.

“Maybe.” Jeno's eyes turn into crescents, a sight Renjun adored above anything else in the entire world. “Where to?”

“Food. Please i just need food.”

“I think i just went by a Burger King but you don't really like fast foo-”

“ _Anything._ Anything at all is good right now i think i’m about to pass out.”

Renjun didn't need to repeat himself, Jeno presses down on the pedal and off they go, _need-for-speeding_ their way around town.

 

It shouldn't be cute, but seeing Renjun devour the burger like he hadn't eaten in days was oddly endearing. Usually the younger tried his best to keep some manners, though Jeno had more than once told him to let go of old habits considering how long they had been dating — all to no avail. For the first time Jeno felt he got to see Renjun as he truly was, his simple form when he was all by himself. The sight didn't phase him in the slightest, it actually made his heart grow fonder.

“You're staring.”

Jeno hums unbothered. He couldn't care less if he looked creepy, afterall Renjun was his boyfriend, he had the right to admire him whenever he felt like it. “Satisfied?” The older asks with his head resting on the palm of his hands.

“Very much indeed.” Renjun almost moans out and then proceeds to shove the remains of the burger in his small mouth — which proves to be a difficult and messy task, but he manages nevertheless. His chipmunk cheeks slowly disappear, but in the meantime Jeno had already pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of it which he refused to delete since it was “too cute”.

“Grab your drink.” He orders after all the fries vanish as well, and Renjun follows without questioning it. They head back to the car in pure silence, it's only when they're both sitting comfortably inside that Jeno begins talking. “You love the stars, right?” The younger doesn't need to reply, Jeno was probably more than tired of hearing his rambling sessions about the universe. “I thought we might check them out for real this time.”

Renjun raises his eyebrow at him but doesn't utter a single word, instead he lets Jeno guide them wherever he wished to. He watches as the building flash past them, the lights become more and more scarce as they keep going, fields after fields stretched in the horizon after a while and then they finally seem to get to their destination.

The older stops the car at the side of a large field and turns to Renjun with the corners of his mouth curled up smugly. “Let's go.” He gestures for the other to follow him.

There was already a path laid out for them from other people having done the exact same route as they were, making it easier to navigate through the tall overgrown plantations. Renjun holds on tightly to Jeno's hand and observes his boyfriend under the full moon, a smile spreads across his face as a wave of adoration strikes him right in the chest. It was almost unbearable how much he wished to stop Jeno, turn him around, and kiss him until his lips bled — all that from simply seeing his back view. He could almost not believe how whipped he still was after so long.

Finally the weeds begin diminishing in size until they reach a plain field, but Jeno doesn't come to a halt, instead he keeps going in the direction of the trees ahead. Renjun has no clue where he's being led to but he doesn't ask questions either, he was quite enjoying the guessing game Jeno was putting him through if he was to be entirely honest.

“This has been shown to me by a classmate ages back.” Jeno finally says breaking the peaceful silence. “I think it's beautiful.”

They go inside the little woods, that's when Renjun notices the lake in front of them. There were little trails leading towards it as well as little hiding places where people obviously came to lit up bonfires. It was indeed one of the most beautiful places Renjun had seen, it was so secluded, it almost like he had entered a new world.

“It's so…” He breathes out and trots down one of the paths to get nearer to the water, the stars reflect perfectly on it due to its stillness. “You come here often?”

“Not anymore.” Jeno shrugs then sits on one of the trunks that was lifeless laying nearby. “We used to bike here, the first time they challenged me to bike through the motorway i almost shat myself, not gonna lie. But it's pretty deserted around here so nothing ever happened.” He looks up at the sky with a ghost of a smile. “We would camp out here then head back home first thing in the morning.”

“Your mom let you do this?!”

“You think she knew? They all thought we were sleeping over at each other’s, and somehow they never caught up onto us.” The older snorts, Renjun could see the nostalgia dancing in his eyes and so he decides to observe the place in silence so Jeno could have his little moment without any disturbances.

If it had not been for the full moon, the sky would've been filled with tiny shiny dots. But either way, it was beautiful, and the few stars that managed to outshine the moon were already enough to take his breath away. He observes every single detail that his eyes could capture, making sure to engrain the view in his brain for the future.

“Hey starboy, i’m getting cold over here.” Jeno blurts out and does grabby hands like a small child.

Renjun chuckles lightly but doesn't waste another second away from his boyfriend, he sprints back up to where the other was and sits on his lap. They stare at each other in silence, like they often did, and then Jeno leans in to place a curt peck on the boy's lips. “Starboy, uh?” Renjun smirks while rubbing their noses together.

The older grazes his teeth on Renjun’s bottom lip after kissing him yet again and then nods. “Fitting, don't you think?”

“I suppose so.” He giggles while twirling a strand of Jeno's black hair around his index. “What would you be then? Gamer boy?”

Jeno laughs loudly at that and then shrugs. “It wouldn't be wrong, that's for sure.” He pokes Renjun’s nose lovingly making them both giggle simultaneously, like two kids that found the smallest things fun to laugh at. But it didn't matter how childish they were, didn't matter if to an outsider they looked stupid, it didn't matter because there was no one there to judge. Just them both, and the stars.

  


 

_5:04 p.m Wednesday, 12 of February 2020_

 

It was just another day in his life, Renjun doesn't expect anything to come out of it. He really doesn't. So when he opens the door to his apartment after a long day of classes after classes, he is more than confused to find heart balloons scattered all over his living room.

"Donghyuck?" He calls out. Nothing.

Just as he pulls out his phone out of his pocket to call his friend and ask him what that was all about, he feels a pair of arms snake around his torso and pull him back. "Happy valentines." Jeno murmurs against the shell of his ear.

"All of a sudden?!" Renjun furrows his eyebrows and turns around to face his boyfriend. "You didn't do anything last year."

"I forgot about it, but Yuta mentioned it a few weeks back and they all bombarded me with questions. Your brother was pretty disappointed to find i hadn't done anything last time." He shrugs then pecks the boy's soft lips. "Am i gonna say no to an opportunity to show you how much i love you? No way."

"Fool." Renjun giggles before connecting their lips once again in a slow kiss. He kisses Jeno lazily, savouring the way their lips moved against each other in sync. What could be better after a long day than a shower of affection from his favourite person? Absolutely nothing.

"Wait it's not over."

He guides the younger towards the bedroom, the strong smell of the scented candles inside makes Renjun melt instantly. "My favourite." The boy mumbles as he takes a deep breath and lets his body collapse on the bed.

Jeno crawls next to him and holds him close while toying with the dark brown locks, Renjun’s black roots had grown quite a bit but the boy was far too lazy to get his hair done. "I could dye your hair one of these days."

"I think that's gonna end up in me looking even worse." He snorts. "You're the sweetest but really, i don't know if your love is strong enough in case it goes wrong."

"You're underestimating me." Jeno clicks his tongue and kisses the top of Renjun’s head. "I thought we had established that i am more than whipped."

The younger looks at up at him with a shy smile, he shakes his head and sighs lovingly. "Stop spoiling me."

"Thank you for your recommendation, but i think my answer will remain a hard no."

Renjun pushes the other down until he's laying on top of him, he rubs the tops of their noses together and then kisses it. "I didn't do anything for you for valentines though."

"Ah but i didn't expect anything either."

"Still." He mumbles while nuzzling his nose on Jeno's neck, the other automatically gives his boyfriend more space to roam around and so Renjun does. His lips travel all around leaving a trail of kisses behind, quite literally since it his lipstick had seemed to survive until then.

Renjun giggles when he notices the faded lip shaped marks all around Jeno's neck and then proceeds to make it his missions to fill as much of the boy's face with it until no more remained in his lips. Jeno looks at his boyfriend with confusion but doesn't complain, that is until he realises what exactly was going on. "Yah." He whines while trying to rub away the product.

"No, don't! It looks sexy." Renjun slaps his hand away then looks at his creation with pride. "Like you came out of a sex magazine."

The way Jeno's cheeks flush red wasn't something Renjun had expected, it ends up being the second big surprise of the day. He quirks his eyebrows and smirks down at his boyfriend who was the most flustered he had seen him in quite a long time. _Cute_ he thinks to himself.

"What's gotten into you?" Renjun asks completely aware that his boyfriend would not actually answer. He places one kiss just below Jeno's earlobe and then flickers his tongue around that area knowing full well that'd drive the older insane. Which it does, Jeno twitches under him and his breathing becomes uneven, _jackpot._

His hands roam all around, nails scratching here and there just to drive Jeno even more to the edge. And then finally, when Renjun presses his front teeth down on the exposed skin of his boyfriend's chest, Jeno reacts. He grabs onto the boy's bicep and turns them around in one quick move so that Renjun was laying below him.

There was a glint to his eyes that was unmissable, a familiar lustful gaze that always managed to send shivers down Renjun’s spine. It was always fun to turn Jeno's usual soft expression into the total opposite, he knew exactly which buttons to press to get what he wanted and Jeno always complied. Knowing someone well enough to have so much power over them was _still_ something new to him, but above anything else it was exciting.

"So that's your present?" The older's voice comes out slightly deeper and raspier than usual, Renjun’s entire body feels as it was being engulfed by scorching hot flames.

"If you want it to be." He whispers weakly and then watches as Jeno's jaw tenses up before the boy attacks his lips in a heated, needy kiss — that he welcomes happily with just as much vigour.

He loved it. He loved it all. Having Jeno so close to him — all over him in fact. It wasn't something unusual per say, but no matter how many times would pass it always felt like it was their first. Renjun was convinced he would never get enough of Jeno.

  
  
  
  


_2:37 p.m Monday, 23 of March 2020_

 

His boyfriend greets a tattoo filled guy with a cheerful grin and then pulls Renjun closer by tugging at his boyfriend’s sleeve. “This is Johnny.” He introduces. “Johnny this is Renjun, my boyfriend.”

“How did you manage to snatch such a beauty?” The man jokes then bows down slightly in Renjun’s direction. “Nice to meet you, i hope Jeno treats you nicely and if not my number is in those little cards by the des-”

“Anyways.” Jeno butts in and then coughs. “He wants to get his first tattoo.”

“Lord tell me you guys are not getting matching tattoos.” Johnny grumbles but sits down on his chair near his utensils nevertheless. “I'm telling you that you won't enjoy seeing Jeno's big nose on your back every single morning.”

The other hisses at him then slaps the back of the artist's head. “It is _not_ a couple tattoo, stop shading me.”

“Alright then, do you have some pictures?”

Renjun forces himself to stop laughing and then unlocks his phone, he clicks on the pic of a moomin with a palette just like the plushie Jeno had given him years back. Johnny nods with a gentle smile. “I would also want a picture of the aries constellation right below it.” The boy points at his forearm to try and explain the positioning of it all hoping that he was being clear enough.

“Easy peasy.” Johnny shoots him two thumbs up. “It shouldn't take too long either, both designs are fairly easy.”

The younger breathes in sharply as he watches Johnny begin getting ready for the procedure, he had no clue what the other was up to and he couldn't get himself to care. His brain was too hyper fixated on the fact that he was about to be pierced by multiple needles nonstop for god knew how long.

Jeno, noticing his sudden distress, comes closer and slides his hand under Renjun’s so he can hold it tightly. He squeezes it reassuringly to which the other replies with a uneasy smile. “You'll be fine.”

 

Renjun merely hums in response.

 

“At this point i’m going to ask you to make out with him to shut that mouth of his.” Johnny whines after Renjun lets out a especially loud screech, one of many. “I thought you were bad but-”

“Hey! I wasn't that bad.”

“The old lady next door came down here worried i was killing someone.”

The younger manages to bark out a laugh even if arm hurt in a way he had never had the ‘pleasure’ to experience before in his entire life. He looks at Jeno with a smug smirk and quirks both his eyebrows, Jeno had always spoken of his experienced as if he had gone by smoothly, he had even reassured him that the pain wouldn't be too bad.

Johnny sighs and then rubs the side of his face. “Okay it's almost over, please be kind to my eardrums.” He pleads to Renjun whose cheeks were rosy from embarrassment.

The boy holds on tight to Jeno's hand, squeezing it so harshly his boyfriend hissed in pain alongside him. He does try to keep his mouth shut by pressing his lips together or biting down on his bottom lip (he knew he'd regret that later when a metallic taste fills his mouth).

Finally hell ends. Johnny puts his tools down and begins cleaning everything up gently before wrapping the tattoo in what Renjun guessed to be plastic. He looks at Jeno with a proud grin and then at his tattoo that he could barely see, but it was still there and all he wanted was for time to pass by quickly so he could admire the design properly.

“What a painful birthday present that was.” Johnny chuckles and pats Renjun’s thigh. “But it's all done now, and i’m quite proud of it.”

The artists explains everything he needed to know, how to take care of it, when he could take the plastic off, etc. Renjun listens attentively even though Jeno had already told him half of those things before. Johnny's gaze was too strong to look away, the man didn't need the tattoos to look intimidating, Renjun found himself unable to look away as if he had been put under a spell.

That is, until Jeno pinches his hip making him squeak and return to reality. He turns to his boyfriend with a scowl and then back to Johnny who was holding back the urge to laugh. “Well then. That is all, do come back if you have any problems or if you want more of my services.” He says cordially and extends his arm so Renjun could shake his hand. “And don't forget, my number is in that ca-”

“We'll be on our way now thank you.” Jeno squeaks as he drags the younger out of the store. Renjun waves Johnny goodbye and jokingly winks at him just to see Jeno fume with another blow of jealousy. “You're the devil.”

“You're in love with the devil.”

“Unfortunately it seems i am.”

  
  


 

_2:12 a.m July, 31 of July 2020_

 

Renjun pushes the gate open, it squeaks loudly piercing the serene ambient with the unpleasant sound. The boy cringes and ponders closing it but the promise of having his eardrums explode once more makes him decide against it. He doubted anyone would rob them, everyone knew each other around that area, it was highly unlike that someone would do such a thing.

When he unlocks the door, the cool air inside the house hits his skin and makes every hair in his body rise. His parents had been gone for a week in a _couple vacation_ as they called it, which left the house entirely unattended. It was summer vacation though, so like usual he had come back even if technically there was no one to come visit.

He opens the shutters to let in sunlight which instantly brings life to the entire place. His room, which seriously needed some remodeling, had been left empty since the last he had come over. The sight is depressing, especially when the only colours adorning the room were white and grey. Not even the warm sun rays made it any better, Renjun could only wonder how he had managed to live there before and not see how sad it all looked.

Though, perhaps, his outlook on such things had been heavily influenced by Donghyuck whom he shared his room with at the University dorms. He had decorated the entire place with pretty colour schemes and plastered posters and photos all over the walls. It was homely and cozy, the contrast to the life he had led before college always hit him like a truck whenever he'd come over to visit. Nevertheless, Renjun smiles. It was a nice thought, to know he had changed for the better and become a happier version of the same boy.

He heads downstairs to get himself something to eat, even if he knew the variety would not be very broad. All that would be left was probably canned food, cookies and some cereals, but for his grumbling stomach, that would have to do the trick. The boy fills up an entire bowl with the only cereal he liked out of the _four_ that there was inside the cupboard — he never knew why his parents needed so much cereal to live, and he never bothered asking either. His parents could be _weird_ in every sense of the word, sometimes it was best to not question what you see or hear but rather move along like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. He supposed that's where he had inherited the talent of craving for weird, random things.

Like that one time he had come home wanting locust so badly he forced Donghyuck to come to the nearest restaurant at five o'clock to eat some, even if it meant they'd both be broke for the next few days — whether he wanted or not, ramen was all he had eaten for the week that followed. It had definitely _not_ been worth it, but Renjun always found himself to hold back from stupid urges. Just like his parents probably could not hold back from buying trillions of different variants for the same exact food.

He knew if he opened the second cupboard he was bound to find their broad variety of canned sausages. And they weren't big fans of sausages, barely ate them at all. Hence why the shelves were full of cans after cans that longed to be opened but never would. A waste indeed, just like locust had been a waste of his precious scarce money supply.

His wandering thoughts come to an end at the loud sound of the door upstairs being slammed open followed by a choir of rowdy voices. Renjun puts his bowl down and sighs, the one time he thought he would have the house to himself had to obviously be ruined.

“Hello?!” Sicheng calls out, the sound of his footsteps echo all over the house. “Injun?”

Renjun peaks his head through the kitchen's door and glares at his brother. If looks could kill, Sicheng would be seven feet under already. “Yes i’m here and so are you apparently.”

“I told you i would come!”

“I thought you meant tomorrow!” The younger retorts.

His brother clicks his tongue then walks closer so he can cup Renjun’s small face. “I brought someone over who i’m sure will bring your mood up.”

Just as he finishes speaking, what seemed like the sound of bulls trotting in the distance snatches Renjun’s attention away. He frowns then drifts his eyes towards Sicheng who had an annoying smirk on his face. When he looks back at the source of the noise that only seemed to come closer, Renjun understands.

To be fair, he should’ve (and could've) understood what exactly had been going on from the very beginning if he hadn't been so focused on wanting to strangle his brother for ruining his alone time. Who else could create such a locumotion but the _old_ _gang_?

“Jeno.” Renjun quirks his eyebrows up and pinches the bridge of his nose. “You told me you weren't free.”

“Surprise!” He chirps with his eyes wide open asking for a hug. “No? No hug? Why are you mad?!”

The other grumbles. “I wanted the house to myself.”

Jeno fake gasps and pulls the younger in his embrace. “Should i be offended?” He jokes lightly even if his boyfriend was currently too busy slamming his small fists against whatever body part he could get his hands on. “Why are you so cranky?”

Finally he stops, a long frustrated sigh leaves his lips and he looks up at Jeno. “Donghyuck has been extra clingy lately. Like, i can barely take a shit without him clinging onto me kind of clingy.” He fake sobs then grunts. “Sue me! I wanted to be alone!”

His boyfriend pouts while fixing the boy's fringe that kept getting in front of Renjun’s eyes. “Look, i can ask them if they wanna go out tonight so you have your alone time.”

The other shakes his head and lets his whole body loosen up. “It's fine, but don't be surprised if i lock myself in my room for no apparent reason.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know the drill.”

“Do you though? Last time i did that you wouldn't stop trying to get me to open the door.”

“I was worried!”

“No you weren't, you knew i was doing just fine. You just wanted to cuddle.” Renjun snorts and, when Jeno doesn't reply, he knows for sure he's hit the nail on the head. “You're such a baby.”

“I'm older than you, and you're the one whining-”

“You're _both_ babies, those annoying loud ones that never stop fucking crying for two seconds. Yeah, those.” Yuta cuts him off. “Now are you going to come play with us or not?”

Life changed a lot in the course of two years, most things were not the same anymore, it was inevitable. But there was one thing that had not wavered.

The constant urge Renjun felt to slam his fist square in Yuta’s face had gone by the years unchanged. He had just gotten slightly better at masking it as he knew the older fed off the reactions his teasing created.

 

Renjun jolts awake. He blinks a few times before noticing the saliva stain left by him in his boyfriend's shirt. _Now,_ the boy knew Jeno didn't mind it and that he wouldn't find it disgusting, but he still whines softly and begins pouring a series of apologies. He doesn't stop, not until Jeno gets sick of his unnecessary worry and covers the boy's mouth with the palm of his hand.

“Are you done?” The older quirks his eyebrows up and then retrieves his hand when Renjun nods weakly. “The rest already went to the guest’s room.”

“Why did you stay here? You could've woken me up, y’know?”

Jeno shrugs. “I was quite enjoying watching the same repeated ads about protein.”

Renjun hits his boyfriend's shoulder then flicks his forehead. “Let's go to bed, idiot.”

No matter his age, no matter how many years he had spent in that same house, walking around it at night still terrified Renjun more than anything in the world. He holds Jeno's hand for dear life and walks as close as he could to him as if the older could protect him against the ghosts that might haunt the house. Jeno found it endearing, always had always would, so he doesn't comment on it. Though Renjun could see a ghost of a smile on his face even under the very dim light that illuminated their surroundings.

“Babe-”

The boy squeaks loudly at the sudden sound then begins hitting Jeno's arm with his (little) fists — which he knew felt like feathers to the other who couldn't help but chuckle at the inoffensive attack. “God you're so fucking annoying i felt my soul leave my body you prick.”

“I can see that-”

Renjun growls and stomps his feet as he heads to his room, just like a little child throwing a tantrum. Thee sight wasn't unusual, far from it in fact. Sicheng had once pointed out that both of them were quite childish, but in very different ways. The younger threw a fit at anything that went against his liking, while Jeno whined for attention just like a small baby. In their own way, though, they were what the other called ‘the googoogaga couple’.

Jeno never got annoyed at such things, only once had his blood boiled. He always found it rather amusing and plus, all it took was a kiss right below Renjun’s ear to make him melt as if under a spell and cool his temper.

“Injun.” He calls out as he opens the door and finds Renjun throwing his shirt on top of his chair. With calculated steps, Jeno comes closer and closer until he can easily wrap his arms around the slim torso. “No ghost is out to get you, i promise.”

The other scoffs and tries wiggling out of the strong hold around him. It was pointless, he knew so and yet he refused to let Jeno get his way. Though, when he feels the tip of Jeno's nose scrape against the sensitive area of his nape, his body stills. A pair of lips attach just below his earlobe and he shudders involuntarily. “Bastard.” Renjun breathes out knowing that the was nothing he could do about the way his body melted at the gentle action.

“Let's sleep.” Jeno squeezes the boy's waist twice before letting go and undressing as well down to his boxers. He sits on the bed watching as his boyfriend rummaged through his half empty wardrobe and finally decides on a yellow pajama that was just slightly too small for him.

The older does grabby hands at the other while pouting in what he hoped to be a cute manner. Renjun rolls his eyes but the corner of his lips twist upwards slightly nevertheless. He looks Jeno right in the eye before whispering very softly: “Renjun who brightens up the whole world.” — a ritual that Jeno had discovered just a few months into dating the boy, one which he adored very much.

He smiles, though he knew Renjun could not see. When something hits his knee, he feels around to get a grip of the younger. “You're the cutest.” Jeno murmurs as he places his hands on both sides of the boy's face.

Renjun bends down, at first missing Jeno's lips completely, then when he gets the hang of it; they kiss softly as if it was their last. He lets his body collapse against the older that falls onto the bed, they never disconnect their lips the entire time even when their teeth accidentally crash against each other quite painfully.

“I love you.” Renjun declares when they finally part, only to have his mouth attacked by Jeno once more in a more needy kiss. He whimpers softly in the back of his throat knowing that'd rile Jeno up, and it does for the other tugs at his hair carefully while pressing his teeth down on the boy's pouty bottom lip.

“I love you.” The older whispers, though it came out more like a groan. He kisses Renjun’s entire face, stopping each time to repeat those same exact three words over and over again. And each time, the other would giggle as wholeheartedly as the time before.

It doesn't take very long for exhaustion to take over them, however. Renjun flops to his side and throws his leg over Jeno like a koala and nuzzles his face in the crook of the boy's neck lazily. “Night night.” He manages out just at the brick of blacking out.

“Goodnight, starboy.”

 

 

 

 

_6:03 p.m Monday, 7 of September 2020_

 

Renjun stands outside the big building feeling awfully childish and small. He definitely did not belong in the midst of all the well dressed, serious people walking all around him. Though, even if he obviously did not fit in there, nobody seemed to pay much attention to his presence, too busy fast walking all over the place. Everyone seemed to be far too stressed to care for anything going on, Renjun pitied them in many ways, and then his brain reminds him that his sweet awkward boyfriend had somehow managed to blend in with those robotic looking people.

His face twitches thinking of the possibility of Jeno becoming someone else as time went by, he did not want to lose the other to some high paying job. Renjun bites the inside of his mouth and sighs — surely that wasn't going to happen, Jeno would remain the same person he fell for till he took his last breath. He had to.

As he stares at his own reflection in the glass facade, Renjun notices quite a few smudges of paint scattered all over his face. He grunts and tries cleaning it off using his fingers but that only makes it worse as it spreads it around even more. _Great_ he thinks while sobbing dramatically. Nobody cared, but the longer he stayed there among those slick clean people the more Renjun wanted to run home and hide. He had promised Jeno he would wait for him though, and so he knows he has to out through with it. The boy had to forces down the urge to turn around so he could check his appearance more time than he could count, just as he was about to give in though, he hears someone call out for him just a few meters away.

“Finally.” Renjun cries out and runs towards Jeno. “What took you so long?”

“Sorry the meeting was prolonged.” The older pouts while running his fingers across Renjun’s face. “You had art class?”

“Clearly.” They both snort. “You look so handsome, i can't believe you manage to fit with these people.” He eyes his boyfriend from head to toe, admiring how gorgeous he looked with his hair neatly slicked back and his dark blue suit that they had chosen together.

Jeno frowns. “What do you mean?”

The other shrugs, then drifts his eyes away to look at the bypassers. “Everyone just looks so robotic around here.”

“They act like it sometimes.” He admits as he grabs the cardboard Renjun had been carrying around and starts walking to the parking lot. “But i’ve come to find that most are simply trying to live in this society, you always gotta be at your best otherwise people will stomp on you.”

Renjun nods, deep down he knew all that already. He knew everyone had emotions, that those people surrounding them walking by with poker faces were just like them. And yet they scared him. “I just hope you don't become too much like them.”

Jeno turns to look at his boyfriend with his eyebrows glued together in what seemed to be pure disbelief. “I won't ever be like that. At least not around you, i could never.”

They reach the car, Renjun follows the other with his eyes as he opens the backseat door and carefully puts his pure down then sits at the front. He snaps out of his daze as Jeno shuts the door with a loud thud, and then he too sits down. The older hands him his art project back which he puts in between his thighs, and then starts the engine.

“You know.” Renjun starts. “Seeing you look so serious isn't a bad sight.”

“Thought you didn't want me to turn robotic.” Jeno chuckles and quirks his eyebrows playfully.

“Well i don't, but you'd be the sexiest robot of them all.”

The older snakes his arm around Renjun’s shoulder and caresses his face gently with the pad of his fingers with a little smile on his lips. It was as if he wished to speak, but couldn't find the exact words to speak, so he doesn't. Instead he stares full of adoration and gratification, hoping that the other would understand the sentiment through his actions alone.

He leans in suddenly catching Renjun by surprise, his eyes slowly closing as he moves closer and closer until their breaths become one and finally he closes the gap connecting their lips. His hands cup the boy's face pulling him closer so Jeno could deepen the kiss further, in yet another display of affection. He knows Renjun understands what it all means, he knows Renjun understands he's precious to him. Jeno felt his sole purpose was to make sure the younger knew it and that he'd never question it for a single second of his life his worth.

And they giggle, not because it's funny, but because of the overwhelming joy of having the luck to enjoy the wonders of true reciprocated love. They giggle, on and on senselessly, against each others lips as if that moment was everlasting.

 

 

 

 

_Wednesday, 23 of September 2020_

 

"INJUN!" Someome screams making the boy jolt awake, he cracks his eyes open and looks around him half expecting to find himself at the end of the world from how desperate the person had sounded. But instead of a frenzy, the room is empty. 

"What?!" He shouts but nobody answers. 

Angered, and quite offended, the boy stomps his feet as he gets off the bed and searches for the culprit. Though what he finds outside his room makes all of those emotions vanish into thin air. 

Pictures, a whole lot of them. Scattered all over the walls, even the ceiling had not been spared. At a closer inspection he finds them to be pictures of him and Jeno, dating all the way back to when they had first crossed paths. At the very middle, surrounded by hearts, was the picture his mother insisted on taking the very first time Sicheng had brought his friends over. 

Renjun's breathing becomes shaky, but he comes closer to it nevertheless. Little Renjun stares back at him with a nonchalant expression, it was an odd sight to find a version of him that was even smaller. By the side of the grumpy boy was the infamous sixteen year old Jeno, whose fringe always stayed in front of his face no matter how many times he tried getting it off. It wasn't surprising to find he couldn't see anything above Jeno's nose. 

He chuckles and that's when he notices just how close the older was to him, a detail that he had entirely missed at the time. A little note had been placed next to the photo, he grabs it and smiles brightly. 

 

**It has never been a one-sided love, from the beginning i found you to be the most adorable being i had ever seen.**

Renjun knows he is at the brink of crying, and still he keeps looking all around him at the memories he had forgotten. Memories of before they had confessed to each other in August 2018, and memories of the after. When he looks up he finds yet another picture surrounded by hearts, it takes a while for him to finally grab it from the ceiling but eventually he does. And when he realises it was the picture Chenle had taken of them right after Jeno asked him to be his boyfriend, a single tear falls onto his hand. Not a sad one, rather a happy one filled with nostalgia. 

It had only been two years and yet they seemed like totally different people in many ways, and they were. Though most changes had happened inside, he had grown more than ever in his life alongside Jeno whom he trusted with all his secrets and thoughts. Looking back to that day, he knows eighteen year old Renjun had no idea just how different life would be mere years later. He knows that boy hadn't even dreamt of being together with the older for that long, but there they were. Renjun couldn't even bear the idea of letting Jeno go now. 

"Happy two years, star boy." Jeno whispers softly and pulls the boy into his strong embrace. "Here's to the happiest two years of my entire life."

The younger turns around, his entire face was already filled with tears but he doesn't care if he is red all over, or puffy, or even if he had snot running down his nose. Jeno loves him, he knows it. He knows petty things can't change their bond in any way, their love doesn't waver anymore. 

"You're incredible." He chokes out as he snakes his arms around the boy's neck in a tight hug. "I'm so grateful i have you."

Jeno chuckles and pulls him even closer, his hands roam all around Renjun’s back as he kisses the soft area of the boy's neck. "I could say the same." He murmurs in-between kisses and then steps back so he can cup his boyfriend's face with his hands. "Thank you."

A whole new waterfall of tears pours out of his eyes, and yet again none of them were out of sadness. The emotions running all over his body were far too overwhelming, and to think he was like that after two years when there would be far many more to come. It makes him snort at himself, he couldn't believe he was so emotional over such a thing. 

"God, this is embarrassing." He laughs while trying to clean his face. "It's just two years."

"You say that like it's little."

"It kinda is."

"Well, is it too early to ask you to move in with me then?" 

Renjun chokes up on his own saliva and begins coughing loudly, his throat hurts horribly when he finally stops. The boy rubs his neck and then looks back at his boyfriend who was still staring back with worry in his eyes. "That was… Sudden." He lets out a breathy laugh and swallows down thickly. "I suppose it is early, to me at least. I'm scared of one of us getting bored… Remember that whole speech you gave me ages ago?" 

"I do, but-" Jeno licks his lips and sighs. "If you think about it, yes we will see each other more often but not an awful lot. We both leave early morning for our things, then come home fairly late. But i think my days would go by faster if i knew i would come home to my beautiful boyfriend." 

The younger rolls his eyes but giggles nevertheless. "That makes sense." He looks straight into the other's eyes and slowly a smile begins forming in his lips. "Of course i would love to live with you."

Jeno beams at that and, in an explosion of euforia, lifts his boyfriend up high and twirls them around in the middle of the hall. "I have been looking for options! We can look together to make sure we are both satisfied."

"Speaking of which…" Renjun looks around. "Where did you hide Donghyuck?" 

"He's at his boyfriend's house or something."

"Ah yes Mark Lee, love that dude."

"Hey!" Jeno frowns. "No thinking of other guys today, it's our day" 

Renjun smirks smugly and pretends to be deep in thought. "Oh i don't know he's so sweet and adorable i might have to reconsider this whole moving in with you thing now…"

"Junnie." The older whines, genuinely hurt by what the other was saying. "Stop that…"

"Oh god you idiot, i literally just cried waterfalls thinking about us and you're still out here being all jealous and shit." He lets out an exasperated sigh and pinches Jeno's cheeks. "Two years! When will you understand that you're the love of my life, the boy of my dreams, my soulma-" 

When a single tears falls from Jeno's eyes, Renjun stops talking and pouts. He grabs the boy's face and presses their foreheads together.

"You're crying, Jeno Lee you're crying."

The older closes his eyes and grumbles lowly. "I wasn't."

"I literally just saw you."

"Stop."

"Jeno did you know you're the only man i have ever desired?"

The other shakes his head weakly but remains with his eyes closed. 

"Never once have i considered dating anyone else."

Jeno presses his lips so tightly together they form a straight line, Renjun smiles softly and keeps pushing knowing he was having an effect on the boy whether he wanted to admit it or not. 

"I wake up everyday and you're the first person on my mind."

"Stop." Jeno repeats weakly. 

"Your face alone makes my heart sing with happiness, when my day goes to shit i stare at my wallpaper and things feel okay again."

"Renjun-"

"You've been my mentor in so many ways that i can't begin to thank you for how much you've helped me grow. And i can't wait to watch us grow together forever, i don't want to share that with anyone else. I don't want to share, because i'm yours and you're mine, we're each other’s."

Finally, he cracks. A flow of tears rolls down his cheeks and, no matter how hard the boy bit down his bottom lip, he could not stop it from shaking. Jeno pulls Renjun into a suffocating hug and begins sobbing loudly like never before, it was new to them both but not bad. Not bad at all, Renjun quite liked to know behind the walls of his emotionally constipated boyfriend was a crying baby just like him. 

Though of course he didn't mind the way Jeno showed emotions through actions, in fact sometimes then felt far more genuine than words. But crying together like that felt different, a connection in another sense. Almost like the last string that needed to be attached between the two. Even if both their bodies shook, there was a serenity swimming inside Renjun’s heart that had not been there before. 

"I love you." Jeno hiccups and squeezes his boyfriend one last time. 

"I love you." Those words, they held so much meaning in them, and yet felt so empty compared to the way they held onto each other for dear life. Still Renjun says them, he savours the way it flows off his mouth and feels as his heart smiles with nothing but contentment. 

Years could go by, things could shift and break, change in unimaginable ways. Yet Renjun is sure what they have is forever, it too would suffer alterations, but he didn't fear losing Jeno like he used to anymore. Maybe it was foolish, perhaps younger Renjum was right to be afraid, but he doesn't care. He wants to believe love like theirs wasn't something that could ever die, he wants to believe that no matter what was to happen in the future that their bond would be something he could cling to when things got hard. 

Because he had already found his goal in life, and that was to share it with Jeno. For the good and the bad.

Death with Nono or no death. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_"Renjun look at this." Jeno points at a picture of them all outside of a Bowling Center for Sicheng's eighteenth birthday. "Remember your snaggle tooth? Look how adorable."_

_"Oh God, Jeno Lee, if you don't burn that shit right now-"_

**Author's Note:**

> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/aquadons)  [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/ultraviolentae)


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